|
my friend is obsessed with a jerk
My friend has fallen really hard for this guy who acts like a total jerk to her. (They are both 19 years old) No matter how mean he is, she just won’t stop and I don’t know how to convince her that this just isn’t good for her. She’s had an enormous crush on him for years and nothing seems to be able to break her blindness. Every time he treats her badly, she plummets into overwhelming sadness, but she still won’t give up on him. It’s gotten even worse this past year and it’s gotten to the point that I am starting to become worried about her mental/emotional wellbeing. How can I help her to get over him?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There is nothing you can do for her except to be supportive and be there for her when she finally realizes her mistake. This is one of those instances where the expression; "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink," is very applicable.
Before people will accept help they have to hit bottom. Everyone's bottom is different. You say this guy is a Jerk and that he treats her badly. This does not tell me what I need to know to advice you on what possible interventions to take.
For instance does he abuse her? If the answer is yes, is it physical abuse, does her hit her? If so this is very serious and yes she does need to see a therapist for it tells me she has low self-esteem by allow him to get away with hitting her. Mental abuse is just as bad or maybe worse for it is harder to prove. Still her problem is the same for allowing it, low self-esteem. At least with physical abuse if you see it you can report it to the police, with mental abuse all you can do is be supportive and try and get her to get help.
You say she is 19, is she still living at home? If she is have you given any thought to speaking with her parents? If she is not living at home would talking to her parent be helpful? Would she listen to her parents?
If you are this concerned about your friend you are not betraying her by going to her parents or another older Adult in her life she may trust. If this guy is physically or mentally abusing her; is it not better she see you as betraying her trust then possibly attending her funeral. This is what happens to many young women that allow men to abuse them. The either are abused to the point these men kill them or the commit suicide.
]
I've had this problem with one of my friends before too. It's really hard. Honestly, if she won't listen to you, theres nothing you can do. You will just have to let her learn her own lessons.
]
You can't. She will not give up until SHE is ready! The only thing you can do is be there for her. Try to talk her into seeing a therapist, but it is unlikely that she will. As hard as it is for you to understand, she is getting a payoff from this relationship. Even if it is that one brief little moment of kindness from him, that is what she is focused on. That is her payoff and she needs it as surely as an addict needs heroin. What you are calling a crush is actually an addiction. This type of relationship is destructive, not only to the people in it but to those who care about them as well. Try to keep your friend engaged in normal activities outside of the relationship so that she doesn't completely lose her sense of self. Take her out for a day of fun and try to engage her in a heart to heart talk. Tell her you are concerned and you will always be there any time she needs to talk. That is really all you can do for now. I hope she will agree to see a counselor, it is the only way she will ever break this addictive pattern. Good luck with your friend!
]
More Questions: |