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how do i initate sonmething serious
i have been single for almost two years not literally single but i haven't had any serious relationship, its either the guy likes me and i don't or i like him and his not ready, or he has a girlfriend... so i would call it two years of being single since my last relationship i work in a company were i was introduced to a guy. His exactly what i want in a guy. he acts really nice to me, for example when i needed a flash to get movies and i asked his colleague who had offered to give me a flash earlier and didn't latter, he offered his own without my asking, and told me that i could use it for as long as i like, whenever he comes to work he smiles at me and sometimes i catch him staring... i like this guy, but i don't know if he feels the same way, his currently out of the country and would be back next week, i recently found out that he is single.How do i initiate something that would lead to what i want, without seeming desperate. we not so much of friends, neither do we talk frequently and his a very busy person.
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It doesnt change much from middle school to our adult life, guys will still give off the same clues that they are attracted. One is the smiling alot at you, saying Hi, or finding any opportunity that seems natural to say something to you (which he did offering his flash)
Guys will also stare lots if they have no clue how to proceed. They will also look for reasons to get close to you, standing near, being near you in any way. And it would seem that there are still a few guys who hold back and do not do enough to get the ball rolling as far as checking out a girl any further.
At this level, you're at the very beginning, where there is attraction between two people, and I also call it surface level interest. This means that neither person knows yet if they are going to 'Like' the other person as well once they get beyond 'surface level'.
Sometimes we are confused and believe that a person likes us if they ask us to hang out with them or go on a date. We never think to clarify our actions. And that can make all the difference from it feeling awkward and wondering if the other person will expect too much, like "Are we dating? Is this a relationship? Are we a couple?
Dating is for the purpose of getting to know a person better, it doesnt mean you like them yet, you are in fact in the process of determining whether you actually do have enough in common and like their personality enough to want to spend more time with to get to know them even deeper. So then you agree to date, and once both develop feelings for each other, you become a couple and have a committed relationship. If you for example made yourself clear when approaching him that you are enjoying him as a co-worker and would like to hang out with him a bit to see if you have anything in common to at least become friends if nothing more, but more would be welcome. You dont know if you both will like each other beyond the work relationship but you;re open to trying. That way you are making it clear that you don't like him, you're just attracted and that you arent expecting feelings, dating and commitments right off the bat.
I understand about not wanting to appear desperate. A desperate woman is one who won't take no for an answer and keeps asking. She keeps placing herself in his path, calling him, offering him what ever he wants, even to the point of sex to get his attention. She will even follow him around uninvited, may even try to fight off other women who take an interest in him.
Asking someone out is not something that can be labeled 'desperate' just cus the female did the asking instead of the guy.
Something that all men find attractive in a woman is her having self confidence, knowing what she wants and not being afraid to ask for it or go after it.
You did say "He's exactly what I want in a guy." He may seem so but I know plenty people who act one way in school or at work and totally different when away. When in public, they are putting on an act, a false identity and it's when you hang with them 24/7 in different situations, day or night, to know what they are like when happy, sad, angry, stressed, upset, fearful, etc...and how that might affect you. It's in these times spent with them that you discover who a person is at core--meaning the ideals a person stands for, their beliefs, their hopes, dreams, what drives them, their personal passions, etc.
You need to know and discover all that to be able to determine if he is really 'exactly perfect for you'.
To know who is right for you, you need to understand yourself really well first. Not a list of your accomplishments, your schooling, and such but who you are at core for it will color everything you ever approach in life, try, and the outcomes, its going to influence what your passions are. To give you an idea, I am a 'nurturing' person and a 'Creative' person. Those two qualities are what touch other peoples lives, what I am passionate about and where my talents are. I would not be donating time on an advice column if I were not a nurturing type or creative in writing.
So dear, next make your list of what you need from a guy and what your wants are. For example, it is not wrong to spell out IN detail at the very beginning what you are looking for in a guy. Ask him what he would consider the ideal girlfriend for him to be. You are meeting as coworkers to see if you can become friends at least. friendship is an important need in long term relationship. The feelings develop if the chemistry is strong and the sexual part is something you have in common, same libido, fetishes if any, etc.
Lets say its very important to you to have your own kids one day. You wouldn't want to date for a year only to find out after falling for a guy that he is adamant about not ever having children cus he came from a large family of 8 kids and is sick and tired of kids always being around. I actually knew of someone like that in church.
So either he knows he is interested in having kids, once he finds the right gal but is not ready to have any for a couple years yet also, OR he is not interested. This you would list as a need. A need is something that is missing, is a deal breaker, you wont date him and risk falling in love with someone who had too many differences from you. I had a list like this I put on a dating site and thats how I found my 2nd husband. I can't say how many guys were attracted to me, evne tho not right for me, simply because I knew what I wanted and spelled it out at the start. If they were not willing to bend to meet my requirements, they knew I would not consider them. Some lied until we met face to face hoping I'd be hooked by then and willing to overlook their shortfalls. The lying was another thing I would not tolerate, especially not from a man meant to become my best friend. the wants, are the frosting on the cake, not necessary, not a deal breaker. Like my wishing for a guy with long hair. It wasn't necessary so I did not put this list on the dating web site. However, if its something you like, lets say you have a thing for hazel colored eyes and his happen to be that color, then make sure he knows it. Let him know how you love his eyes, that hazel is your favorite eye color, its so attractive to you.
You did say you want something serious, right? Thats why I am going into detail on so much more than you probably figured you needed to know just to take the next step of asking him out. You can of course ask him out without considering any of this, but that's like trying to drive in a soupy fog, you really have no idea where you're going, where you are sometimes, what is out there that you haven't seen yet, what dangerous things might lie hidden ahead. That to me describes a lot of relationships today, not knowing what the status of their interest level is, where is the relationship going, what things that might be undesirable lie hidden in him, waiting to come to the surface and surprise and maybe hurt you.
It is good to start at seeing if you can become friends as you said you currently are not friends, just friendly at work. Hope this helps explain some things. If you find him or another guy some day sounds promising, and you've been meeting as friends just share what your ideal partner would be, and thats the time to share your list in bits and pieces, it doesnt have to be all at once. aSK him to share more in detail about anything that you don't know yet if it fits your list of priorities. If a guy ever asks you why you have a list of things you need in a relationship and seem to be picky or anal about it, You simply say, I know what I want and am not afraid to ask for it and go after it. I won't settle for less, thats why I ask. If you can't handle that, then you're obviously not going to work out for me.
Good luck.
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He likes you as much as you like him. I would put all my poker chips on it. I have a feeling that he's just as interested and as shy and cautious as you are.
He already considers you a friend. That much is so with the smiling, loan of flash drive and going out of his way to be kind to you. That may just be his nature but usually more to it. If you have caught him starring that's a dead giveaway. He wouldn't do it if not interested.
What's a gal to do? I wouldn't stick your neck out there too much. I would put together a small gathering of friends be it at your house, bowling, movie whichever. Ask him to come. If he's interested he'll move mountains to attend. If he's not in to you watch for a bogus excuse.
Once there focus on him and if it goes well ask him if he would like to see a movie sometime in the next week. All he can do is say no and then you know for sure. All signs point to something positive happening.
If you are bold you can just ask him for coffee after work and see if you hit off. You need to know for piece of mind where you both stand or it will drive you nuts. Just make sure he's not the type (doesn't look like it) to cause an issue in the office working with you if he's not in to you. Doubt it's an issue based on what you have written.
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