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Should I give him a chance or end it?
Im 16 and a female. My ex and I have been on and off for about 2 years. We were so in love and I still love him and he tells me he still loves me. When we broke up 2 years ago, 6 months into our relationship, he had sex with my ex best friend. We started talking again and I found out after we started back talking. I let it go cause we weren't together and the girl was a backstabber anyway. The next year we got back together for 1 month. I got a guy's snapchat name and he accused me of flirting with the guy. We stopped talking and then started back, he even bought me a Valentines bear. I found out he got oral sex from a girl day before Valentines. We stopped talking. Now he's telling me how much he wants to change and he has. I don't want to look like the dumb girl. He never did this stuff while we were dating though. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
In our teens, we are really just starting the relationship thing with dating and with no prior experience, it is always a road filled with potholes and road blocks, and thus, the on again off again relationship. I am sure you desire a steady relationship. That will come when a couple things occur, One: You find the right guy Two:Both of you are willing to learn together the right way to do a relationship and that takes reading and studying just as you would for any subject in school. If placed in a kitchen and told to create a chef quality meal without the aid of a cookbook and you have no experience cooking before, how successful would you be? Same goes for dating and relationships.
Now the only thing thats missing here is knowing whether the two of you were sexual together. All I know is that he was being sexual with other girls while you were apart, but not whether the two of you were. If you were not and you don't want to do that yet, a good reason for your relationship problems is that he may be in it only to try to get sex from you and would prefer it with you but will take it where ever he can get it. Not all, but many teen boys seek sexual satisfaction over a relationship.
You mention love and it may be true. But I was married 30 yrs to a man who professed to love me and yet the relationship was rocky and abusive.
In the end a a friend with past counseling degree asked him if he was in love with me and he dodged the question at first. Deep down a person does know whether the love they feel is love like a preferance for something, I love chocolate or I love going to the beach. Be to be in love is way different. In love means, you're willing to take a bullet to save the life of the one you love...it's that extreme, yes. Not that you have to ever do such a thing but you know you care that deeply that if you ever lost the person, you;d have an extreme difficulty in going on with life, struggling with not wanting to live it without them. This is more than just a hurting heart but total desolation. Just telling you the difference so you can figure it out yourself whether the right love is there for both of you, not just one.
Another point to keep in mind is that the only person we can ever really own is ourselves. We can own property, cars, etc. but another human being can never be owned in a relationship and even a marriage license doesn't count here.
this means we can't ever have a claim of ownership on a person, whether with them or not. I hope not to mislead anyone with that statement. But what should be happening if two people are deeply in love, is instead of claiming ownership, they make a choice to give themselves to that other person and the connection is so strong that tho they make look at others, they are not attracted to them to date or marry because they want the whole ball of wax, not just the sexual connection but fall in love with the others personality and there is no need for a vow that might be broken. A vow or promise isn't what holds people together cus if it were, there'd be no divorces in the world. My husband and I acknowledge we have no right to expect each others devotion just because we are a couple. We each make a choice daily to give it. Its given, not demanded by each other. That slight difference in our way of thinking about and viewing our relationship makes it so much more solid than the average one out there. And yet each of us knows, that there's always a possibility that something could change in the future, where one of us isn't getting our needs met any longer and its too easy for one of us to divorce just as we both did once before with other partners. So we make sure to cultivate and nourish our relationship with the same care a little seedling gets and so it flourishes. I wish the same for you some day. You must decide for yourself if theres a possibility to have the kind of relationship I mention with this guy or not. And don't forget to look at yourself and challenge yourself to grow in any areas that may be contribute to a healthy relationship. We all have or had those. I did too and had to learn to change some things about me in order to have what i have today in a relationship.
Good luck!
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I personally don't think you should. They can say they changed, but you never really know. If he did it several times in the past, there is nothing stopping him from doing it again. But that's just how I see it. It sounds like a very unhealthy and unstable relationship, and I don't advise it. I say move on.
Hope this helps~
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