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having mixed feelings
My dad died when I was 12 and awhile back I wrote on here about how my cousins husband told me I could call him dad and now my cousin and him are seperated I feel bad for my cousin I really do I don't want to sound selfish but I miss thos father daughter talks we use to have and I don't 'rwant to talk to my cousin about how I feel because I know sh e is hurting right now before he left he said just because they are together anymore dosnt mean I am not his daughter anymore but how is that possible when I can't talk to him or see him anymore. What should I do? He left when I wasn't there. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
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I seem to remember your original letter I do not remember if I answered you.
When two people separate they hurt more than just themselves. If there are children involved they hurt their children and then of course there are members of their extended families that are hurt who have formed attachments to them. This is where you come in to this picture.
Right now you must feel some allegiance to your cousin as she is family yet you miss the father daughter relationship you have had with her husband. I think this is a natural situation for you given how close you were to him and your cousin. What he meant in what he said to you when he left you cousin is what a father would say to his children when moving out of the family home. They say something to the effect that just because mom and I don't live together anymore doesn't mean I am not still your father. He is and always will be.
I believe this is what he was trying to say to you. That you can still come to him just as you did before he and your cousin separated, that you did not get a chance to say good bye. You say you were not there when they separated so I am wondering how this got to you? Did your cousin tell you this?
If your cousin told you that he said this then it would be okay for you to talk to her now and ask her how she would feel if you stayed in touch with him. You should tell why you need to stay in touch with him then ask her if it is okay with her if you do. If she is not the one that told you this then give your cousin some time to heal and then talk to her.
In the mean time you could send him emails but not see him in person until you have spoken to your cousin and get her blessing.
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Well hello again Hon, I advised you the first time you posted! I am sorry to hear that your cousin and her husband have separated.I know you have a lot of strong feelings for this man and it must be very hard for you to accept that he is gone. I do have to tell you though that I really don't think it is a very good idea to try to continue this relationship now that your cousin is out of the picture.Feelings can run very strong in situations like this where you are both lonely and hurting, in need of comfort from one another and there is just too much potential for those feelings to become more than father/daughter feelings. I am not saying this man would do anything wrong or that you would, but why put yourselves in that situation. I lost my father at a young age as well but you really can not replace him no matter how hard you try. I am guessing that you may have a little "crush" on your cousins husband. I think you like the male attention because you miss your dad but I also think he makes you feel special in the way all girls do when they like a boy for the first time. It is normal to have these feelings but perhaps he realizes your feelings are a little too intense and maybe that is why he hasn't contacted you or didn't stop to say goodbye. I think the best thing you can do right now is get closer to your mom. I'll bet she misses your dad a lot too and the two of you can help each other. Someday when mom has had enough time to grieve maybe she will meet someone and you will have a new step-father to help get you through those father/daughter times!Whatever life has in store for you I am sure you will be just fine! Best of luck to you!
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first off you should talk to your cousin about how you feel in the middle of all of ths, depending on how hurt she is or what he did. then you should try to get in contact with him, like a phone call or an email, or sent letter, the both need to know how you feel and how this is affecting you, iff you do not tell them they will never know. Just like your cousin you are hurting from their problems, i believe that if they understan something could be worked out, and that is my advice to you.
The decision is yours...
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