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Boyfriend Doesn't Regularly Call Me
I have a boyfriend of almost four years, who is basically everything that I want in a man. He is mannerly, polite, good in bed (he is the only man who I ever slept with, who was truly able to make me cum – out of three other sexual partners that I had), and loves me, as I love him.
He is the kind of guy, who not only drove all the way out of his way to pick my family for my cousin’s wedding, but helped my mom who was carrying around a cane at the time get around during my cousin’s wedding day. Not only that, but he stayed at my cousin’s wedding until he was told to go home, even though he was really sick.
It’s really little things like that, that tell me how much he loves me. The one time he bought me pads, after he took me out to breakfast, because I had left my card at his house. I was sick over winter break, and I could tell that he was concerned. When I thought that I was pregnant at first, instead of freaking out, he worried that I was just really sick or stressed. It’s like things like that. We have this amazing dynamic and he is the one who I want to spend my life with.
Another thing I look for in a guy is someone who has a successful future ahead of him. Since I am in my twenties this either means someone who is in the service, going to school, or who graduate college, in my opinion. My boyfriend loves numbers and is majoring in accounting, he is graduating in May of this year. The two of us have talked about getting married. We want each other. We need to be in each other’s lives.
I’m serious about this guy enough that I want to marry him. He said that he wants to ask me one day, just not yet. I’ve decided that I’m going to propose to him, with a cheaper ring that I want to get engraved with our names on it. Basically, this will not mean the phases of starting to plan a wedding, but sort of pre-engagement, like we’re entering into a contract that we’re going to get engaged… I guess. I do want the traditional thing where I wear the engagement ring, lol. I know that’s want he wants too.
We have a significant problem – he knows that this is a problem, but for some reason he cannot break it. He doesn’t call me every day. When I try calling him, he never answers. Neither does he text me back right away when I text him. He’s admitted that he’s socially awkward, he really doesn’t have much friends other than on World of Warcraft and on nights that he plays Magic the Gathering, so I don’t know if he just has a really rough time with building relationships, and he’s also admitted that he can be lazy.
He has suggested other ways around this. Promising me that he would get better, and I think that it something that he wants to work on. He even suggested that we try Skyping.
I have talked to other girls in the past about this, and they all say that if their boyfriend did that to them, they would dump him. I have made up my mind that I don’t want to leave him, but I do want this mannerism to change. I know that you can’t change a person but because a behaviorism, I think it’s something that can be trained into him.
He has admitted that he’s socially awkward and I’m the first girl who he’s dated for over a year. He also admits that he can be very lazy. Truthfully, I’m less experienced than he is – he is only my third boyfriend. I’m like his fifth or sixth girlfriend, and, like, the seventh or eighth girl who he’s slept with. Before him I dated a guy for 5 months, and then I also dated another guy for a little over a month.
When we first started dating he would call me every night. Now, his phone calls have turned into less and less. I used to threaten to leave him for this in an attempt to counter this, but he got frustrated with me one day for saying that, he told me, “Never do that again. If you’re going to break up with me then just do it.”
My boyfriend only says things like that when he’s really upset about something, when he’s hurt he masks it by acting really angry, and occasionally mean. When things aren’t as rough, he never acts like that. That’s something I can live with.
That same day his grandmother was starting her chemotherapy, she had just recently been diagnosed with lung cancer a few weeks prior. They had also found out that the cancer had spread through her body. So, really, things were not looking bright at that point.
Now, that it’s getting worse, I really just want to be there for him. Also, I’m so stressed out right now. I haven’t seen him in a while because I was sick over my winter break, and he wanted for me to find out what was wrong with me before I traveled anywhere. He was angry that I chose not to go to the hospital. I had a yeast infection and a bacterial infection. I think that it was the result of a hormonal imbalance, since it seems better after me going on birth control.
This semester is not easy for me, because I decided to take 18 credits, including an independent study and my thesis tutorial. Both of which I have to do a lot of work in. I’m concern that I’m going to get distracted, if I travel down there, so I really need for him to make this effort in order for us to stay together. Granted, spending time together is highly important but communication is even more so.
I travel to see him because I have a bed to sleep in after I get there. I live in my grandmother’s house and she will not let him stay the night. Thus, he would have to spend $45 in tolls to see me for a few hours, and then drive all the way back home. That would be a 2 hour drive on a good day, longer on a bad day. Personally, I don’t mind travelling down there because I love sleeping next to him.
How do I get him to improve on this?
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First of all, you can't make someone change. No matter what it is, if he wants to, he will. You can't train him, he'd have to want to.
I also think it's stupid girls would dump their boyfriends just for them not calling them all the time.
He sounds like a great guy. He sounds like he loves you and you sound like you love him. In the beginning of relationships, you'll always hear from them. They'll always want to call you and talk to you and that's great. Later on the feelings change and they won't feel the need to call you all the time. And there is nothing wrong with that. I know so many guys who don't care for texting or talking on the phone. My ex used to call me all the time in the beginning of the relationship, eventually, he stopped and same with some other guys I dated. Some guys just aren't that into it.
I don't think it's necessary for him to call you every day. He doesn't need to text you back right away.
As long as he makes an effort to text you back and call you every once in awhile, you should be fine. I don't see why you think he needs to call you every day.
If he just isn't a guy who likes talking on the phone, then he just isn't. As long as he does it every once in awhile because you like to talk on the phone, then there's compromise.
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Okay... he sounds like a wonderful person, although I see you are making excuses for him.
You will totally fck up if you start pressuring him, trust me on this. What is the urgency anyway?
When men start to feel pressured into things they will balk. Your attempt to make things better (for you) by asking him to marry you will be the biggest mistake you ever made my Dear. Nothing will push him away faster.
Let him be the man and let him do this at his own pace. Men want to be men, let him do the man thing and ask you to marry him! When he is ready to ask you he will ask you.
You are a smart girl, that is easy to see by the way you wrote your letter. So be smart and back off some, if you want this man to stick around. You sound a bit clingy and I understand that you love him and do not want to lose him. Cornering him and demanding he do anything that he does not want to do is just is not the way to keep him.
Step back and stop thinking about it so much. You are probably wearing yourself out over thinking the situation, and over thinking things is NEVER good.
Ypour friends say they wpould drop him if they were you? Really, over him not calling you everyday? That is insane to put such demands on someone that is not your spouse. They are either full of it by suggestioning you break up or you are not telling the entire story in the letter you submitted. You may be sugar coating things, hmmm?
If he is mean to you or hits you then disreguard everything I said previous because you are looking for love in a man than is only going to cause you hell. I suggest you do not persue someone that is is hateful or beliitles you in anyway.
If he is really as good as you say then think about what I said and chill out some, and please above all else do not >>>DO NOT ask him to marry you! It will not get the results you hope for.
You mentioned that you are aware you cannot change anyone and you are so right! Then you said you could "train" him. Oh my...... stop trying to control this man! He will resent you for it, understandably so. Listen to yourself! You cannot train anyone, how would you feel if someone tried to train you in to do something you were not wanting to do. yet?
Let him do this at his pace. You need to TRAIN yourself on how to be patient.
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