I'm 100% honest and have been through hell twice and back and fourth just like being passed between my parents. I'm married two dogs that are my kids. I'm open and don't care to tell my story and if it were into books it would be longer than the twilight saga. I'm bipolar, depressed, ADHD, suicidal but fighting it everyday, and I'm never happy. Honestly I'm a wreck but I love helping people. I have tons of cracks in my heart but I'm good at healing others. I talk a lot and I'm very open and have no shame in what I've been through. I've been raped, molested by three men, fighting one that's in prison for it, healing family relationships, and trying everyday every minute to not hurt myself. My husband and me got together on the night I tried to OD on sleep meds. He saved me from myself. I love him with everything in me but my depression and cravings to self harm never end. And lastly I was heavenly on marijuana which is addicting. I started at 12 to 21 I'm 22 now and proud of my changes. Sorry like I said I let everything in the open.
Gender: Female
Location: WV
Occupation: housewife
Age: 22
Member Since: September 22, 2014
Answers: 10
Last Update: September 25, 2014
Visitors: 2386
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My life is a living hell always says always will be. When i was 4 or 5 my sister took me into a room and offered me candy to say that my dad had 'touched me' which he did not. Being the five year old i was i did it, and that was the start of it all. My dad went to jail and at the time i did not know what i did. The only thing i wanted was to give my daddy a hug. I waited in the same spot for a week waiting him to come back, then i realized he was not coming back.
I was about 13 when these one words triggered me 'everything that ever happened in your life was all your fault' my sister said to me. those little words made me feel terrible about myself. Because i thought it was all my fault. After that every time i would make a mistake i would start crying because i thought i messed everything up.
One time when me and my sister where sitting on the couch i saw a bug and i started to freak out. She told me to kill it but i couldn't i was too scared then when she went to get a shoe she came back and it was gone. She started screaming and yelling at me "Do you know how much of a f*ck up you are, I wish you where never born"
I started crying and shaking and i couldn't breath, but she just kept yelling at me, I went to get up and i started getting blurry vision. I stumbled into my room and started crying even more.
I cant leave mt sister because she lives with her dad and i live with my mom and we live together because my mom can afford her own place.
I guess the question I'm trying to ask is how can i get over my fear of making mistakes. I'm 15 now and this has been happening straight for the past two years. Its taken over my life and i need help. I need to get over this fear. (link)
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Umm blame who is guilty YOUR SISTER!!!! Don't feel sorry for her what she did is fucked up! I'd be like kicking her out of your head, heart, and sorry but life. She's causing you to be in trouble and she is making your life hell. She wants to make you look like the terrible person that she is so she will be the perfect angel. For the fact I was raped and molested most of my child hood. She is just as bad as a pedophile. Like why would she be thinking that way about you and make you do a horrific act unless she made you speak up when it was her it was being done to. Maybe so or not your dad. Another man could've. But if you feel sorry for her and shrivel up at her voice and do what she asks your being mentally and verbally abused. She is not going to change its going to get worse. And honestly she's prob the one who wishes she wasn't born because she realizes she is a nasty monster. And wants to put it on you so she don't have to get the blame and she'll eventually start to believe her own lies. And convince you too. Get away for real she is going to kill you inside. And you think it's hell now wait til she flips and does a waay bigger problem. I'm serious you staying any longer is going to set your life span and prob lead to suicide. Mental abuse can do that just stay strong and believe your story don't let her change it in your head. Sorry if I'm harsh but my mom convinced me or did at first that she was tickling me when actually it was her boyfriend trying to touch me down there. And I had to go back remember over And over but actually she was asleep snoring away. And to beat all he was the third of her men that did stuff like that. And on my 18th b day. Stand up for yourself and remember your facts not hers.
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First off, I'd like to say that I know nobody here is a doctor. I'm not looking for a diagnosis, I'm just looking for opinions, maybe somebody here has experienced this.
Also, do not just tell me to see a doctor, that's too pricey for me at the moment without medical insurance.
