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Me and my boyfriend have no privacy !
Me and my boyfriend (both 22 years old) have been together for a little over 2 years and we have a great relationship there's just one thing that's bothering us. We get absolutely no privacy to be intimate, EVER! We are both still living home with our parents and someone is always home at each of our houses. We both work and saving money to get our own place but the state we live in is very expensive to do so and will take a decent amount of time. We maybe have sex twice a month and it's driving us crazy! Of course we thought of the idea of getting a hotel but how many times can we really do that? I'm just scared it will become a big problem in our relationship. Advice please !
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are both adults and as such entitled to all the freedoms of an adult which include a sex life. Now I'm much more liberal than most parents and most parents believe as I do that if you live under my roof you live under my rules.
What that means is certain common courtesies should be given and expected. Such as telling your parents when you expect to be home and if you're going to be late to call them. Why do you need to give them this courtesy? Because they are your parents and you live with them as such they will worry if you are not him when you say you will be.
As for having sex in your bedroom I can understand both you and your parents being a bit uptight about this and your parents maybe being unreasonable by saying not in our house. They have spent most of your life worrying about you and sex and pregnancy. Now that you're an adult it is hard for them to let go of what has been a major concern. Wrong yes, can they change their mind probably but it will take time. They know you are having sex they just don't want it thrown in their face.
Because my son screwed up his credit rating he lived part-time at home and part-time at his fire station. OF course at his fire station he could not have guests in his room, that was reserved for the nights he was home. He fixed the basement into an apartment for himself and yes we knew when he had a girl down there they were sleeping together and were having sex.
Being the parents of the boy it is a little easier to accept your son having sex in your him and as I said my wife have always been very liberal in discussing sex with him. It might be easier to find or make some area of your boyfriend house into an area of privacy for the two of you.
My son turned the basement into his room. Yes the laundry room is down there and that posed a problem as he and at one time a girlfriend, a nurse, worked strange hours and would be asleep when my wife wanted to do laundry. Problem was solved by hanging a drape across the area he used for a bedroom. Sort of out of sight out of embarrassment for anyone.
I believe both parents know you two are having se. It would be foolish to believe otherwise, you're both adults and most of us engaged in sex before marriage so it would be hypocritical to try and stop you two. It is probably more of not in our face thing. Like I said it might be easier with his parent as he is the boy to carve out some space for yourselves in their home as my son did.
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I know we all do better if we know no one can hear what's going on. Have you actually talked to both sets of parents? Asked if they would have a problem with it? My oldest when engaged and still living at home had our blessing to have her fiancee over to her room overnight and they had sex. Not all parents are that openminded, even though you are both adults now. If the parents don't mind and it's more you feeling squeamish about engaging in sex under the parents roof, then may I suggest you give yourself some time to get comfortable with it. There is a period of adjustment time to getting comfortable with that. When I met my current husband, he was a divorced Dad with teen daughter in a one bedroom apt. The daughter was raised to not have problems discussing sex, knew when her parents had engaged in it and it didn't bother her. So when I moved in, we had the living room/kitchen big area as our place for bed and privacy. She had the bedroom and access to the bath was through her room. So we knocked if we needed to use the bath or she knocked if she wanted to come out to make a tea or popcorn for herself while we were in bed. Or call out to ask if we were decent or covered. It took some adjusting for me to not feel self conscious at first but after a month, we all found a way to make it work. She'd let us know if she planned to be out of the house a long time so we could have time together and would call shortly before coming home as her Dad was a nudist too and she warned us that she was almost home and whether she was bringing a friend by so we could be presentable.
I believe that at the very least, if you mention to the parents that you'd like to work something out with them, could they let you know when they will be away and give you a few minutes warning before coming back so you have some privacy to yourselves. Hotels aren't the answer and since you have a financial reason to live with the parents, they need to be made aware of your need, whether they have sex anymore or not so compromising can be made.
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You could always move to a different state, or to a cheaper part of that state? That's always a option. If not, keep saving for that area, and try to work things out so that when you know one of your guys' parents will be out, plan to have one of you come over to the other. The parents have to leave sometime, so when they do, you can be ready.
Hope this helps~
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