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I need some one to give me advice about my life.
My life is a living hell always says always will be. When i was 4 or 5 my sister took me into a room and offered me candy to say that my dad had 'touched me' which he did not. Being the five year old i was i did it, and that was the start of it all. My dad went to jail and at the time i did not know what i did. The only thing i wanted was to give my daddy a hug. I waited in the same spot for a week waiting him to come back, then i realized he was not coming back.
I was about 13 when these one words triggered me 'everything that ever happened in your life was all your fault' my sister said to me. those little words made me feel terrible about myself. Because i thought it was all my fault. After that every time i would make a mistake i would start crying because i thought i messed everything up.
One time when me and my sister where sitting on the couch i saw a bug and i started to freak out. She told me to kill it but i couldn't i was too scared then when she went to get a shoe she came back and it was gone. She started screaming and yelling at me "Do you know how much of a f*ck up you are, I wish you where never born"
I started crying and shaking and i couldn't breath, but she just kept yelling at me, I went to get up and i started getting blurry vision. I stumbled into my room and started crying even more.
I cant leave mt sister because she lives with her dad and i live with my mom and we live together because my mom can afford her own place.
I guess the question I'm trying to ask is how can i get over my fear of making mistakes. I'm 15 now and this has been happening straight for the past two years. Its taken over my life and i need help. I need to get over this fear.
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Umm blame who is guilty YOUR SISTER!!!! Don't feel sorry for her what she did is fucked up! I'd be like kicking her out of your head, heart, and sorry but life. She's causing you to be in trouble and she is making your life hell. She wants to make you look like the terrible person that she is so she will be the perfect angel. For the fact I was raped and molested most of my child hood. She is just as bad as a pedophile. Like why would she be thinking that way about you and make you do a horrific act unless she made you speak up when it was her it was being done to. Maybe so or not your dad. Another man could've. But if you feel sorry for her and shrivel up at her voice and do what she asks your being mentally and verbally abused. She is not going to change its going to get worse. And honestly she's prob the one who wishes she wasn't born because she realizes she is a nasty monster. And wants to put it on you so she don't have to get the blame and she'll eventually start to believe her own lies. And convince you too. Get away for real she is going to kill you inside. And you think it's hell now wait til she flips and does a waay bigger problem. I'm serious you staying any longer is going to set your life span and prob lead to suicide. Mental abuse can do that just stay strong and believe your story don't let her change it in your head. Sorry if I'm harsh but my mom convinced me or did at first that she was tickling me when actually it was her boyfriend trying to touch me down there. And I had to go back remember over And over but actually she was asleep snoring away. And to beat all he was the third of her men that did stuff like that. And on my 18th b day. Stand up for yourself and remember your facts not hers.
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What you need is psychological counseling to help you deal with this. If you cannot talk with your mom about getting this type of help then I suggest you talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal. They will know who to call to get you this type of help. Your sister is the one responsible for all this and she is mentally abusing you and has been. She too needs psychologically counseling to find out why she is doing this and getting her to stop.
If your dad is still in prison; you also need help in recanting what you said and hopefully getting him out of jail. Your therapist would be a good person to ask for help with this.
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