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i need advice
15f/
Okay sorry this is gonna be kinda long but i need help. Before you judge and say "you're too young" and so fourth know that i'm very mature for my age. I'm friends with alot of "older" kids. like 17+, i was at a party i got extremely high, and wasted but i was taken upstairs by this 18 year old but we've been friends for a while so it wasnt random but yes we "hooked up." and eveyone knows which isnt a big deal to me because im not a slut, i dont hook up with people all the time. anyway, it didnt feel like just a hookup, it felt real. we talked about it after (while sober) and he said i wasnt just another hookup, and that he actually cared. i'm convinced because all his friends say he talks about me all the time. we've been spending alot of time together, problem is...i dont know if its what i want. im still a sophomore in high school and hes graduated in college. (my parents dont know this is going on.) we cant do anything outside of his house, unless its out of town. but everything else feels right. i just dont think its good for me. help?
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the fact that you guys "hooked up" is illegal, and you can't be too mature for your age if you are getting wasted and high, but he seems to really like you and if you feel the same about him you will never know if it is what you want or not if you do not give it a shot. I say go for it but the decision is ultimately yours, just make sure he is worth the grounding and punishment when our parents find out, and that he knows the risks, for his school aswell as his life.
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Trust your gut.
This really isn't about how mature you are. You could be perfect. You could be the most brilliant, lovely fabulous creature in existence. It would still be very concerning for a 18 year old to look at you and see a viable romantic partner. It's not your maturity I question - it's his. At 18 he should be looking for - and ready for - a different kind of relationship than you are at 15, and he should be aware of that about himself.
It's also a bit concerning that the moment he chose to make a move was a moment when you utterly unable to think clearly. A guy who thinks the right time to approach a girl he likes is when she is high and wasted - that's a bit concerning as well. Regardless of whether you choose to drink or smoke, people who initiate sexual activity with you when you are in that altered state are people to be wary of. You know - and they know - that you aren't making clear choices.
Even putting all that aside for a moment - a relationship that must be kept secret can never really be a relationship. There are important parts of being together, in a couple, that can only happen when you are honest with everyone in your lives about your romance. If you can't have that kind of honesty with this guy, then you can't build a healthy relationship together.
So if this relationship has be kept secret (either because it's not legal, or because your parents wont approve) then that a good sign isn't not a good situation for either of your, or a situation where a healthy relationship can develop.
So, trust your gut. You've got some valid reasons to feel this isn't a great idea, it might be time to listen to those.
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Time for a little grandfatherly advice; since I am of that age I will offer some.
First: While I am extremely liberal on my views on sex I have to say being 15 and hooking up and having sex is wrong. You may be very mature for your age but I get very concerned when an 18 year old college man seeks out a 15 year old high school girls for the purpose of sex. There is something wrong there. Why does he not look to date within his own age group?
Two: At your age by law you cannot consent to sex be it with someone your age or his. Depending on the laws in your state it could even be illegal for you two just to date. Having sex would be another felony charge.
If your parents were to find out you two were dating they could, depending on the laws in your state, have him arrested for statutory rape. This is the charge just for dating. If they find out you two had sex there are a list of other charges that could be added that could put him in jail for 25 years to life, again depending on the laws in your state. As you can see it is not how mature you are but what the law is that is in play here. While 3 years does not seem like a big deal, and generally it is not, when it comes to underage dating and sex it can be a felony for the adult in the relationship.
You are showing your maturity in the statement; "i dont know if its what i want. im still a sophomore in high school and hes graduated in college." This is good because I'm wondering if your more infatuated by the fact that he is in college interested in a high school girl, rather than actually having real feelings for him.
My advice is that unless you are pregnant, hopefully you are not; there is no reason to tell your parents about any of this. You should break off your relationship and stick to dating within your age group. There is good reason to date within your age group as this allows you to learn the skills necessary to fend off boys and not succumb to whatever advances older boys have learned to use to get what they want.
Teenage years are learning years and not just what you learn in school. This is the time you learn about social graces. How to interact with the opposite sex; you learn what is an is not acceptable in adult society. This is all very important. As I told my children your teenage years are like an Algebra problem. You cannot skip any of the problem solving method and get the right answer. You have to go step by step. This includes going from entering your teen age years to dating adults. In doing so you miss out on many things including many of the fun stuff.
One last thing: At your age drinking is not good. Drinking to the point of getting wasted, especially for women, is dangerous and can lead to unwanted sexual encounters; AKA Rape. This happens all too often to teenage girls and adult women who drink too much. It doesn't have to happen.
My advice is to do without the alcohol. It really is not cool to get wasted drunk and doing so inhibits certain growth potential. Getting wasted drunk no can lead to drinking problems as an adult. I know this as my brother in-law is a recovering alcoholic. He would tell you that a majority of the people in aa will tell you that their drinking problem started as teenagers.
I hope you will give my advice serious consideration as you sound like a nice young lady.
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