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how do i get my respect back
This would be a bit long, but I need serious advice...I work in a good company with a guy I met I knew back in school, we hit it off real quick bcos we were attracted to each other, until he told me he had a girlfriend, but that the relationship was on the edge, she lives in a different state, and he said they have communication issues if he doesn't call, she doesn't call. He never told me if he was seriously committed to her. we went out on our first date and it was good and ended up kissing. After two days I thought about it and told him how I felt about him having a relationship and what he was doing with me, I told him that I don't want a situation where I want more and it doesn't work out... we talked about it and then we went on a second date, after the date we ended up making out we didn't have sex, when we finished he called his girlfriend and said "hush! I want to talk to the boo".. I felt so disrespected I was mad I wondered why he would do that right in front of me, so we ended up arguing and not talking to each other for weeks. After that we began talking again this time I stated that I cant hang out with him or do any shitty thing with him and I deserve better and I needed to move on. he would always bug me always wanting us to hang out. we fight every week especially on Fridays, its either he says something disrespectful, and when I react he gets angry and it becomes a quarrel we wont talk throughout the weekend till Monday when he comes to apologise.. This time around I had taken enough he was about leaving, and he begged me to walk him to his car I reluctantly agreed, while we were at the car we started talking normally and he kept bringing up the hanging out thing. I told him I didn't want to go out with him that I needed to move on, and that he has a girlfriend and nothing can come out of what ever we do, then he said well its true and that nothing can separate he and his girlfriend then he asked for my phone and he said that he wants to check my contacts to see if there were other men I could date.. I just took my phone and walked out.. then he sent me a message telling e how rude I was, I told him that he knows I have feelings and he capitalises on it so much on it and talks to me anyhow. I told him that I needed him to stay clear away from me. then he replied saying I should free him, I should never say hi to him or else he would embarrass me, he also said that if he ever comes back to beg me that he is not a man he said I had issues and he was tired of dealing with it. I replied "okay and thank you" its been 2weeks and we haven't talked, I bump into him almost everyday, in the kitchen when i'm there he talks about his girlfriend and how he loves her so much, how she is the only one he spends his money on. everytime i'm there it hurts me so much because I felt so cheap and so easy to get, I should never have hung out with him when he told me he had a girlfriend I should never have kissed or made out with him... what do I do I keep seeing him everyday and the pain worsens please I need an advice
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Right now, your attitude is this: I met a guy who seemed nice. He told me he had a girlfriend, but he said there were problems in the relationship. He seemed nice, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I started seeing him and he ended up treating me like shit.
That is what you tell yourself, right?
But there is something wrong with that version of the story: you seem to view yourself as a victim when you are not. You seem to think that this guy misused you, when in reality, you invited his poor treatment into your own life. This situation is no one's fault but your own. I do not say that to be harsh, I say that so that I can help you fix the situation.
You may not know this now, but as a woman, there are always going to be men that are attracted to you. In fact, most men will be attracted to you. These men will come in all shapes and sizes and with all kinds of unique baggage. It is your job as a woman to pick and choose from the men that are attracted to you. From what I understand, you have not been picking and choosing. You just said yes to the first guy that asked you out without thinking.
This is literally what he told you: I have a girlfriend. But you dated him anyway. And now you are upset that he says he loves her and will never leave her? That's not him being an asshole. It's you being an asshole. He told you he was in a relationship and you agreed to be the other woman. Now you are upset that you are not him main girl? He never offered you that position. He never said "Will you be my girlfriend?". He said, "will you see me even though I already have a girlfriend?". He never wanted to date you.
I'm guessing you thought you could manipulate him into leaving his girlfriend. But, I guess you can't. This doesn't make him jerk. If he left her for you, that would make him a jerk.
Your point of view is way off. You need to look at reality. Rather than blaming him for messing things up between you two, blame yourself for volunteering to be the third wheel. Learn from the situation and promise yourself that you will never be someone's fun on the side ever again. You deserve better.
Also, as a woman, you should be ashamed of yourself for causing another woman pain who has done nothing to you. His girlfriend has never hurt you. You have hurt her. You should never speak to him again, not because he is a jerk but because you should regret hurting another woman the way that you have.
The star of the Muppet Show,
Miss Piggy
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