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Finding a place& getting rid of this fear
My mother was diagnosed with depression,bipolar,diabetes,high blood pressure,anxiety,some memory loss,degenerating disc in her back and a whole lot more.
Theres only me and my 22 year old sister to take care of her (dad left when I was 18).But the problem is Mother is a very bad mental abuser and some what physical only to me.
My mother was one of those parents that hovered over their children during their whole life.I'm 20 now and I'm basically stuck with her.
I have a very bad case of social anxiety,because when I started school I was pulled out of normal classes and put in "special classes".which at the time the school never had any little kids with a reading/learning comprehension problem.They only had teens and I was at the time 4 years old.Then to add to the problem my mother was always there and,I was very very shy.So she'd be like the parent of the class and bring stuff and,kids only liked me because of my mom.
Now I never noticed this was wrong until I got older.I had finally convinced my mom to stop when I hit middle school,but then I just couldn't make friends.My mom scared the crap out of me to never do anything "bad" at school,so I avoided the problem kids.I tried to make friends but the awkwardness would always be there,because I didn't know how to act or what to say.
At home my mother and father fought a lot and,then in my teens mom started the mental abuse.She'd say stuff to get me down and self conscious about my self (I am fat).When I was 17 and I started yelling back at her,because I was tired of it she'd just start hitting me.But then the next day or so she'd say she was sorry and never meant it,but say it was kind of my fault for "butting heads" with her.
My sister is the "favorite" child,she can never do wrong.She gets anything she asks for,even when we can't afford it.She will stay out of fights,unless mom drags her in.Then she will only take moms side no matter what.My dad was overseas alot,but when home never paid any attention to us.
When our dad left he took everything of value and,then left us in a hotel.My mother has gotten worse with the mental abuse and,always blaming me for everything that goes wrong.
I'm kind of stuck you see,I have no friends to turn to or family.My mother never wanted me to have a job,because she didn't want us to end up like she did.She had to work 2 jobs while she had us and,dad was in the navy overseas.Her childhood she had to work early to support her family cause they were poor.
I do have a part time job as of age 19,because mom changed her mind and started screaming at me to get a job.But my job pays very little and,I work all day.Its hard to find a job in Florida without a college degree.I wanted a job when I was 16,but mom kept me from having one with threats of kicking me out.I was scared to be alone since I always had someone from the family with me.Mother would always follow through with her threats too.
Now where to the point where shes kicking me out as of August 1st.She plans to take my sister and her self to grandma's,she said i'm not allowed to come.I know she will lie to grandma and say its all my fault.
I'm scared of being alone with no where to go.I know I will lose everything I have once I'm out of the hotel.The only person I can think of turning to is my dad,but he remarried and has a child there.He never calls us or anything,so I don't know if I could go to him.
My social problem thing is big,I just have this fear of talk talking to strangers.Like I can't just go up to a Wendys register and order a hamburger,it takes me time to build up the courage to do it.I mean I want to but my mind starts racing and,I think like what if what I order too much.Then that person thinks badly of me.Like they may think "no wonder shes so fat".I can't even do that at walmart,you know just go buy something and pay for it.
It takes me time to get to that register and just buy it.I think my boss might of felt sorry for me,thats why I got the job.I can't keep eye contact with people very long,i have to like force myself to do it.
Any advice on how to handle my mother and get rid of this fear?Also where should I go?I barely make $150 a week at my job.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You have my life for real everything is the same with my mother. My dad was in the air force. My mom has every single problem but add obesity. I know how it is how hard it is on you. I cut and wantef to die. and all her boyfriends/ husband. Except from my father raped and molested me. But I took it plus took care of her. And also got beat mentally and physically. I know how bad this is and you need to get out. As soon as you can. I left and moved in with who is my husband today. That was the best thing for me and her. Y'all need space or she'll kill your soul make anything your fault. And blame her problems on you. But when you get space and she realizes how much you take on, she will learn about herself and get better. If you are littarally doing everything for her, which I did even wiping and all then that's why she isn't getting better but the opposite. You can't spend your life like that. Because it will make you what I was a slave. I'm saying this to truly help you because I let it get me. I want to die every day for how her choices scared me. I didn't know any thing but trying to please her to save her and to take care of her. My mom lied and said I hit her and I swear I didn't. I curled up and would have panic attacks when she'd kick and beat me to the ground. It hurt me never made me angry at anybody but myself. And it gets that way you feel guilty for everything. I'm sorry this is so long but I've never been able to heal and never will. I want to save you before it gets your heart and mind. You have options like get her a care taker or if she's not got it yet get her on SSI and welfare. It takes care of anything and everything. Med card for SSI will pay for a caretaker. And if you have another family member or even a friend stay a week there. Time away changes it all I am so serious. I hope I helped and I hope you update me lol. Good luck PRAYERS 2 U!
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The fact that she is kicking you out (of a hotel?) is a good thing. You don't even have a real home, and You do not need to be around her any longer or your life will continue to spiral downward.
There is great chance to becoming as emotionally and mentally messed up as her because thats all you see 24/7. And some of what you shared had me believing that your sister and you in your own different ways are already disfunctional because of having grown up with her. Now that you're an adult, you need to get away from her. Thats easier said than done.
You have been the victim of verbal and physical abuse from her. Victims of such treatment often lose any self confidence. So whatever you are battling could be a combo of that with a social anxiety disorder. But both situations and more that you've gone through with mom, are all things
needing intervention from a mental health professional.
If Obama care is free, get on it for yourself and see a doctor to get recommended to begin seeing a specialist, a mental health counselor for the issues you are dealing with.
As for advice on agencies to get immediate shelter, I am hoping other advicegivers have some actual agencies they can provide you with to contact regarding your welfare, food and shelter and such. You can start with looking for the Department of Social and Health services in your area. Food stamps are easy to get on especially if your income is low. As for shelter, I do not know. If you don't have girlfriends you can ask to stay with, or any mentally healthy aunts or uncles or cousins you can ask to stay with, then perhaps the local church may have some idea?
I do have a way I got over extreme shyness...not sure it was an actual anxiety disorder but I can share that with you, the recipe of steps to getting over it. If not interested, don't read on.
Otherwise, here it is:
I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.
It took until I was about 16 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you some. Its no substitute for professional help though so if this doesnt work for you or help, go see a mental health professional.
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