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Older guy has feeling for me
Im 24 I was in an life or death accident and a couple of guys saved my life. I'm have contact with one of them and recently called me. He says ever sense that day he has feelings for me. Except I know he is about 6 years old and not to mention he is married. Is it possible this is true? Can it because of the accident? I'm not sure how to handle this appropriately.
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ok first of all if your 24 you cant date a 6 year old LOL and do what your heart says
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Razhie is right...think about it for a moment. He made a commitment to some women and married her. If you were married and your husband saved someone's life, other than a one time thank you conversation, would you e.ven feel comfortable if your husband was keeping in touch with that women he saved? She owes him nothing, he owes her nothing. And no, it can't be passed off as a nice gesture to keep in touch. This guy is really doing this all for his own benefit. There's nothing wrong with his age...its his marital status. A man who is not fully happy and satisfied in his own marriage will start fantasizing about others and apparantly that is what he has done using you for fantasizing about.
One can not develop true deep feelings of love for someone they know nothing about. If they have been using their imagination, using their subconscious mind where all our feelings are stored, it can feel quite real, its the same realness you feel when watching a sad movie and begin to cry, because your subconscious mind was emotionally pulled in. He is the one who nurtured his imagination and it got carried away.
Then to contact you and confess this to you...is totally inappropriate. Why was he thinking, that you would say, Oh my! I have feelings for you too! Would you divorce your wife and marry me?
What was his statement supposed to do? Did he hope to start a real affair with you? All of that is not right. It is not because of the accident dear.
You need to learn how to w atch out for guys like this in dating. They have no backbone to deal with the issues at home. Its few women who are true bitches and impossible to live with. Most women are neglected by and not treated as a Queen by her husband. SHe is his maid, his cook, his go-fer, accountant, child bearer and raiser, and his free outlet for taking care of HIS sexual urges. Its okay if a woman chooses that role but the problem is him not recognizing and praising and loving her, upholding her, cherishing and loving her so much that if he were to lose her, he'd pine for her because no other could possibly be as special to him again. Thats what too many women don't get, cus if they did, they would always be in the mood to hug and kiss and make love, an extention of the love inside they have for their spouse. I have met very few women who have husbands like that. S ome get kinda close. But I am pretty sure this guy could change his situation at home and be satisfied if he put in the effort.
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Before you worry about how to handle this appropriately, take a moment and recognize that what he is doing is not at all appropriate and you do not owe him anything besides your thanks.
Is he targeting you because of the accident? Almost certainly. Does he mean what he says? Sure, he probably believes what he is saying, but that doesn't mean it's really about you at all.
What he is saying should set off some red flags for you. He doesn't know you. It doesn't sound like he was a friend, or someone you've spoken to much since then. He is expressing a depth of feeling for you - a virtual stranger- that is bizarre. It's even more bizarre and inappropriate given that he is married.
This sounds like the behaviour of a man who is confused, and maybe a bit unhinged. I would discourage you from meeting with him or having further contact with him. He needs to handle whatever shit is going on in his life that has driven him to develop such a bizarre belief about a woman he barely knows.
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That fact that he is married should say and tell you what is the appropriate way to handle this is. You tell him nicely that you are forever indeed to him for saving your life but you do not date or associate with married men.
If you want to see him and thank him formally for saving your life. Invite him, his wife and the other guys and their spouses or significant others who saved your life to a thank you party. This would not only be a proper thing to do but would be a nice thing to do if you can afford to do so and have recovered enough to do so.
Put yourself in his wife's shoes for a moment. How would you feel if you found out your husband was dating someone? Now how would you feel when she finds out? There is no good outcome to something like this.
Yes he saved your life and for that you may owe him something. That something certainly is not a date or a relationship that has him cheating on his wife with you.
I'm sorry if this is not the answer you're looking for. It is the best answer and the safest answer for both you and him.
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