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My boyfriend is so dense.
So here's the basics, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years, we are both in college and love and care for one another quite a bit. We've had ups and downs and always supported each other and of course to make it this far, we've worked hard.
So things drive me insane about him... He is so dense in his way of thinking. Now I'm stubborn and I will argue (whether I'm right or wrong) till I die, always have and always will. What frustrates me is that he can only see it his way and he has no life experience. I may be stubborn but I'm not blind. I just feel so frustrated with his one sided views. I've also been really frustrated with him lately. I feel like he's starting to take me for granted. I love him very much and cannot say I've been as grateful as I should be, but I feel like sometimes he forgets to call or text for a day and I get sad or he forgets big things in my life like how tests go or how my doctor appt went. I just feel sad that he can't remember things like that. If he ever asked me how something in specific went, I could die.
I guess I'm just wondering how to work on these issues because they weren't always deal breakers but as we grow they're becoming them.
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You say, “they weren't always deal breakers but as we grow they're becoming them." When I hear something like this my first thought is to ask why, what has changed to make them deal breakers? From what you have written he has always been this way as you say; "he has no life experience."
No one likes being taken for granted, that I understand. What happens when this comes to pass and it does in every relationship is that we become comfortable with one another to the point that they are like a comfortable slipper, robe or nightgown. These things give us comfort because they are there and they wrap us in a sense of security. So in one sense being taken for granted should be a bit of an honor that someone sees you as a form of security that you will always be there for them. It is not the way any of truly want to be see but in an abstract way it is a bit flattering.
You say you have always worked through problems together if so you should be able to work through this problem as well unless you are getting cold feet and looking for an escape route. The key to any relationship is good communication skills. You two must have those skills to stay together this long and work through other problems you have had. You need to use those skills to work through this problem.
A question just came to mind. Do you two attend the same college? If not is it possible that this problem is nothing more than a case of missing him and maybe just a bit a miss trust?
If you do go to the same college sit down with him and tell him how you feel when he fails to text you or follow up on an important event. Part of being a couple is teaching one another about their short comings. Sit him down and tell him how it makes you feel when he takes you for granted like this. Use a preverbal 2x4 if need be but make him understand.
If you’re at separate colleges you can either wait until you are home together, say at Thanksgiving, or you can call him if you want and talk to him. What I would think is best if you can't wait for Thanksgiving is to sit down and write him a letter. A letter is different than a text message as it has a different impact. It is more thought full then a text or at least it should be.
Most important before you do any of the above; Sit down and think about why you are suddenly feeling as you do. For as I see it; from what you have written you are the one that has changed not him. Make sure you know why your feelings have changed before you speak to him about this.
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