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my cousin is always putting me down
I am a 25 year old female and I visit my aunt every weekend but my cousin who is a 19 year old male just recently moved in with my aunt and he is constanty making rude remarks about me and putting me down verbally . I will explain how he does this .I got on tgr scale one day because I have been trying to lose weight for some time now . I am proud to say that I was 202 pounds in may of last year and yesterday I got on the scale and now I am 172 pounds so i lost 30 pounds since may of last year but my cousin was standing over me and said that there is know way that you could have lost all that weight that fast as much as you eat the scale has to be way off. He tagged me in a post on fb of a picture of a huge sandwich and it said who could eat this? When people take pictures of me with their phones he makes comments like you might not want to do that she will break your phone because she is so ugly . On Saturday we were both suppose to br watching my other cousin who I 23 but he has autism and my cousin who has autism mom bought him a 42 inch flat screen tv for Christmas so my cousin who was suppose to be helpiny me watch my cousin with autidm asked him if hr could watch tv but after 2 hours he wanted to watch a Barney movie and he told him he had to wait another hour and I told him he needed to let him watch his movie because it was his tv and he had it for 2 hours already snf told me he'd just have to be upset because he was in the middle of a show and he could watch iy after him so the cousin that I we were watching got in front of the tv to put in a movie and my 19 year old cousin told him to move because he was trying to watch tv . My cousin with autism wanted me to get his charger for his phone so I was to gey from next door and my 19 year old cousin daid je dosnt need it he can just be upset but I went and got it anyway . My 19 year old cousin also creeps me out he came into my room without while I was getting dressed . I just don't know what to do help.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
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If your cousin puts you down (in person or on facebook), say the following:
"I feel hurt when you make those comments. I feel as though they are disrespectful. I feel sad that my own cousin would talk that way to me. I need you to stop making comments about my weight."
Then say what he says. He will say one of three things: #1 He will apologize and agree not to do it again #2 He will flat out refuse to respect you and continue being insulting or #3 He will try to pretend he was joking or change the subject.
If he responds with #1, then that's good and you have nothing to worry about. If he responds with #2, you need to cut him out of your life because he has no intention of respecting you. Cousin or not, you do not deserve to be verbally abused. If he responds with #3 say: I know you may have been joking, but even so: I feel hurt when you make those comments. I feel as though they are disrespectful. I feel sad that my own cousin would talk that way to me. I need to to stop making comments about my weight. Just keep repeating yourself until he answers with either #1 or #2.
Do this same process for if he walks in on you changing or if he is mean to your cousin with autism. For example:
"I feel creeped out when you walk in on me changing. I feel as though that is not appropriate.. I feel that cousins should not see one another naked. I need you to respect my privacy."
Then wait for answers #1, #2, #3 and respond accordingly.
This is a great communication strategy that I use in all awkward situations. It is great because it forces people to be either respect you or GTFO. The basic formula is: I feel+I feel+I feel+I need. Then wait for answers #1, #2 or #3.
If you have any other questions, feel free to let me know.
Oh and here is a video for you. Happy Holidays!
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Toodles,
Miss Piggy
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When it comes to bullies they usually have two common things driving what they do or how they go after their chosen target.
First of all, believe it or not they are jealous of something their victim has either accomplished, attributes, skills or in general has that they want for themselves.
The second factor that is always present is that due to home environment or other negative factors in their lives they choose a victim to project all of it onto. They want a reaction and you can't give it as hard as it is.
You definitely have the right to get dressed in private and he cannot violate that. You need to go to your mother and aunt at the same time and tell them that he's creepy and you saw him trying to look at you not dressed when you thought you were in private to do so. He needs disciplined there right away.
Point out to them the constant bullying and what he has said and have them confront him about it and try to make it better. If you involve adults to advocate for you no doubt you will see a shift in his behavior or him not bothering you because of consequences for doing so.
In the meantime and I never advocate violence if he tries looking again like you described before you can consult an adult be sure to yell at him and kick or punch at him which is your right to do so he gets this isn't being tolerated and you won't be victimized. It's an act of self-defense on your point.
You need to tell about that incident to adults because he may be pulling this on others or thinking he can. They can gauge what kind of problem and help he needs as I doubt this starts and ends with you. It's a disgusting pattern of behavior he has.
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