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Been cheated on 6 times--is there something wrong with me?
21/f
Long story short. I have been cheated on a total of six times by six different guys. I have been telling myself that it's not my fault, it says something about them and not about me... But it has happened so often, it's starting to become harder for me to believe that.
Usually when people cheat, it's because they're not getting the physical or emotional needs met... I've been thinking about all of them and I've tried to reach all of those needs of my boyfriends. I've also always told them that I hate it when people cheat and if they were ever unhappy or upset with me, to talk to me about it--don't cheat on me. But yet, I still get cheated on and I feel betrayed.
I tried thinking about my childhood and my parents but there were no traces of cheating or trust issues in my family. Is it me? Am I the problem? Is that why I keep getting cheated on?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Abpsulotely not! Nothing is wrong with you. The people you dated are the ones that have something wrong with them. Nobody should cheat no matter what. All that matters is that you were yourself. Cheaters are bad, you arn't a cheater.
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In short, you are not the problem causing them to cheat. The problem lies in choice of guys. Often in life we have small lessons to learn to get past. So many are wrapped up in relationships. Its a fact in life that is someone keeps making the same mistake in lets say a test in school, it simply tells the teacher that you still aren't getting it. Somehow in your selection process, you have been unable to recognize the same signs in the next guy to avoid getting together with him totally. So you basically need to pay better attention.
I agree with you that usually when people cheat, it's because they're not getting the physical or emotional needs met. too often, it's not because their partner is doing anything wrong but with the wrong person, where they have no chemistry together. What people believe is chemistry often may just be that heightened sense of excitement at a new relationship called New Relationship energy and it can mimic the real thing good enough to fool the best of us. It wears off in a couple weeks or months though. I do want to point out, it isnt just about what you can do to please the guy it's what he does for you. If you come at it as just doing everything you know he wants just to keep him, thats no different than you doing exactly what your boss asks of you each day so you can keep your job and get a paycheck. Its a work with reward mentallity.
Yes, a relationship is work. Its different with worker/boss, one is higher in status than the other. In a relationship, thats bad. It will be out of balance. The two need to come at it as wanting to please their partner because they are in love with them, not because they want to hang on to them. The hanging in there, is something a person should want to do because they love in return and know they won't find anyone more perfect for them else where. You are young yet and just starting to learn. A big part of the problem is young boys who have no clue how to go about having a healthy relationships, the do's and don'ts or plain old just don't care. Lots of it has to do with age. The brain isn't done growing until mid 20's. Give em until then and you'll begin to find more mature guys.
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Hi doll!
Is it them and not you? Yes!
But also,are you seeing the same type of guy with the same characteristics?
While the guys may have been different,they may be the same type,same characteristics.
Sometimes,its easy to fall into,and when we get caught up in liking someone we don't always catch it right away.
Men in a relationship are sometimes afraid of a certain word. The ''C'' word,yes.
COMMITMENT
Men also,sometimes,like to play the field or just plain feel bored.
So,what type of man do you need?
One who is honest
One who respects you
One isnt afraid to commit
One who meets YOUR needs,you both need to fill each other's needs and wants
One who is understanding,and knows full well,if he were to ever cheat,ITS OVER!!
Love is a two-way street
It is not a give give give situation while he lays back and takes it all.
Because that is wrong,and un ethical
Date someone who you feel in your gut is right for you and dont jump into the water completely right away. If your gut tells you its wrong,and you should get out of it,you should.
Be blessed dear one!
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