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Is it too forward?
Hi guys! I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. We both work at the same place and we both work alllllll the time, as he is a supervisor, he's been pulling 12-14 hour shifts lately. So when we can, we hang out. We consider ourselves dating, we've gone out on "formal dates" about five times and talk to each other at work when we get the chance, take our breaks together, that kind of thing.
He just met my mom last night. We both took our dogs to our local park and took a walk together. We met there, though, the park is right in the center of both of our houses so that made sense, so when we decided our dogs had enough, he walked me home and thats when he met my mom, then I drove him home. They talked a while, he let his dog off the leash and both of our dogs played while my mom got to know him and he was very comfortable around her. When I got home after dropping him off, my mom said she liked him a lot. He still has yet to meet my dad but if we keep going out, he will definitely do that soon. He's also friends with my brother since before we even started talking.
Anyway, the point of all that rambling is that on August 1st, my uncle and his new wife are having a house warming party. So all of my aunts and uncles, on my mom's side, and their kids and my uncle's new friends and neighbors and work friends are going to be there. I want to ask the guy I'm seeing to go with me. I want to acclimate him to my family. They'll like him, I know they will, but he's just a quiet guy and my mom's side of the family is very rambunctious and loud. I don't want to put pressure on him to say yes if I ask but I do want him to go with me. Plus my uncle lives an hour away so the drive for us will be nice just to be together and talk. I'm a little nervous to ask him because where we work, if we want off, we have to request it three weeks in advance because that's how far out they make the schedules the time. Three weeks in advance to August first would be some time next week.
So, with us going out on five dates (no kiss or anything like that yet, or even the official "boyfriend/ girlfriend" title, him meeting my mom, do you think it would be weird of me to ask him to a family party? If you were to put yourself in his shoes and be the guy I'm talking about in this question, would you be weirded out or would you be flattered that the girl you're seeing wants you to get to know her family?
I'm 20, he's 23.
Thank you!
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Tricky.
If the other friends there are either longtime friends of the family or friends *of the people whose house it is*, then it's probably not appropriate to bring just some dude along, but ok to bring a b/f.
Might be time to drop the hard word on this guy: "so, like, are you my b/f at this stage?" If you are not comfortable doing that, well, there's your answer.
If I was him, I'd be thinking "It's 2015, we are young adults, if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, that means we would be having sex.
I mean, you know that's what all your rellos will be assuming, right? If you drag him along to a party filled with people he doesn't know, where he will not be at his best (he's shy, right?), and you two are *not* having sex, than that means he is permanently friendzoned.
If you don't want to frendzone this guy, either don't ask (because things aren't that far along yet), or take it to the next level. If you know what I mean.
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H0n, if he didnt mind meeting and chatting with M0m, I beleive he w0nt find an invite t00 f0rward.
Just the fact that he is interested t0 keep c0ming back f0r m0re time with y0u means he is interested the same way a b0yfriend w0uld be. Its just that l0ts 0f guys I've kn0wn never even br0ught up the talk ab0ut dating 0r will u be my girlfriend. T0 them, the fact they are interested and want t0 spend time with y0u is the same thing.
Its a matter 0f h0w he treats y0u that can speak l0uder than w0rds that he really cares.
Reminds me 0f an advice site where I read that if a guy isnt saying I l0ve y0u, t0 l00k f0r 0ther ways t0 c0nfirm he l0ves y0u and there was a list 0f things, things a guy w0uld n0t d0 unless he was falling f0r, 0r already in l0ve. S0metimes, it takes a pers0n, even ladies, a while t0 figure 0ut that they have feelings f0r s0me0ne.
Bef0re inviting him, ask the relatives if its 0kay t0 bring a friend. I am guessing they're the kin 0f pe0ple wh0 d0nt require that f0rmality and find the m0re , the merrier. But its best t0 ask them s0 if y0ur guy friend asks if its 0kay with them, y0u can truthfully say yes.
Then let him kn0w bef0re he answers that y0u want him t0 kn0w that y0ur relatives are a very extr0verted and b0ister0us bunch and y0u kn0w he's m0re 0f a quiet pers0n. Y0u want him t0 feel c0mf0rtable accepting 0r n0t if its t00 much f0r him.
S0me quiet pe0ple d0 fine ar0und l0ud n0isy pe0ple, like myself when I was ab0ut that age. They are happy and c0ntent t0 sit and just watch every0ne and keep m0ving ar0und listening in 0n all the c0nv0s with0ut jumping in unless asked a questi0s.I cant say h0w many times pe0ple w0uld ask me, Are y0u 0kay, y0u're sure quiet t0night?" And I'd say I was fine, thanks f0r asking, I am enj0ying listening t0 all the c0nversati0ns.
If he really likes y0u, he will kn0w that getting al0ng with relatives is pretty much g0ing t0 be a given s0 he m0st likely will accept unless theres s0mething 0n his schedule t0 c0nflict.
D0 menti0n its an h0urs drive, leave n0 surprises and if y0u feel its better, y0u c0uld 0ffer t0 help c0ver part pf the gas t0 g0. Alth0 I highly d0ubt he w0uld ever c0nsider y0ur help. But just the fact that y0u menti0n it might help him realize in just an0ther way h0w much y0u care ab0ut him and h0w it c0uld impact him.
G00d luck
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