|
Boy problems..
15, female.
This guy and I are considered 'a thing', at the beginning of our thing, I made it clear I wanted a relationship. He wanted to wait a bit, until we were ready to be a couple. We have become really close, his family are like my second family but I have waited nearly 7 months now..I confronted him about my dislike for the situation as it has been 7 months and we aren't dating.. He said he had nothing to say about it. At the end of the school day, he didn't even bother saying goodbye to me, when we always do. He avoided me that night. Then today I sent him a message, telling him that I was upset by the way he treated me. He replied saying something along the lines of 'You are desperate, I don't want a relationship'. well maybe if he just said that at the beginning and didn't lead me on and tell me he loved me all time then that would be fine, but no. Its like we have broken up when we weren't even dating.. What should i do?! Ignore him? Talk to him on monday, sort things out? Or am i the one in the wrong?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Just because friends and classmates 'consider the two of you a "thing"..' does not mean you are a couple dating. If you made it clear that you wanted a relationship, did you clarify for him with examples as to what you meant by the word 'relationship?"
There are all sorts of relationships in the world, a mother-daughter relationship, best friend relationship, customer-vendor relationship, boss-employee relationship, committed dating relationship, etc...
He may have acknowledged what you said, and interpreted what you said to mean that the two of you are good friends. He didn't want the romance dating thing and just assumed he understood what you said. You assumed he understood what you meant. Men and women don't always interpret what the other is thinking, saying and doing correctly. It is worth the extra effort to never assume in any kind of relationship, even with your boss, that you understood correctly what he/she wanted you to do.
If he is not talking to you and avoiding you now, its with good reason, for what more can he say. A guy will avoid the girl when she doesnt 'get it'.
When he said he loved you...if he said those words, he meant something much less strong than you were thinking. How often do you use the word "Love" to describe something you like and prefer over other things, for instance "I love rocky road icecream, I love doing Kareoke, I love my moms sense of humor, and so on.
The love he was talking of could simply be seeing things about you he admired or liked alot. But that does not equal 'being in love' with someone. He is wise to not want to have a romantic relationship until he is sure and the way to do that is to hang with friends of the opposite sex, one at a time or several, and discover what you do and dont like in personality traits. Having an idea of what the perfect person will be for you someday to end up in a long term relationship with or married too is very helpful.
When he said you are desperate...well thats one thing that turns a guy off about a girl if she comes across that way. You cant decide what guy you are going after, tell him you want a relationship with him and try to make him fall in love with you. It doesnt work that way. Then to tell a guy that you are upset or frustrated with him that he doesnt see things the same way as you? Thats like knocking your head on a brick wall dear. Too many people force a relationship to get to a point that they want and end up in loveless marriages with one or both partners cheating on each other or abusing each other. Don't force anything. This means, if you want a romantic relationship right off the bat, then go for it, but not with guy who doesnt. You have to look for someone else who is looking for the same situation you are looking for.
]
He's probably telling the truth when he says he doesn't want a relationship. It seems like you've been pushing for something he really may not be ready for. Even if if you're close to him and his family, and everything is good from your perspective, you need to respect that he is only looking for something more casual. If you want a real relationship, you may have to go elsewhere, but if he's very important to you, you might be better off going his speed.
There's no rush to be in a relationship. You can care about him and be young and enjoy important friendships with guys without an intense coupling and you may learn more about what you like and have a larger network of friends. All my friends who had intense boyfriends in high school regretted it because they spent so much time on that intense level with one person that they didn't have memories of other friends, activities, adventurers...they spent hours in hallways being jealous and fighting. Look closely at the other people in your school in longer-term relationships and whether or not they're really enjoying themselves on a day to day basis.
]
As bad and poor judgment as it may sound - play games. To see if you can perk up his jealous side. If he doesn't want a relationship don't give him one. Become open to other people. Also by the way this guy sounds, he seems like he thinks he is too good for you. He doesn't sound like he is the one if he blatantly said to you he doesn't want to be in a relationship - it's another way for a guy to say "I want to hook up with you...and a bunch of other girls..." or guys, but aside from the point, try and give him someone to miss. Be sexy, be flirty, be fun and don't include him. Show him you are capable of being a person full of depth without him and that you aren't the same person - but show him that you can be that person without him, the ideal thing here is if you really want him - make him want you in return. The power of seduction is incredible and men, like fish, bite every time. If you are no longer interested in his chauvinistic attitude - act as if he no longer exists. Men don't process arguments that deal with long explanations or emotions. They are "yes" or "no" creatures and when there is a problem they will only try to solve it but it seems like he's solved it already by making his statement to you. Good luck.
]
More Questions: |