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I think you were misled


Question Posted Thursday April 16 2015, 12:03 am

This is in regards to my last post about my friend from Japan that has ignored me the first time I said no to his love. I don't believe that his behavior rates bullying. Unless he's telling me to be with him or he'll post negative comments/information about me online he's desperate and/or clingy. He doesn't bully me and I felt very uncomfortable reading the advice you gave me. I understand it's your opinion, but you took my post completely the wrong way.
I don't feel bullied by him and he hasn't attacked me in any way at all. It's more along the line of a minor obsession. This may not be a question, but I wanted to make things a little more understandable.


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Razhie answered Thursday April 16 2015, 11:57 am:
I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable. I do think you need realize that a 'minor obsession' is not a compliment or a friendly thing. Someone who doesn't listen to you, or chooses not to take you seriously when you say no, is being very disrespectful.

If someone threatens you, that criminal! But a person doesn't have to do criminal things to be doing rude things, or bullying things. There are lots of things a person can do that are bullying behaviours that are not attacks or insults or crimes. Constantly forcing unwanted romantic attention on another person can absolutely be a bullying behaviour. Even if you aren't comfortable with that word applying to your particular situation.

I understand you don't feel bullied, but I'd like you to understand that bullying isn't just threats. It can be much more subtle than that. Some bullying may even look, on the surface, like it's a compliment, but if it's the kind of compliment that doesn't respect you or is designed to ignore or overrule you wishes, then it's not really a compliment at all.

You should take the great clarity and maturity you showed in these comments and use that when speaking to him. It's more important to be honest and clear - and to be clear about the respect you expect from a friend - then to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

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