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I work in a good company and recently, i found out that my ex boyfriend who I had a bad break up with sent his resume to the company as well, actually someone in the company who is also his friend brought the resume..He came for the interview and he practically got it, until i told the human resource manager that i couldn't work with him, so she spoke with the manager about it and they didn't give him the job. now i feel so bad that i caused it bcos he feels i had something to do with it, and also the friend, but i was trying to protect myself and avoiding any clash or past memories while seeing him... i don't know what to do.....
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You did the right thing. You advised Human Resources that you and their potential new hire had bad feelings between you. You as a known value are more valuable to an employer than a new hire would be. There probably were several choices for the position. By advising Human Resources of a potential conflict between you two you allowed them decide who was more valuable to them, you or the new hire and allowed them to avoid any conflicts that could arise and disrupt the workflow.
As for the ex he had to know where you worked if you held this job while you two were dating. If he did he had to know that there was a possibility you would object on grounds he would cause a disruption in the workplace for you. He had no guarantees in getting the job and if he was the one who caused the break between you then he had to expect this could happen.
I would not feel all that bad for him. If your company was willing to hire him; I'm sure there are other companies out there who will also offer him a position. You did the right thing in protecting your company and yourself from conflicts in the workplace. In doing so you also showed yourself how valuable you are to your employer.
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Do you believe you could have done something different? As adults sometimes we have to make snap decisions on the spot without any time to think things through as to all the possibilities of various consequences to any choice made. Sometimes we regret making a certain choice and know better after its done and over with that we should not have made that choice. The thing to keep in mind is exactly how bad you feel and resolve to do things differently next time you are confronted with being near someone you either don't like or have bad blood with. If this is an important lesson for you to learn, then fate will make sure you come across something similar. If this isn't related to a life lesson you need to learn, you may never have to face such a decision again.
I understand trying to protect yourself, but unless he was prone to mental or emotional abuse or sabotaging things you were doing, then likely at work place, there would have been nothing to protect yourself from. Without knowing if he's a violent man, I can't know if there would have been any clashes. Would he have jeopardized his new position by attacking you at work? Past memories...well you can have them pop up just about anywhere for any reason and you don't even need his physical presence for that to happen. You are the one who control your thoughts and memories internally so his being there may not have been the only thing to trigger it.
Here's another way to look at it. I understand being hurt and wanting time to heal. So, If he knew you well, then he knew where you worked. He could have avoided looking for work in the same company. Depending on the size of the company he may have seen you often. Either he did that deliberately to torture you more or he had no feelings for you what so ever , never did and therefore didnt even think or care about how it would affect you, cus he just wanted a good solid job with a good company and you were't even in the equation for him.
It doesnt matter what was going on in his mind, now after the fact. Just let it go. I can't say whether what you did for the right decision in case he was doing this on purpose, or if you were extra touchy and he was just wanting a good job.
It's probably best to let it go. Saying anything to him or anyone else at this point will just make things worse. Just resolve to give yourself enough time to go over any future decisions and all possible outcomes first and how you might feel about your decision after wards. then give it your best shot and at least you can feel assured that you didn't have a knee jerk reaction but honestly gave it some thought and made the best decision you knew how with the amount of information you had.
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