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humorist-workshop
not sure what to do!
22/f
In an ldr for around 2 months now.My boyfriend is moody..he retreats into his cave.
I last spoke to him day before yesterday and he was all lovey dovey.
And yesterday he didn't reply to my messages and later when I asked him if he's busy, he said he's not but unhappy with his uni.
He moved there 2 months back. Things have been hectic for him I'm assuming.
He skypes often.Usually initiates it all the time.
Talks to me well and all that's there.
I do not like the fact that his mood swings get to me.
I asked him if hes unhappy with the relationship, he said not at all,and he had mood swings last week as well (so I asked him if it was me,he assured it wasn't)
So I dunno if this is a way of signalling that hes donw wit the relationship.
I am totally paranoid when it comes to this.
I asked him "if this changes things between us"
Him : no not the relationship
Me : it eventually would,if you stop talking to me.
Him : I wouldn't stop talking to u,my feelings for you haven't changed
I'm having a bad day.
What am I supposed to assume from this?
I'm confused!:(
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It sounds like he's depressed and when your depressed you start taking it out on the people thats closest I would talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel because that matters too and he will see that and reassure him that you will support him
Hope that helped and got the answer you were looking for
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Constant mood swings could be a sign of depression. Either clinical depression or bipolar depression. If this is his first time away from home it could also be that on the days he is in a down mood it is day he has too much time on his hands, not enough classes to attend, and is home sick.
Whichever is the case stop asking about how your relationship is going as the problem is probably not your relationship. By doing so you are only causing him more grief. Instead try to get him to go to the health center. He should tell them about his moods swings and how often they occur. They will screen him for depression. Based on the results of the screening I would hope they take the appropriate medical intervention for the diagnosis they arrive at.
Whatever you do, do not suggest to him he is suffering from depression if you do he will fight you on going to Health services. Instead tell him to go to health services for help with the moods swings as it just may be homesickness and they can give him medication to help with that. You're not lying to him as it just may be homesickness.
It does not matter how old he is; many students regardless of how old they are get homesick when they go off to University. One of the reasons the military keeps new recruits busy from morning to night is to ward off homesickness by not giving the recruits time to think about being homesick. Unfortunately schools do not have a way to mimic what the military does as what they offer as a way to keep busy is strictly voluntary.
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Long distance relationships are hard to be in.
Its like texting. Some things you just don't get into because its difficult to explain & be understood. I can't tell you how many arguments and hurt feelings I have had texting my husband. When we can't see someone or hear the way they are saying something, it can get taken the wrong way.
So, talking to someone long distance can be tough.
Then there is just everyday life. You both make friends with people the other doesn't know. After a while its easier to just not speak of those relationships. To much explaining to do.
Then there are the get together's and parties. College is a time for getting to know people. It could make someone feel guilty for having fun without their significant other.
Its not the best time to be separated. But it can be worked out if you do a lot of talking about things. Its kinda up to the both of you. If he isn't to far away maybe you need to get together for a face to face in person conversation.
You may also need to take into consideration the fact that it is really hard for some people to be away from home during the holidays. Throws a lot of people into depression. Maybe he is having some of that. A good in person talk is called for.
Best of luck.
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Well you should assume hes having a bad day! lol. Im if hes usually very open and honest with you and not afraid to share his feelings then it sounds like hes just stressed and ACTUALLY with you assuming things like this, it could be stressing him out MORE that now he thinks you guys are having problems when in reality it wasnt you at ALL. see?
try not to take his venting too personally he could just not be having as easy a time with school as he thought. maybe try to be supportive for a while and make it known that you support his choices and that its OK to vent his frustrations with you if he wants as long as hes not just misdirecting his anger at YOU personally by belittling or making you feel bad about yourself.
honestly it just sounds like hes stressing over school thats all. Give him some time. Maybe try asking him every single day "how was your day today??" and maybe mention some things you did too so there is a feeling that you care about his day to day life. (works with my now hubby of 14 years) ; )
good luck
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