This may be long because of backstory I feel like I should add but may not be needed.
Alright so, last week I was convinced I got external hemorrhoids. I had pain when I pooped, some blood, and a decent sized bump on my anus after straining during a large poop that was in no way coming out naturally.
Now the thing is, I've always had large poops and slight constipation growing up. There has always been pain because of these large poops and the pain caused me to go a couple weeks 'holding it in' when I was about 8 because I was just so scared of it. My family has never eaten a particularly healthy diet and it doesn't help that the only veggies I can stomach are potatoes and corn. (I'm currently trying to fix the constipating and large/hard poops by drinking more water, eating some more foods high in fiber and taking fiber powers packets or stir in water.
I always strain when I poop because I'm always slightly constipated, and I poop every few days rather than everyday.
For the passed few weeks I noticed a slight bump on my anus when I would wipe after pooping, it didn't hurt or itch. I ignored it - probably in denial of possible hemorrhoids. It wasn't until last week after that particularly large poop that the cut really grew in size and convinced me I had hemorrhoids. Immediately I looked up home treatments and I now have some TUCKS products coming in the mail to help.
Now just a few minutes ago, my 'hemorrhoid' was really itchy. I tried ignoring it, not wanting to irritate it. Eventually it got so bad that I lost self control to I went to the bathroom to gently wipe with babywipes to relieve some itching (it worked). I noticed there wasn't a bump. None. But my anus itches and when I shifted a certain way on the toilet there was a sharp pain on my anus for not even a second and it went away.
Now I'm wondering, do I have hemorrhoids or just a cut on my anus?
From what I understood while reading about hemorrhoids, the bump stayed. It could be removed with surgery or pain could be relieved by applying the appropriate products on it. Or am I wrong?
I'm not entirely sure, which is why I seek some opinions from people who may have experienced this or just know more about it than I do.
Also, I didn't get a REALLY good feel of the bump when I was convinced I had hemorrhoids because, honestly, I was a little too grossed out to attempt to touch it. But from what I could tell by wiping with baby wipes, it was a fairly soft bump. Due to it's size in width, I threw out the idea of it being a pimply because I had had a pimple near my anus once before and it was just different.
I've also tried to look in the mirror but it's just not happening. I can't bend right for that. (link)
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You do have hemoroids. But you've got to know that straining will make them worse sitting on the toilet too long does too. And they shrink when your not sitting a certain way like on the toilet. If you got them I'm sorry but they don't go away. They shrink and come back. And they do bleed because not to be gross but the poo and the undigested food in it can cut it and that's why it bleeds. Take laxatives or prune juice and stool softers to make it easier. And hot baths espessially if you put Epsom salt in it to help them shrink and heal the best they can. Try not eating a lot of starches like, bread, noodles, potatoes, and more water, fiber, fruits( not bananas they do constipate bad). Pop believe it or not don't help but worsen. Good luck!
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Hello forum,
I always lock the closet door, when I leave the room where I live. One day I locked the door and then when I came back the closet door was wide open. How can I find out if someone opened this closet door? like tape or paper, or hairs? thanks (link)
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Pour flour down and look for footsteps or smears.
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My fiancé and I are planning on moving in together so, that's plan A. My grandparents say that I need a backup plan in case things don't work out, like if we break up, where would I go? What should I/we do. (link)
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I would put/save back money that is enough for like a down payment for an apt. You can keep it in the bank but make sure its enough for the prices in your area. But when you tell him (if you want to) let him know its not because of your feelings about the length you think it will last but In case of any type of emergency.
