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Transgender after puberty
I'm a 14 year old girl. I've stopped shaving, started wearing more masculine clothes. Thinking about cutting off my hair, etc. because I feel like a boy. I've always been a tomboy but now I want to be a full out boy, that's just how I feel. I think like a guy, act like one, I just don't want to be a girl anymore. I've been thinking about this for a while but I've been holding it in because my mom would accept it but my father would hate it. He'd probably yell at me and force me to stay a girl. But my main problem is I'm 14. I've hit puberty. B-cup boobs, hair down there, menstruation, etc. So I was wondering, is there anything I can do. Is there any like "breast removal surgery" so to speak. And how to I start transitioning and talk to my parents?
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There is quite a few things you can do.
The first thing you should do it talk to your parents about it. Gender is something that is assigned to us at birth,but that doesn't mean that it's our true gender. When talking to your parents,you should explain to them how you feel.
After talking to them about it,you should go see a doctor,and they can explain to you your options. One option when transitioning is to take testosterone shots. With the testosterone shots,you will begin to grow more body hair,gain more muscle mass,and eventually your period will stop,and your breasts will become smaller.
After some time on testosterone,you can have "top surgery",where they will remove your breast tissue,and shape them more like men's.
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You have asked an interesting question one which has not been posed on this site or at least not one I have seen in the 5 years I have been answering questions.
Answering your last question first about surgery. There are surgeries to change your gender which would include breast removal and to change your vaginal and give you a penis. So that you could have an erection; while forming your penis the doctors would install a balloon you could inflate to give you an erection when needed. You would also have to take male hormones for the rest of your life.
That is the good news. The bad news is none of this can happen until you reach age 18 as no plastic surgeon will operate on anyone under the age of 18 as their bodies are still growing and changing. Some will even wait until the patient is 21 as puberty can last that long. Since gender transformation is permanent the patient must live as the opposite gender for a minimum of two years while undergoing psychiatric counseling.
Two psychiatrist must agree that transgender surgery is appropriate for a patient before a plastic surgeon anywhere will do the surgery. Then the surgery itself is very expensive. It is not covered by insurance and many who have this surgery travel to Canada or Bangkok where it is cheaper.
Why the wait, why the doctors and living as the other gender. There are many reasons but mostly to insure the doctors that this is what you want. For a man it means wearing dresses, makeup, using the women's bathroom. For a women it means wearing men's suits, using the men's bathroom, using bandages to flatten her chest, cutting her hair , no make up and no high heeled shoes or stockings.
For you at 14 this could be very hard as the kids in school are not going to be very accepting of you and could even get you hurt. Then there is also the chance that you are not truly a transgendered person but as you said a Tomboy who is not wanting to give up on that part of her life.
When my niece was your age my sister had her hands full with her. She did not want to give up her comfortable T-shirts for a training bra. She hated her period, probably still does. Kept her hair short all through school. Today she is married to a wonderful man she is very much in love with. Has a beautiful home and a wonderful toddler. She is today very much a girly girl. It was even money fifteen years ago that she would remain a tomboy or turnout something other than what she has become.
I told you that story because it is not unusual for a young teenage girl to resist becoming a women There are many reasons for it. It could be the female influences in there life are more masculine or it is just plain stubbornness and yes you could be transgendered. To find out you need professional advice and this is how you go about telling your parents.
You don't tell your parents your transgendered because the odds are they won't believe you. You ask for help. You ask to talk to a therapist, a psychologist because you are sexually confused. This has meaning to them and is something they can help with.
If your parents have health insurance through an employer the may also have an EAP program. Through the EAP program you can have a limited number of visits with a psychologist. If the psychologist agrees you are transgendered then the psychologist will help you tell your parents.
I would also like you to look at the following website: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). This is PFLAG which is a transgender organization. Through them you can find a support group in your local area who can also help you and support you and your family.
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I know from reading many stories of transgender children and teens how difficult it is. So many stories out there of parents who recognized that their son or daughter as a young child was more comfortable and drawn to things typically worn by and acting also more like the opposite sex. And those parents gave their support. The children were happy until they reached the years of puberty. Their feelings never changed as they grew into teens and young adults so now their bodies were showing as one sex while they felt like the other and that cause emotional turmoil.
I followed the stories of how supportive parents kept in close contact with doctors about the childs issues and in all cases, it seems that the medical community is not willing to interfere and do sex change treatments such as administering hormone therapy, breast removal and such until the child reaches a certain age, at the least, out of puberty. For all I know, it may differ depending what state you're in or what country.
But yes, there is breast removal surgery and if you haven't seen this couple in swimsuits after both being transgender switched their bodies sex and as you will see, the male does look like he's always been male, no sign that he ever had breasts. Here's that link:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
They both had to endure lots of bullying and such and met through a transgender teen support group. That would be helpful support to you right now. Perhaps there you could get better idea's of how to handle coming out to dad and hopefully get his support from others who may have successfully had parents come to support them.
Here's a site that seems to have a listing by ABCnews of lots of transgender support websites, with a listing for parents of transgender teens and others for the teens themselves. I didnt check to see if all the links are still valid but hopefully most still are.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Good luck dear.
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