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help, advice!
So I'm new to this whole website, so hopefully I figured this out correctly!
Anyway you recently gave me some fair, and reasonable advice, pointing out that it is my shyness that's gets in the way of relationships, i want to overcome this, i have the willpower to do so. I just don't know how?
I don't want to come across as 'sad' or 'vain' because on the whole, I'm not actually a shy person, i just think to low of myself... I guess that's low self-esteem? It may sound like I'm pitting myself, but I'm trying to understand myself better, to move on in my life. After all realisation is key.
So anyway, I believe you said there's was more, I would be so grateful to here what you have say!
Thanks!
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I have 2 things for you, and yes a low self esteem if though a person maynot realize it will affect them being shy or just having a fear of people and what they think of you plus lack of confidence.
Even if you have no problem talking to people you do know well, family, friends, this 1st exercise will help you feel more sure of yourself, it did for me.
It involves talking to people you do not know. This includes faces you may see regularly but never really spoken to. As I said, I did this, in my last year of high school and that was my best school year cus I quickly gained confidence and actually enjoyed myself and by what people wrote in my year book, the advice and suggestions I gave people back then, they commented how helpful I was to help them see something better or in a different light and actually helped, contributed to their life in a way.
First, if extreme shy of unknown people, just smile at them as you pass them by. this scared me thinkin g it would prompt them to talk to me and I was terrified of that. If the same for you, do this unhtil you are comfortable with this step.
If past this, move on to a further step.
Step 2. The same except you add on saying hello to the person. Somehow I feel this is already comfortable for you in general.
Step 3. Do the step 1 or 2 and compliment a stranger, person you don't know. You need to break the loggerjam of whats holding you back. Some just don't know how to start or keep a conversation going or have a clue what to say. this should help with that, so bear with me.
Making a sincere compliment, lets say you like someones shoes or earrings, you let them know. Just recently I tapped a girl in checkout line in front of me. SHe had the most beautiful natural ringlets I've ever seen on a black women other than my mixed race neice and I complimented her on how beautiful her hair was. No one takes this kind of thing as odd and it usually makes their day, making them feel a tiny bit better about themself too. Sometimes a comment like this can prompt a conversation but usually not when the person doesnt know you. This takes away the fear of approaching and saying something to someone you dont know and in turn, i found it helped me to feel able to be an open book with those I do know or want to get to know. Once I had no fear of bad reactions or judgement from people once I started talking and sharing with them, that loggerjam breaks and from then on you should find it easier.
Lastly, I would instead of complimenting a person, just make a statement or ask them a question that pertained to the situation I was in.
Example: In produce section of grocery, wanting to pick out a ripe melon but not sure how and I see an older lady inspecting and tapping melons and listening to them. So I start up a convo by asking what she is doing and letting her know I need help. She does most the talking, I thank her and if there is anything she said that brings to mind a story of my own, like she lived where Dad had a garden and grew melons, and my Mom had a garden, I might share that my Moms love of gardening turned me into a gardener and thats where i love to spend most my time. She might respond that all she grows is flowers. In such a short time of talking to a stranger, you already know a few things about her. This is how it works also with a guy you want to meet. YOu really need to know that person intimately as far as their mind and their beliefs, principles, morals etc as concerned if wanting to live with.
Repeat this exercise til its comfortable.
As for self confidence in who you are, your looks, borrow self confidence from a celebrity.
Find one you like whom you feel you look somewhat like, or at least your eyes do or your hair, it takes just one thing.
OFr me, I used my eyes. I had alluring sexy eyes like a certain female celeb. I pictured myself entering a room with the self confidence of that actress and all heads turning and noticing me and my eyes. It seems silly, I know. But I was an older adult, divorced and wanting to date again. When I did this, everytime I left my house, closing my eyes a sec and picturing myself this way or before entering another building, I began to have women and men both (total strangers to boot) approach me and comment on what beautiful eyes I have. I had no makeup on either dear in case you are wondering. What they picked up on could not be seen by human eye, only sensed, cus it was invisible. the vibes of this borrowed confidence is what attracted people to noticing and having to comment on me.
try it, it really works.
My last test came when it involved doing something silly or out of place that no one else was doing and I doing the friend, I can't do that, people will stare. I'll like silly. Then I realizied I said that cus I still harbored a little fear of what people thought of me, even strangers.
It is also important to get past this. It can be something as simple as wearing one of those gaudy jester style knit winter hats around Christmas, or a Santa hat everywhere you go. Until I did so, I didn't realize how much I still wanted to blend in instead of stand out. This all should help you. If any more quiestions, just write again.
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