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GETTING BACK ..CANT MOVE ON
OK Firstly i would like to apologize for the length of this. To begin with i am 15 yrs of age and i have realized that since i was 14 years i had been attracted to older guys. i mean older guys like 3 years older and more. i am really embarrassed by that fact but i this just me.
so i dated this guy who is 23 years .he was perfect mature enough and never made me do anything i didnt want to do.he was really sweet and he took my age into consideration.He was never rude to me and was quite honest.the problem was that my mum knew about him. she thought we just spoke and were friends. so i decided to break up with me and i regret it dearly. i want him back although he said we are not meant to be.i have tried dating other guys but i dont have any feelings for them and they have a lot for me. i dont want to break any hearts. Every time i try to tell him ( my ex) how i feel he says he dont believe me and that i was only being nice because that is the way i am.now i am depressed and horny about him .i have never felt sexually attracted to anyone and i cant.help!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I have a few possibilities . It may be just natural to be attracted to older guys but it seems as if its permanently asin yyou'll always like them.
Maybe he doesn't want it to dramatic. Having relationship problems with a 15 YO isn't very well taken seriously
Maybe he doesn't want to believe that your serious and was just playing along because you didn't want to be rude
Hope it helped
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You may be more mature for your age while guys your age are less mature so it's natural to feel attracted to older men, however, at 18 males have to be careful. Even if a female younger than 18 was perfectly willing, they can be arrested for having sex with a minor. I know it may not sound fair to you but imagine if someone else found out and squealed on him and thats what happened to him, how bad you would feel. Its a tough spot you're in, but to protect any guy you may date, either he be under 18, or you wait until you turn 18 to be with older males.
The reason there are laws regarding when it's ok for young people to have sex and when its okay to drink legally, is only for their protection. The laws have to be a general age of when those making the laws felt that young people would be mentally mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with having sex (protecting against disease and pregnancy and for drinking, not driving while under the influence at these particular ages.
To be honest, they are actually being very generous with choosing those ages, as the pre frontal cortex of the brain responsible for good decision making is not done growing or mature until we all reach our mid 20s. For some, our brains mature a little earlier and others, more towards the late 20s.
I will say that at your age, I did not find any guys sexually attractive, though I got horny too. I just took care of it with masturbating.
It seems this 23 yr old guy was willing at one point but after a break from you he changed his mind, and mind you, he wasn't even 25 yet so its possible he wasn't thinking either of the danger he placed himself in by dating you and having a sexual relationship. He may be confused as to what to say to you, may be feeling guilty as to waking up and changing his mind. Someone who knows what was going on, may have threatened to tell the police if he went back to you so he is staying away and trying to convince you that what you felt for him wasn't for real. I know it hurts, and you may never know the reasons, but truly it is for the best, not your best as far as your heart is concerned and I don't expect you to see the wisdom in waiting until you turn 18 to have sex with a guy older than you while dating him. I was one of those who was mature at my age and just after I turned 20, got married to a nice guy 24, from church. It turns out there were signs there, that he would not be a good choice. and there certainly were incidences after I married him. I may have been mature dear, but I was lacking life experience to really know how to deal with relationships and too naive to see the signs before me. I ended up being verbally abused for 30 yrs of marriage before I left at the end when he was just beginning to become physically rough with me as well.
I wish I knew better back then, but there really is no way for teens or people in their 20's to really know any better from experience. Thats when it comes in handy to have older people you feel comfortable bearing your heart to, ones you can trust who really know you well. Its too embarassing for most to talk to their mom about such things if mom is uptight about talking about sex and not open minded. I had 3 daughters dear. I know when they became horny and offered to buy them sex toys, when they were entering high school I asked them to watch closely the girls who were in and out of relationships all the time and what happens to them. They observed girls getting so upset as you when things didn't work out as they hoped, the worry, the heartbreak and all, took concentration away from grades and they noticed classmates failing on tests or in certain classes. They all decided I was right, that it was better to wait until they turned 18 before even dating and having sex. They could have all the male friends they wanted. However, I did say that if by chance, they meet a male friend for whom there was a strong mutual attraction to the point they might want to have sex, that all they needed to do was tell me and I would make sure they had contraceptives and condoms to protect againt disease as well. If any guy was interesting in just dating, he was welcome to come hang out at our house. Though they all had male friends, none ever took them up on coming to our home. And they all waited on dating. Not all Moms will be as easy to discuss dating and sex with as me, but if you have anyone who you trust, its always good to get the perspective of an older person who knows you...hopefully someone older than 25 whose mental thought processes have matured by then. I wish you the best. Just be patient, it takes lots of time to get over someone when there is a break up.
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I think you need to try and let go of this for now.
It's totally okay to be attracted to older people. Especially when you are only 15. When the older people you are talking about means 18+ then all you are really describing is men who are actually sexually mature. That's not particularly unusual or unhealthy.
But this guy, he's moved on and isn't interested right now. You WILL feel sexual attractions to other people in your life. I promise that will happen. This is not the end, he is not the one, he was just an important one early on in your life. But he has now said no to you, and you have to respect that.
It's okay to be sad, and still be attracted to him, but you have to learn to handle that in ways that are respectful. If you aren't attracted to other people right now, then don't date other people right now. It's better to be single until you find someone you actually want to date - and who wants to date you!
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