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One of my best friends may be going to prison
So my husband and I are both students that also work. We decided to move in with one of my husband's coworkers (We have become extremely close, almost like family) to save money on rent. My husband and him are both in the military. A couple months ago, the police came and raided the house, because they had proof that somebody in the house was watching/downloading child pornography. Basically they searched every inch of the house and all the electronics, and found over 10 videos of child pornography on our roommate's computer downloaded from lime wire and he went to jail for a couple weeks then bailed out. While he was in jail, we got our own place. With my husband being in the service, and I in nursing school, we thought it was best. Well now he is home and awaiting his trial, and he is incredibly depressed. He does not have any family here and all of his friends have abandoned him because they heard why he was in jail. My husband wants nothing to do with him. He has been wanting to hang out with us because he is lonely and depressed, but my husband does not want to see him at all and is angry about everything. I am having a hard time, because I feel like it is unfair for us to be treating him differently, because he hasn't been proven guilty of anything. I still want to believe that it was an accident, because I love him. He is a really great guy. Not a person that has met him doesn't like him. Don't get me wrong, child pornography is disgusting and if I find out that he indeed watched it, I want nothing to do with him. But, is it right that we keep ignoring him, or should I be there for him during this terrible time in his life?? Note that my husband would probably be pissed that I spent time with him.. I am really struggling with this. Sorry for the long post..
Thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You are right in that you should never abandon someone you have grown close to even if he is proven guilty. In this instance though your husband being in the military does not have the rights you have as a civilian. He can be looked at as guilty by association for supporting his friend. The Uniform Military Code of Justice is not like the laws you live under.
While it is said that under the UCMJ a member of the Military is innocent until proven guilty; many times the person has to prove their innocence as they are deemed guilty before trial in the eyes of the Board of Courts Martial. This would be one of those times.
I know it is unfair to you and to your friend. When it comes to something like this many will see you as guilty by association because of what he is charged with. In essence if he was an ax murder it would be easier to remain his friend than now with the fact that child porn was found on his computer.
As hard and as harsh as this may sound, for the good of your husbands career, if the military is his career, you must sever your relationship with your friend until after the trial.
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