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should i be scared?
hi Dragonflymagic thans for the advise. it really helped me and now we are friends going together at the basketball court! BUt i am afraid to tell her how i feel for her and if i do so i am afraid tha she will reject me. What do i do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Start first with showing her how you feel about her.
This is why it is important to talk much on many different occasions, to know more about her. What is her favorite color, favorite food and much more. I know you can't be buying her gifts, most people your age don't have a lot of money if any at all. But you can give her your presence and undivided attention. That is one of the ways of expressing Love Language. Another is doing special tasks,that she could do herself, like offer to go get her a refill for her drink when its empty. My husband is always asking if I want another cup of tea or coffee and making it for me, even though I could do it myself. It's actually called, "acts of service". Another is called Positive Affirmations. It again helps to know what is important to her. A girl kinda knows a guy is attracted to her or finds something specific attractive. Let her know. "When you wear your hair like that, it's my most favorite style you do , though I like the others too." "That necklace or those earrings look great on you." "I find your smile irresistable, I can't stop looking when you smile and your laugh is even better, it is like .....(and describe it in your own words. Examples: soothing, musical, magical, sweet...Also build her up with words complimenting her skills. Perhaps she writes poetry for fun but you tell her you like it and compared to other poets, she's just as great, encourage her to try publishing hers, or encourage she in following of any of her other dreams. We all need someone who believes in us, other than our parents. And usually that falls to a boyfriend/girlfriend or a life mate.
Lets say her favorite way to exercise is bike riding. And perhaps she loves flowers, or maybe she loves dogs. You ask her to go on a bike ride with you. Research what safe paths there are to ride bike in your area, perhaps a park not too far away. Pick a park that is very scenic and ask her to go with you. If you want to impress her, take her by a pet shelter if she loves animals at a time there is no school so you can both donate some time there paying attention and giving love to animals waiting for homes. If none is in your area, perhaps a pet shop where the shop owner will let you hold some of the pups and kittens or whatever other animals they carry. this planning of events to go to, things to do together if its something she has an interest in will feel very special to her. Again, pretending she loves dogs, maybe isn't allowed to have any but you have one, invite her over to come meet your dog. Make sure her parents and hers are okay with her coming to visit. What other guys at school who may be interested in her are going to go through this much to win her attention. Girls do like attention from males and she may smile and giggle if guys flirt with her, but if you do this even halfway right, you'll be the person she wants to spend time with. This gives a girl time to get to know you too and realize you really care about her and maybe have strong feelings for her because someone who does not, will not take the time. And the person won't take time because they don't care as deeply about her as you do. Lots of guys interest is skin deep. They don't care about who she is on the inside. If you show her that you are, then you've caught her interest as well.
One more thing shares love and that is touch. It doesn't have to be a romantic thing, especially in the beginning, whatever is customary for greeting a friend or congratulating them or thanking them. If she gives you a gift or does something special for you that's an opportunity to say thank you and give a kiss on the cheek and tell her how much that gift meant to you. You want to encourage her to give her a clue that her attention in return is welcomed so encourage. Find time as you talk to give a friendly pat on the shoulder such as when you first meet up at school or else where. A quick, brief side hug, not one facing her, is non threatening, non sexual but conveys your interest in how you like being close to her. Flirting touch is non threatening and actually has a very valid reason behind it that can't be mistaken as a sexual come on because of that, even though you're using the opportunity to. Say she has a loose eyelash on her cheek or a spot of food on her chin, or even "an imaginary one if you get tired of waiting for the real thing to happen", and you brush it off, or food, you wipe it away from her. That gives your fingers a chance to brush against her skin. And if you can bring yourself to be so bold say something like, "I know you could have brushed that away yourself if I just pointed it out, but I couldn't help myself, I saw it as a chance to get to touch you if briefly and I really wanted to. (Add a compliment) You have such pretty skin, or very soft skin. Truly mean what you say, your common interests be real because if you pretend on all of it, even at this young age, females are developing their female intuition, like a 6th sense and she may feel it is not genuine.
Once you've done these things for a while, then you tell her that you like her a lot and the feeling keep getting stronger...or whatever your words would be. At this point, with all that you have done, she can't help but having some feelings for you too and wondering desperately how you feel about her. A girl needs to have her feelings/love nurtured like this to have feelings for the guy who treats her this way.
If you aren't willing to prove to her by your actions how you feel before telling her how you feel, then perhaps you don't care as strongly about her as you thought. Yes, a relationship takes work to nurture and grow and too many young men do not know how which isn't a crime but not asking for some guidelines on how, is a poor choice. You have asked, these are my suggestions. Good luck young man.
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