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Ugh, confused love troubles
Hey, so I'm a 14 year old guy with a bit of an issue. Recently I've broken up with my girlfriend, but we're still good friends. Now that that's happened, I've just been looking for a girl to be with. The problem is, I keep falling for girls who are either out of my league, meaning I wouldn't have a chance with them, or an amazing girl...with a boyfriend. Another thing is, I know this sounds weird but, I keep getting girls to have a crush on me online! I don't know what it is, maybe I'm good at flirting from my phone? But honestly I'm sick of online relationships, I just want to be the perfect guy with a girl that I can hold her hand, take her on surprise dates, and love her as much as my heart can let me. Can someone help? Thanks!
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I agree, you do sound confused, or perhaps you didn't use the right words or explain correctly for me. Please understand, I can only go by what written words I see and yours confuse me particularly: I've just been looking for a girl to be with.
And the fact is that you're on the rebound from a relationship that didn't work,and now remain just friends. I do not know what caused the breakup in the first place and whether that issue might be carried unknowingly into the next relationship if you were somewhat at cause for it. It takes two to make a relationship work or not work, its never just one. I just get the impression from your statement that you are looking for a girl, just as a social friend to hang out with. Perhaps not ready to let your heart feel again feelings for another girl as you need to heal first. Then I hear: I just want to be the perfect guy with a girl that I can hold her hand, take her on surprise dates, and love her as much as my heart can let me.
And that statement comes across to at least me as something much more involved and stronger feelings than just "a girl to be with". Perhaps you did mean, to be with her as her loving boyfriend, not just a close friend, cus theres the friend zone and then there's actual dating.
Lets put you in the shoes of the girls you say are out of your league. If you can't quite imagine yourself as the female, how about as handsome as whatever actor you think is handsome or some male model. And yes, you have lots of pretty girls come after you and pretend to really care about you but in time you discover, they were pretty only on the outside, very shallow and self serving, want to be seen with you only for the prestige and fame it gives them among their peers, something that teens are Very concerned about, being accepted. But they dont really care about you, let you down, fight often, nitpick, etc...too much trouble. There are some lonely girls who really admire you for who you are, actually have the same interests but they feel they wouldn't have a chance with you cus your'e so handsome and in the popular crowd, that you wouldn't even look twice at them. But they never try cus they feel they don't have a chance, so you as a handsome guy wanting to find a love, are all alone cus you no longer trust beauty and haven't quite seen personal beauty in those other girls yet.
wHEN it come to average looking people, the majority are that, few meet the standards that are blown out of proportion by the media as to what hansome, hot and beautiful and sexy are. Mainly because they are unrealistic and many are photoshopped and such.
So do not think you do not have a chance with the popular girls. Some will be shallow, but others will be loving and kind and boyfriend-less.
In the majority of average looking people, all have something about them that not all, but some people will find beautiful or handsome. it is more a matter of personal taste. So rest assured that when you find the right girl, she will find you to be handsome, inside and out and no man who looks more handsome than you could steal her away. Thats true love. Looks can get tiring quickly if theres no nice personality to go with it. But these are things you will hopefully learn simply by experiencing. Im just giving you things to think about. You may be attracted to the more outstanding looks if these are the ONLY girls you are attracted to which only time and bad experiences can train you to shift your tastes otherwise. Those so called average looking girls can become quite beautiful when loved by a guy. Like a layer of hidden beauty surfaces, her eyes sparkle more, her smile become captivating, she takes extra care with her appearance and she becomes what i would call the average natural beauty. So either you are not bold enough and should try to approach some of those out of your league' girls or shift your attention elsewhere in looking for a girlfriend and its for you to discover in which group this girlfriend of yours will be, truly it could be either, cus nice girls who make good girlfriends can be found in either group, theres just less of them in the popular girl group and more in the natural average beauty group. lots of men don't wake up and realize they have been looking in the wrong places, going after looks rather than the whole girl, and who she is inside too and end up not changing until in their thirties, now finally ready to find a good woman. It doesnt have to take as long for you to learn this if you want quality over media image of beauty. Take in mind at 14, theres still a lot of personal growth and maturing yet left to do and many relationships still will not last long at this age. but if you can go 6 months to a year, you are doing good. Good luck. Any more specific questions, just ask by going to my column and writing from there. good luck
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