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My gf hates my boss, who was once her best friend. I'm in the middle!
I'm a 45yo F. I met a new group of friends last year, and was immediately attracted to "Tee" (40yo F). Tee's best friend, "Vee", had hit on me the year before, but I wasn't interested, at all. Vee is, however, a business owner in my field. When I started dating Tee, Vee offered me a job to keep me in town (I was planning a move). It turned out to be a great job, and I'm learning a lot and making good money. At first Tee was good with it, but her jealousy has gradually gotten to the point where she hates Vee. Vee and I have NEVER done anything... the paranoia is ALL in Tee's head, but it's making my life miserable. I've offered to quit, but she knows I love the job. At this point, I don't even want to be in a relationship with her anymore, though, because this thing has broken up their friendship, their circle of friends, and I can't help but feel responsible, even though I've done absolutely nothing wrong. What would you do?
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You are stuck definitely in the middle.
I personally think trust should factor into a relationship.
I'd somehow show tell her you didn't do anything and that you won't tolerate this lack of trust
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Honestly, you might want to seek therapy.
Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because you have some really tough choices to make, and to learn to live with. You are probably not going to get everything you want. A therapist could help you navigate that in an on-going way. Any advice I give will just be one-off.
From a one-off perspective, it sounds like you probably want to dump Tee. She's creating a lot of unpleasantness in a bunch of areas of your life, and she is absolutely refusing to listen to you when you try to tell her how her behaviour is impacting you. That's a pretty solid reason to break up with someone.
If you are going to stay with her, it sounds like you really need to stand up for the choices that have been made. That means reminding her that despite her feelings about Vee, the choice to remain at that job is yours and you've made it. Also, regardless of her feelings, Elle is a dear friend and you are going to make her a priority now. If you can't make her understand - fine, but don't sacrifice what you feel is right just because she doesn't understand. Do the thing you feel is right anyways.
Also, you might want to consider cultivating some friendships outside this group. What happened isn't your fault, but it does suggest you were overly dependant on your girlfriend's existing group of friends. Reach out and reconnect with people beyond her group and you'll feel more balanced and less isolated.
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