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what should I do at this sticky situation?
Dear Sir/Madam,
i am a 13 year old boy from Greece who desperately needs your advice on a confusing situation.
i have feelings for a girl that barely knows me and i just need things to go on well with the two of us .We go to the same basketball team and also at the same school.When she speaks to me i get frozen every time.Last week, she came at one of my basketball matches and encouraged me.I felt so happy!
in addition, i want to get close to her but i am afraid that i am just going to destroy everything about our friendship.I just want to get some attention from her or otherwise to be something more than friends!
in conclusion, i need your advice on my thorny issue and a suggestion how to get close to her ( without destroying everything). Any help would be appreciated.
Yours Faithfully,
A confused little boy
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It is very natural for a person to become frozen, unable to speak to or do anything when near the person their heart is reacting to. You may feel just fine and able to talk to other girls because it's not important to you what they think as you have no interest in them.
I will say that if she cheered you on, there's a possibility that she likes you. So from what you say,I am guessing you are friendly to each other as classmates at school but that you are not close friends. So you want to become more than friends with her, but I suggest you start with learning how to be her best friend first. What do best friends do together? They spend time together doing some things they have in common. If you don't know her that well yet, you need to start with talking to her. What is it you like about her, her personality, her laugh, her smile, how she looks, that she is good at a sport or a smart student? Smile and say hello and greet her by name whenever you see her. You don't have to say anything else but take this in small steps just starting with that. Once you are comfortable doing that, compliment her next to start a conversation, for example: I heard you got high grades in History class, congratulations. Is that a new shirt, dress, skirt, pants you're wearing? It looks great on you. I just wanted to really say that I like your smile and laugh and it really meant alot when you came to one of my basketball matches. You will figure out what things to say. Next, you ask questions about herself, its the only way to find out what you might have in common. Ask her what some of her favorite pastimes are, what her hobbies are. Find out what type of music she likes, a favorite group of singers, a favorite type of movie, books. Once she has answered for you, tell her if you like the same or if you have a different favorite. Once you have begun a friendship, you can later tell her that you are beginning to develop stronger feelings than friendship for her and wonder if she feels the same. This is a non threatening way to admit feelings, even if in truth you had them from the start. this way, she can let you know if she doesnt have the romantic feelings for you 'before you get too serious about her', you may get the answer you want and you may not. But that is part of life. Someone can become a best friend but there is no chemistry between you for the romance and sex later and chemistry is a pheremone thing you are born with and can not change no matter what you do. So at the very least, you will gain a friend. Or you may gain a girlfriend.
If you fumble mid way through talking to her, the best thing you can do is admit why. Not only does it boost her self confidence as a female for having that effect on you, but once you admit that you are having a hard time talking because you really like her alot and want to get to know her, and it's making you feel nervous, once said, the fear goes away. It's the fear of messing up that keeps you messing up more. It's facing that fear and telling the truth, getting past it, when you will realize that now that the worst is over, you froze but explained, and that she is still there willing to talk to you, and you will find your confidence boosted as well.
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