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should I leave my boyfriend for his actions?
So me and my bf have been dating for 3 years. In the beginning it was all good . you know fun . but there comes a time we're you gatta be serious like work or school he doesn't do any of that all he does is smoke weed and sometime drink most of the weekend also hang out . I tell him to go to school or start working .he said he will but I don't see any of that happening just the same thing. No progress.. I feel like he won't change I want a better life for him . we talk about moving together finding a place starting a family but feel like that will never happen. I love him but I don't know what to do . HELP
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First off I'm lm proud that his actions aren't influencing yours. But I know id leave him
Here's why
1. Acholism and Drugs can kill or shorten your life span
You don't want a husband who is going to die, when you want kids
2. It may influence you to do the same
3. He hasn't made any progress
4. Kids and achol isn't a healthy environment
5. He isn't ready for kids
If he cannot maintain himself maintaining kids is a no
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I dont know how old you are but i agree with the other poster, hes not trying to do anything with his life right now, hes probably taking you for granted and doesnt think youll leave and thinks hes "got it made" I say you tell him that your tired of his lazy behavior, that you want more out of life not just laying around and getting high.
Tell him you need a break at least and then take that time to not focus on him and see how he reacts to that. see if he thinks things over and gets a job while your apart.
Tell him that if he wants this to work he needs to have a job after your break and if it looks like hes making progress then you can give him another shot because maybe he will have thought things over and realized how important this is to you and that your serious about a better life for the two of you.
remember ANY JOB even if its fast food will suffice, but if he cant even manage that then he doesnt deserve you and you are wayyy out of his league. you sound like your wise beyond your years and know what you want out of life. Do you really think someone like him would be able to keep up with you later down the road?
your going to end up supporting HIM when the two of you get older, youll come home to your apartment and he'll have been there all day getting high and hanging out while your paying ALL the bills and keeping the two of you just above sleeping on the streets, barely able to pay bills. So unless hes willing to readily change after a short break then i think you need to move on because love is powerful but its not going to pay the bills or keep food on the table or feed possible children.
Also remember having a child with someone like this will NOT always make him "straighten up" or "change" if what he does is deeply ingrained him. Does he at least have a car?? or ANY responsibilities?? and if so how well does he take care of them??
Also having a child with this person will tie you to them FOR LIFE because he has a right to see his child, so he'll never just be that "mistake" or "loser" you dated years ago and be glad you put it behind him and dont have to deal with him ever again should things go badly. really keep that in your head because ive had alot of friends that thought at the time of their broken relationship with their man they knowingly had a child with them thinking it would help bring them closer and it didnt, if anything a child complicates matters and doesnt allow you to focus on each other anymore causing MORE unneeded stress that will eventually end badly.
If he cant even meet you halfway on things when you ask him to ease up off the weed and maybe start listening to what your saying when you speak of having a future together then hes not taking what your saying seriously anyway and thats red flag number one that you need to leave. This shows that he doesnt take anything you say seriously and is just "going along with it" to appease you temporarily.
It sounds like hes not serious about ANYTHING in his life right now and for someone like you whos thinking of the future thats just not going to work, your not compatible and nothing you say or do for him is going to change that. He has to want those things too and he clearly doesnt, so he doesnt want the same things you want. you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped, life is a journey each and every one of us has to take on our own even if your married and have a long time partner, you still live and breathe your own life and your own feelings and thoughts. theres people in this world that think "if i have a man or a partner, they'll take care of everything for me so i dont have to" but thats not the case even if you have someone that pays all your bills and you dont have to do anything all day.
good luck and take some time to really think this through. i think youll see whats really best for you here....; )
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It's always good in the beginning, usually. The best foot forward. And by the sounds of it you're starting to really mature and realize there is more to life than just hanging out and getting smashed.
Your boyfriend sounds like he's in "coast" mode. He doesn't expect you to leave him because you have been together so long. And no matter how many times you get on his case about bettering himself for the sake of your relationship and your future with him, depending on his age he could be dead set in his way and there won't be much you can do to try and help him. Those talks usually end in arguments and/or he probably goes silent after saying that he will do something about it. But there is never and will probably never be a significant change that will make you feel like things could possibly get better permanently.
Even though you love him it is highly recommended that you do what is best for you. Whether you stay with him or leave him is up to you. But you have to ask yourself, how much more can you take of his laziness and procrastinating before the inevitable eventually happens? If he really cared enough about you and your future he would do something to ensure its survival.
You should start by focusing more on you. What do you want to do with your life? Where do you want to be in the next 5 years? Make a goal sheet that you can tick off your achievements that work towards certain goals. Yes you can have more than one goal. Do things that make you happy that don't involve him. If he cares he'll take notice.
Having been in the same situation I understand how you feel. I left my disappointment, er... I mean I left him. :) And I am happy to say I found something so much better than that particular situation.
You can do the same, you just have to find the strength to make up your own mind.
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