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i am a 24 y.o doctor, in some south east asia country (just a clue that we in the east regard our parents and ancestors highly, and i think families are closer and the tend to interfere more, and in the east any physical contact with another gender is not usual, even kissing before marriage or hugging in public is considered a taboo).
okay here's the problem, since more thatn a year ago (14 months ago) i have a huge crush on this girl, she is 9 years younger than me, that makes her 15 y.o. and no, i'm not a paedophile. i met her in my church youth community, and i was immediately captivated by her, she is a cheerful, maturely-thinking, and positive girl. she laughs at my jokes, easy to talk casually to anyone, and she's not the type of girl who thinks about preserving a good image, she just always be herself, that's why i like her very much (i like her before i know of her age)
i am myself a straight forward guy, and i did tell her about my feelings to her just after we know each other about 3 weeks, and of course i told her that im not a paedophile. she said she didnt have any special feelings for me, then i said it's okay, i will wait. and then we keep on contacting each other casually, i can see that she's doing her best not to hurt me, so i trty my best to love her without hoping for anything in return
it seemed that after about 7-8 months going like that, she told me that she loved me back, but i have to go to a rural area to work, so we just contact each other by messaging.it's fine for us, it's enough for now, i never hoped for a kind of physical relationship. i mean i got through one where i can kiss my gf,hug her, and it appeared that it was not what i was searching for.
here's the problem, i finally managed to get her to love me back, and our relationship is a quite positive one, i often help her with her school problems that she cant understand, we keep on reminding each other to pray before we go to bed, etc. and as i get to know her better, i like her even more, she might be the one i was looking for. i know i wont be marrying her before she finished her university (we agreed that i will become a specialist and she will finish her study first before we got married, and it was her who start the conversation about thi, so i guess she is kinda mature) . but the thing is her parents are VERY VERY PROTECTIVE. they never let her near any guy, dating is a big NO. she told me that even her sister who is 18 y.o and just finished her highschool is forbidden to have a boyfriend. and when she did (1month ago her sister got a boyfriend) her mom and dad scolded her sister and told her to break up. and while scolding her sister, she was also threatened that if they found out that she date anyone in highschool, she will be moved immediately to her parents' hometown (on another island) . i asked her if she thinks i can go and talk to her parents and ask for permission, but she said it will be a suicide mission and it will affect not only our relationship but also it will give her a big problem. so i didnt do it.
and now i'm back at town for some seminars, we can only meet each other by going out together with her frends.
not only her family, my parents always tell me to look for a success pair, a doctor too if possible. and maybe they wont regard her hghly because she's still young and have no degree yet.
our love grows each day, even if we cant see each other. it's enough for now, but now i am burdened everyday thinking how i long to have a relationship in which i can know her family further, and she can know my family too. i want to have a relationship that is blessed by our parents, and we always remind each other to pray for each of us and our parents to someday understand us (i said it already about how we regard our family and parents highly). i dont like to sneak behind our parents' back, but seeing her parents attitude i'm toubled. any advice about what i shpuld do? (link)
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Yes stop move the freak away. When you will be thirty she'll be barley legal. Your messed up dude she got her period two years ago! And yes if you'd get caught you will become a registered sex offender but hey maybe if she turns 18 you'll lose dwellings and fall for a 10 yr old. Get help and stop church cause yea with your thoughts your trip to hell is going to be fascinating. I'm harsh because I've been taken advantage of want to know the difference he was 26 when I was13 yea gross huh? Good luck pervert!
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My mother was diagnosed with depression,bipolar,diabetes,high blood pressure,anxiety,some memory loss,degenerating disc in her back and a whole lot more.
Theres only me and my 22 year old sister to take care of her (dad left when I was 18).But the problem is Mother is a very bad mental abuser and some what physical only to me.
My mother was one of those parents that hovered over their children during their whole life.I'm 20 now and I'm basically stuck with her.
I have a very bad case of social anxiety,because when I started school I was pulled out of normal classes and put in "special classes".which at the time the school never had any little kids with a reading/learning comprehension problem.They only had teens and I was at the time 4 years old.Then to add to the problem my mother was always there and,I was very very shy.So she'd be like the parent of the class and bring stuff and,kids only liked me because of my mom.
Now I never noticed this was wrong until I got older.I had finally convinced my mom to stop when I hit middle school,but then I just couldn't make friends.My mom scared the crap out of me to never do anything "bad" at school,so I avoided the problem kids.I tried to make friends but the awkwardness would always be there,because I didn't know how to act or what to say.
