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My mom won't get me help even though I'm suffering
17/f I've been depressed since I was about 13 and it has gotten better and worse at times but I've never actually felt good about myself or happy for a good period of time. I went to the psychiatrist last year and she told me I had major depression and anxiety disorder and wanted to put me on meds but my mom told me I didn't have depression and was fine and just never took me back. I have been going to a therapist for about four years now and I think that had been the one thing that has helped me the most through this. Recently though she stopped letting me go and the last time I went was in December and i really needed to go more than ever around then because me and my boyfriend of a year broke up and I was devastated and got even more depressed and my mom knew and just wouldn't take me back even though I still talk to my therapist on the phone I need to go back and see her in person because that was and is still hard for me to deal with on top of other stuff. I went to another doctor for a checkup for my thyroid and she told my mom bc I'm always tired and am depressed that I really should be going especially because I'm asking for help. Not only should I be in therapy but I should be on medication because I've told my mom that I've cut myself numerous times and have been suicidal and she just doesn't care she tells me your not depressed and your not going to therapy or going on meds. She thinks there's nothing wrong when there clearly is. I was so angry about the fact that she refused to do anything about it I cut and my friend got me and let me stay at her house and offered to take me to the hospital because I was so depressed but I didn't end up going. I think going to therapy and being on meds would help tremendously but my mom doesn't even think I Have depression or am depressed for whatever her reason is it's obviously not true because I think I would know and I have been for years. She has no intention of getting me any help whatsoever even though she knows that I've cut and have been suicial she thinks I'm just overacting. I literally just don't even know what to do anymore because she doesn't seem to care or want to do anything for me at all. I don't want to wait till I'm 18 to do anything cause that's another 8 months and I don't wanna wait till then. She just makes everything so much more difficult and she doesn't listen to anything I have to say I could cut myself till I bleed and she would still not be worried or do anything which makes me want to cut even more. My parents are also divorced and even if my mom daid okay to medication I would need my dad to sign and he won't cause we tried last year and he wouldn't even do that so I honestly just feel like nothing will change. I don't know what she wants me to do to prove I'm actually depressed
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I've been depressed and suicidal myself. Pills can only cover up the symptoms, but its not gonna cure the root cause. In the end, they'll do more harm than good cause they'll harm you the whole time you're taking them. Then the world will seem WAY worse and more difficult to cope when you stop taking them. The way I was able to finally break out of my depression is total and complete acceptance of what is. Meaning life situation, shitty parents, school sucks, etc. When you accept what is and accept that this is the path you're supposed to be on (even if it sucks for the time being) for your evolution as a human being, it "lightens the load" so to speak.
When it comes to depression, its a learned behavior. Brought on by entertaining and believing certain thoughts. Usually, these thoughts are learned also, via society, friends and family. Given these thoughts are out there, its the conclusions you reach that dictate how they affect you. I'll give you an example. Lets say I want a girlfriend. My thought patterns might have looked like this: Girls only want tall guys. I'm average, therefore I suck. They like fit guys, I'm average, so I suck. They like money and fancy cars, I don't have those things, so I suck, they all like white guys, so I suck. Analysis: I suck and nobody is gonna want to be with me. And there's nothing I can do about it. Can't get taller, or be white. I can get fit, but I'm still too short, too poor, too brown. So even if I try hard, I'm probably not gonna get what I want so why even bother?
Then I stopped entertaining and believing those thoughts. Now, I'm not saying that girls stopped liking tall, fit, rich guys. But I'm ok with not being those things. The world didn't change. Only my mentality changed. But that was enough for me to be happy. I accepted "what is" and how I am, with my flaws and all. Nobody is perfect anyway. So cut yourself some slack, we're our own worst critics. Now I don't make the world, society or circumstances the enemy. And I don't let the hypothetical opinions of others or society tell me who I am and how I should feel about myself. I don't know the cause of your depression. But I am sure accepting "what is", and not making an enemy of "what is" will make things much better.
I recommend 2 audiobooks which you can find the entire book on youtube. One is "the four agreements" and the other is "the power of now".
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I know, that some laws are changing so that parents no longer have a right to withhold immunizations from their child, I would hope there's one about withholding permission for medical help for you whatever their reasons. While I'm not a high advocate for running to Drs first unless an emergency and prefer natural means of treating minor things, what you have is not something you can get by without medical intervention. While not always 100% perfect, scientists have created a synthetic versionn of the 'feel good hormones' your body is unable to produce on its own. That is something that needs help. You will need to talk to a school counselor and let them know you've battled depression for 4 years now and both parents have refused to allow you to be treated by medication and recently you were no longer allowed to get counseling anymore. Let the counselor know that you cut yourself and are thinking about suicide and just can't wait another 8 months until you're legally an adult to get your own treatment, you need it now or you'll probably kill yourself. A counselor cant ignore this and should put you in touch with agencies that can help. A call to CPS, Child protection services can give you a good idea if you have a right as a minor to be treated for something that could be potentionaly life threatening. Medical community takes depression very seriously. I am not a lawyer so I dont know the basic laws governing proper care of minor children but CPS would have an idea if theres a case here to over-ride your parents wishes as the law is beginning to do regarding parents withholding immunizations from child.
This is close to my child as I had a teen who was depressed at age 17 but there were no signs and she refused to tell me. I was an active caring parents always finding time to talk to each child and ask them how things were going and they felt comfortable knowing they could tell me everything, and they did, everything except this one thing in her case. I wish I knew so I could have taken her for help. I wish you the best dear. If I was your mom, you'd have had the medical care for years now. Good luck.
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