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dating with far younger gf and overprotective parents in eastern country
i am a 24 y.o doctor, in some south east asia country (just a clue that we in the east regard our parents and ancestors highly, and i think families are closer and the tend to interfere more, and in the east any physical contact with another gender is not usual, even kissing before marriage or hugging in public is considered a taboo).
okay here's the problem, since more thatn a year ago (14 months ago) i have a huge crush on this girl, she is 9 years younger than me, that makes her 15 y.o. and no, i'm not a paedophile. i met her in my church youth community, and i was immediately captivated by her, she is a cheerful, maturely-thinking, and positive girl. she laughs at my jokes, easy to talk casually to anyone, and she's not the type of girl who thinks about preserving a good image, she just always be herself, that's why i like her very much (i like her before i know of her age)
i am myself a straight forward guy, and i did tell her about my feelings to her just after we know each other about 3 weeks, and of course i told her that im not a paedophile. she said she didnt have any special feelings for me, then i said it's okay, i will wait. and then we keep on contacting each other casually, i can see that she's doing her best not to hurt me, so i trty my best to love her without hoping for anything in return
it seemed that after about 7-8 months going like that, she told me that she loved me back, but i have to go to a rural area to work, so we just contact each other by messaging.it's fine for us, it's enough for now, i never hoped for a kind of physical relationship. i mean i got through one where i can kiss my gf,hug her, and it appeared that it was not what i was searching for.
here's the problem, i finally managed to get her to love me back, and our relationship is a quite positive one, i often help her with her school problems that she cant understand, we keep on reminding each other to pray before we go to bed, etc. and as i get to know her better, i like her even more, she might be the one i was looking for. i know i wont be marrying her before she finished her university (we agreed that i will become a specialist and she will finish her study first before we got married, and it was her who start the conversation about thi, so i guess she is kinda mature) . but the thing is her parents are VERY VERY PROTECTIVE. they never let her near any guy, dating is a big NO. she told me that even her sister who is 18 y.o and just finished her highschool is forbidden to have a boyfriend. and when she did (1month ago her sister got a boyfriend) her mom and dad scolded her sister and told her to break up. and while scolding her sister, she was also threatened that if they found out that she date anyone in highschool, she will be moved immediately to her parents' hometown (on another island) . i asked her if she thinks i can go and talk to her parents and ask for permission, but she said it will be a suicide mission and it will affect not only our relationship but also it will give her a big problem. so i didnt do it.
and now i'm back at town for some seminars, we can only meet each other by going out together with her frends.
not only her family, my parents always tell me to look for a success pair, a doctor too if possible. and maybe they wont regard her hghly because she's still young and have no degree yet.
our love grows each day, even if we cant see each other. it's enough for now, but now i am burdened everyday thinking how i long to have a relationship in which i can know her family further, and she can know my family too. i want to have a relationship that is blessed by our parents, and we always remind each other to pray for each of us and our parents to someday understand us (i said it already about how we regard our family and parents highly). i dont like to sneak behind our parents' back, but seeing her parents attitude i'm toubled. any advice about what i shpuld do?
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Yes stop move the freak away. When you will be thirty she'll be barley legal. Your messed up dude she got her period two years ago! And yes if you'd get caught you will become a registered sex offender but hey maybe if she turns 18 you'll lose dwellings and fall for a 10 yr old. Get help and stop church cause yea with your thoughts your trip to hell is going to be fascinating. I'm harsh because I've been taken advantage of want to know the difference he was 26 when I was13 yea gross huh? Good luck pervert!
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I understand this isn't the advice you want to hear, but the truth is that, at 24, you shouldn't be carrying on with a 15 year old, no matter how mature she appears to be, or what culture you live in.
Her abject refusal to let her parents know about you is evidence that no matter how mature she may look or speak - she isn't. She is entirely dependent upon them. She is, in that sense, a child.
She is likely a child under the law, and she is probably still very much a child in her a great deal of her heart and mind.
It's understandable that you want her parents to know - because you don't want to be dating a child - you want an adult, open relationship with a woman. But if you tell her parents right now, when she is 15, you'd be endangering her, because she isn't an adult, capable of an open and equal relationship with you, she is their child and their dependent. Exposing her in this way could risk her education, her future, and perhaps even her physical safety.
You shouldn't be in this relationship at all - it isn't equitable, and it can't be. You have way, way more power to move in the world and make decisions than she does. No matter how respectful you try to be, your relationship will almost certainly wind up coercive.
But since you won't end it (and you should) at least respect her enough to not expose her to risk of abuse and shame at the hands of her family.
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