At home my mother and father fought a lot and,then in my teens mom started the mental abuse.She'd say stuff to get me down and self conscious about my self (I am fat).When I was 17 and I started yelling back at her,because I was tired of it she'd just start hitting me.But then the next day or so she'd say she was sorry and never meant it,but say it was kind of my fault for "butting heads" with her.
My sister is the "favorite" child,she can never do wrong.She gets anything she asks for,even when we can't afford it.She will stay out of fights,unless mom drags her in.Then she will only take moms side no matter what.My dad was overseas alot,but when home never paid any attention to us.
When our dad left he took everything of value and,then left us in a hotel.My mother has gotten worse with the mental abuse and,always blaming me for everything that goes wrong.
I'm kind of stuck you see,I have no friends to turn to or family.My mother never wanted me to have a job,because she didn't want us to end up like she did.She had to work 2 jobs while she had us and,dad was in the navy overseas.Her childhood she had to work early to support her family cause they were poor.
I do have a part time job as of age 19,because mom changed her mind and started screaming at me to get a job.But my job pays very little and,I work all day.Its hard to find a job in Florida without a college degree.I wanted a job when I was 16,but mom kept me from having one with threats of kicking me out.I was scared to be alone since I always had someone from the family with me.Mother would always follow through with her threats too.
Now where to the point where shes kicking me out as of August 1st.She plans to take my sister and her self to grandma's,she said i'm not allowed to come.I know she will lie to grandma and say its all my fault.
I'm scared of being alone with no where to go.I know I will lose everything I have once I'm out of the hotel.The only person I can think of turning to is my dad,but he remarried and has a child there.He never calls us or anything,so I don't know if I could go to him.
My social problem thing is big,I just have this fear of talk talking to strangers.Like I can't just go up to a Wendys register and order a hamburger,it takes me time to build up the courage to do it.I mean I want to but my mind starts racing and,I think like what if what I order too much.Then that person thinks badly of me.Like they may think "no wonder shes so fat".I can't even do that at walmart,you know just go buy something and pay for it.
It takes me time to get to that register and just buy it.I think my boss might of felt sorry for me,thats why I got the job.I can't keep eye contact with people very long,i have to like force myself to do it.
Any advice on how to handle my mother and get rid of this fear?Also where should I go?I barely make $150 a week at my job.
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You have my life for real everything is the same with my mother. My dad was in the air force. My mom has every single problem but add obesity. I know how it is how hard it is on you. I cut and wantef to die. and all her boyfriends/ husband. Except from my father raped and molested me. But I took it plus took care of her. And also got beat mentally and physically. I know how bad this is and you need to get out. As soon as you can. I left and moved in with who is my husband today. That was the best thing for me and her. Y'all need space or she'll kill your soul make anything your fault. And blame her problems on you. But when you get space and she realizes how much you take on, she will learn about herself and get better. If you are littarally doing everything for her, which I did even wiping and all then that's why she isn't getting better but the opposite. You can't spend your life like that. Because it will make you what I was a slave. I'm saying this to truly help you because I let it get me. I want to die every day for how her choices scared me. I didn't know any thing but trying to please her to save her and to take care of her. My mom lied and said I hit her and I swear I didn't. I curled up and would have panic attacks when she'd kick and beat me to the ground. It hurt me never made me angry at anybody but myself. And it gets that way you feel guilty for everything. I'm sorry this is so long but I've never been able to heal and never will. I want to save you before it gets your heart and mind. You have options like get her a care taker or if she's not got it yet get her on SSI and welfare. It takes care of anything and everything. Med card for SSI will pay for a caretaker. And if you have another family member or even a friend stay a week there. Time away changes it all I am so serious. I hope I helped and I hope you update me lol. Good luck PRAYERS 2 U!
