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i've never wanted somebody so much.
so about a month ago i was hooking up with the hottest guy at my university. i've always had a crush on him but i could live without him. it didn't bother me that he had a girlfriend last year i just thought he was cute. this year he broke up with his girlfriend and i knew it was my chance. our mutual friend told me he was interested in hooking up with me and therefore i did. i had sex with him twice and did everything else a bunch of times. this went on for three weeks. it was only 3 weeks but it was the best 3 weeks of my life. i remember the first time i ever saw him. and the first time he held me in his arms in his bed was so surreal. he ended things because he wanted to hook up with other people too, not because there was anything wrong with us. i respected him doing so and not dueling me and another so i let it him go do his thing. i was devastated but hid it.
you see, he thinks all i wanted to do was hook up with him. i guess we were friends with benefits. i never got the chance to tell him i really liked him. i wonder if i said anything, if he would've moved on from me to se other women? i feel like right now he's doing his own thing because he's enjoying being single, but let me tell you, i felt it with him. idk what "it" is, but i know thats how i want to feel with the man i marry someday. that "it" feeling is what keeps me holding onto him.
one month later and he has been with 2 other girls after me. i'm hurt yes, but i haven't showed any signs of it and when he ended things with me i acted like i wanted the same thing and to see other men. he has no idea i'm so wrapped up about him. i want to tell him but i also don't wanna scare him away from any potential chances i still have to hook up with him. please help me. what do i do? i miss him.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
All guys want a woman to be sexual with. For some, thats all they want, the sex. For others, they want the sex but they find just sex to feel empty if they didn't have a relationship with the female as well and those men will go looking for a female whose personality they enjoy. Sex right off the bat isn't a bad thing if he's the kind looking for a real relationship and already knows he likes several things about you and the connection is strong enough that you both end up becoming sexual early on but finding time to meet to spend time without having sex, watching a movie, bike riding together. going on a picnic. It doesnt mean he can't show affection during those events, just that sex isn't engaged in. this means you've got a guy you can have more with than just a hook up.
Sex and having a strong connection is very important since its one half of a successful happy relationship and the other is being each others best friend. That doesnt happen instantly upon having sex and must be nurtured by spending time together to see if theres enough in common and whether you have feelings for each other besides desire and lust, such as wanting to cheer a partner who's sad, calm one who's upset or worried, and if you find a guy who cares about you at this level besides having the great sex connection, then thats the one to go after.
This guy is not long term relationship material at this time and may never be. The reason you have a hard time forgetting him is due to the connection made during sex, granted it may be one sided, you connecting to him but if he can move on so easily, the same didn't happen on his end, at least not with the emotional feelings coming into the picture. Females are more able to act upon lustful attraction to begin with to have sex, but once having it, need to feel in love to continue it. Many guys (not all) don't need to feel love to have sex, just lust.
If you think tellin him how you feel could make a difference, you're welcome to make a stab at it.
You said you never got a chance to tell him how you felt. May I suggest something here? I believe rather than missed chances, most of us have trouble spotting the opportunitys to saying something, or we lack the art of taking any action you or he does, or anything he or you say, to lead the conversation in the direction you want to MAKE the opportunity to tell him. Opportunities like this just don't come along often if looking for 'chances' to say or double guessing yourself on when to say, how to say or what to say. Thats more behind lack of action in this scenerio than lack of chances.
If you want any help with what to say or some idea's how to, let me know and I'll try to help. But if you write me with that, it must be direct from my column as I can't answer where you put comments on my advice, there's no link there, as of yet.
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If right now you guys are nothing then you don't have much to lose by trying to fix things as long as you don't do anything to really embarrass yourself. I would first try running into him somewhere if you can arrange it to seem like a coincidence then maybe pull him aside and say something to suggest that u guys hang out again then take it from there. Try to be like I know we said we'd stop to let us hook up with other people but kind of miss hooking up with you, then once that's established you can feel it out and maybe after u guys hook up suggest that you make it more and see what he thinks, don't make it seem like a commitment neccisarily or that the discussion is about becoming exclusive more just about adding feelings into the equation meanwhile still allowing it to be casual for now. If you can't organize a casual run in then try texting him but keep it brief over text and jus say like I want a see you don't have this whole conversation on text.
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