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Should i hate my mother?
First ignore my grammar. Im from Phil. 23 years old. Eldest of our family. Since the day my mom proved that their marriage with my father is not legal. She starts getting relationship out of so many guys on the internet like 6 of them. She is a teacher and i know its very unprofessional. But the worst scenario is my father works abroad and send us money monthly only. My dad knows all about it but keep it on his self even if it hurts him so bad. My dad never fails to support my siblings. But my mom did. I dont know where are all her salary gone. I dont live with them anymore because im together with my boyfriend. It bothers me everytime my sister will visit me and ask for money because she dont have any allowances anymore. My mom never gave my siblings any. I am pregnant now and im earning for my future family. I support the 3 of my siblings allowances but the more i support them the more my mom fails to take her responsibility. All our bills left unpaid at home. My sisters tuition fee at college left unpaid too. I dont know where are all her moneys are. My dad now sends the money directly to me because she never trusts my mom anymore. I spent the money to my siblings and could give them more than what my father sends me. It hurts to see my mom on this mid life crisis on her life because she never listens and she never admitted she is wrong, what should i do for her to listen? That everything is wrong. That whatever problem they had with my father they must not forget the responsibilities on their children. I dont want to stress myself but i cant help it. And im worried that it might affect my baby growing on my womb if my mom would continue her negligence. Im the eldest so all of this bothers me. I cant have a family of my own because i cant even find a family on our home :(
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You did say Dad now sends money to you. I assume this is money for the care of siblings who are not adults yet, not 18. And yes his money sent home should have gone to take care of children and bills. You may never know where the money went but thats in the past. Mom may have given birth to you all but whether she chooses to be a good mother or a good wife is entirely her choices to make and just because a person is an adult does not mean that they make good choices. Sometimes a person can be an adult in age but extremely childish and selfish.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to get her to listen to any solid advice from you or anyone else, even a counselor, because change doesn't come from the outside, only from a will to change on the inside.
Now as for your situation, Your stress can be transferred to baby and what you end up with is a baby who is fussy, never content even if there is nothing wrong cus it has learned to pick up on your stress and that is all it knows if you were stresses all 9 months, not just a one time deal like a week. You can't place blame on mom as harming your baby because she isn't, it is a secondary indirect event. In your life, stress can come from many other sources, even if you had the worlds most perfect mom. It is for you to find ways to deal internally with the stress.
Your last sentence makes no sense to me. You can't have a family? You mean of your own? Yes you can and you are cus you are pregnant with your first child. If you mean siblings, you will still have siblings, no matter what mom does,unless they are all dead, they are still your family.If dead they WERE your family
So again you did not make sense. You can't find family in your home? Either people are living in mom's house or they aren't. You dont mention a husband. So I must assume you are living in moms house and so you are the one paying the house bills and giving money out to siblings...basically being the banker of the family. As long as mom is living there, she can continue to influence things negatively. If she isn't caring to stick with her marriage vows, then there's no reason why Dad can not divorce her and put the house in the name of any adult children to keep the family together without mom living there any longer. As long as she is on the title of the house and has say as to what happens with it, it's not a good position for you children. That I can see being stressful. Though becoming the home owner as adult children, You and any over 18 siblings would have control of the house too not just the money. I see no purpose actually for your mom to be there anymore. She isnt taking care of the kids, running of the house or finances, and she might have a marriage certificate but isnt acting as if married. Hopefully she doesnt bring all these boyfriends into the house...not a safe situation for any of your sisters. Have Dad look into getting a divorce from her and having her move out... so that she can't sabotage anything with the house... and have lawyers make sure the house goes into a child or a couple chidrens names to keep for the children until the youngest are adult and everyone has moved out. Then the house sale should be split between all the siblings.
If you have anything to add or clarify let me know, otherwise this is the best I can help with how I interpreted what you wrote.
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