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I found disturbing porn on my bf's laptop, what should I do about it?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a whole now Recently I was using his computer and was trying to remember the name of the website he always uses he wasn't answering his phone so I decided to check the history I found it along with some disturbing porn. I found all types of porn he is 25, SO I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM VIEWING. I'm just saying that because many people may think I was mad that he did that, I'm not. Infact, he hasn't looked at barely any porn since we got together. What disturbed me was the nature of the content. Such as women in chains getting beaten badly then effed. And more disturbingly incest porn like brothers and sister doing various things So much disturbing material. I have to wonder if he'll ever be satisfied with what is considered normal sexual behavior and normal looking women that don't have fake breasts, etc. I find what he viewed werid and I don't know how to mention it to him or what to do about it please help :( (link)
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Omg yes my husband watches incest porn, rape, and loves anime porn. At first I was reading and went to look at answers hoping to find an answer to help me to. Yeah I don't like the answers none! They just say oh its fine if he isn't watching it now Bull! My husband knows tricks. You got to think its pretty easy to clear certain history on any site like YouTube Google search and more. I'm not saying don't trust him I'm saying look for signs. See when I found out my husband watches incest I brought it up ASAP! And guess what came out he had sex with his stepsister. Yeah and she won't admit it and feels the need to make fun about it like :( yeah you know he still believes we had sex haha) every single time I see her. So yeah you never know what can come out.
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hi people!
im a 19 year old girl & ive only tried anal once. from that experience im terrified to do it again.
when i did it the first time i got a hemorrhoid, disgusting yes i know! & also he cummed in my butt & when he pulled out it made a couple farting sounds but i dont think i farted? im not sure but it was embarrassing & i dont ever want that to happen again!
any suggestions or comments? thanks!
also any suggestions on how to clean your butt out before anal? because you poop there lol, i dont want anything coming out or smelling, sorry i know this sounds very out there! i just need some help!
thanks in advance and sorry about how weird this sounds haha!:) (link)
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I get you I went through the same thing. I got hemoroids and I even bled. My husband still wants it and he knows what happens. And not to sound like a bitch but if he wants a hole that is full of shit. And the fact that any man would want to put his penis in a place that has waste bile. Yeah its not going to smell like roses or anything good smelling. And personally I feel that any man including my husband that wants that so bad should get a man because if that's really what they want let em get it lol. Don't be embarrassed or feel bad. Because you went through pain and he forgot its a poop shoot not a bleached asshole like celebs. And if you do do it again god bless you, use a condom no matter the hole because experienced men are not as smart and don't get tested. My husband had sex with a prostitute before me and his mom made him get tested. I'm just saying be safe and if he has an excuse for anything when it comes to your saftey. He ain't long term. Hope it helps lol!
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Can you get pregnant from giving a man a blow-job? (link)
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No you cannot. Only if you have sex and he cums in your vagina. If you do don't let him tell you condoms don't feel as good. He will be lying to you. Also don't have anal. Bad things happen. It stinks hurts and personally if he wants yo butt he is gay!
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I dont wanna hear about how selfish i am, or how I shouldnt do this bla bla. I dont want to be here anymore. I'm not going anywhere. I have no future. I have been depressed for years. Ive tried everything. The little family that I have hates me, I've been bullied my whole life, I was diagnosed with psychosis a year ago. I'm homeless now. I don't want to be here anymore. I feel like a burden and it would be easier for everyone if I died. Sometimes I wish I could just die in a fast car accident (link)
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I'm going through every thought you have. Except I've wanted to leave my husband go to a shelter and planned my death. Mime and his family act like they don't give a shit. All I can say is keep fighting. Don't kill yourself because you never know what could happen. If you tried to jump in front of a car you could live and be paralized. I've tried and tried but no results the last time I took a ton of sleep meds then alcohol and that night I met the man who is my husband today. All I'm saying is you never know what or who's waiting for you in the future keep your head up and your heart beating. Your angel or good luck is right around the corner. You've just got to go through a whole lot to get it. Or as I see it I guess I've earned it almost like I passed a test. Those thoughts won't go away you just have to fight until you get meaning to your life and love yourself. Your reward is just a little late. I hope I helped you.
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