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I always go to a bar or club every time I get frustrated
Whenever I get angry or frustrated about something I always go drinking or to a club (but I would never get "wasted"). It can be from fighting with my significant other, family, or friends, it doesn't matter who I just always go venture into the nightlife to a club or bar when they get me mad. My boyfriend says that he's got a problem with this, even though I reassure him that I will never do anything wrong or flirt with anyone while doing this. It just helps calm my nerves. I guess you can say this habit of mine seems more bad when I fight with him, because on top of everything we argue about at that moment, I leave and find remedy in a club or bar (sometimes alone) which causes him to be jealous/more mad. But it works for me, I always come back feeling more calm and happy which leaves me to think things through more calmly and clearly. Is this normal, why do I do this.. is it something I should worry about and try to control even though it soothes me? I'm a 23 year old woman.
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There's no nicer way to say it but Razhie has good points. The first thing I thought when I read your question is the same.
You are addressing his issue with how you want to deal with the stress in your life, rather than seeing the issue truly as wanting advice on what to do about the stuff that is causing you stress.
All I know for sure is that the 'Fighting' is likely the cause for your stress. I don't know you or the Sig. other, family or your friends to know whether All those people have issues that cause them to pick fights with you. Theres a chance, slight tho that truly you are surrounded in your life (for a reason) by irritating, immature people who cause you this great stress. Perhaps your lot in life and lesson to learn in your life is how to deal with difficult people which means you will i need to change ways in which you react/respond to such people, change the relationships you can, such as choosing better friends and also a better S.O. ...and with family which you have no choice what you got, limit your times with them as much as possible.
There is always a chance that a great amount of the reason for all the fighting is that unknowingly, you are saying and doing things that all others are feeling you are instigating (starting) and that's why there are so many fights.
All of us can say that at least once or twice in life, we've deliberately done something really stupid to cause a fight, but if we get sucked into a habit of knowingly starting fights all the time, thats a bad habit that needs to stop. Since I don't know you hon, my suggestion is to look closely at your life and all the people in it and try to see what may be causing the fights.
To answer your question " Is this normal, why do I do this.. is it something I should worry about and try to control?
It is normal for a person to want to seek something that helps relieve their stress. Is alcohol the best way? Not at all. You may drink right now to only relax a bit. Nothing wrong with a few drinks. With all the fighting going on, you may be drinking often right not, not volumes. As your life, fights, stress do not improve but increase and get worse, over time you may fall into drinking more and more alcohol in each sitting because the one or two drinks don't help relax you anymore and you find that drinking until you are drunk is the only thing that brings relief but its a temporary thing, doesnt last long and it doesn't solve anything. There are other things that could be much better choices to relieve stress than hanging with bar crowds and drinking. You don't want to risk any chance of becoming an alcoholic.
So if you are not willing to really look at whats causing the fighting and remedy that even if it means you need to make changes or see a life coach, see a counselor or read books or how to relate to different personality types, or whatever you deem to be the issue, if you really would rather ignore it and not deal with it, at least choose something else to relieve your stress. Good luck dear!
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You are drinking alcohol to make yourself feel better.
That is unwise. You should stop that.
It concerns me when you ask a question where you seem to really try avoiding mentioning the thing that clearly drives you to a bar or club. You don't try to convince us it's to chat with people, or watch the game, or met with friends, or play pool, or even dance. If you just wanted to be with people or be distracted you could go to a mall, or a cafe, or a movie. You are clearly going to places where you can drink.
What you are doing is altering your brain chemistry, by introducing a legal sedative drug into your system, in oder to manage frustration and negative feelings.
That's not actually self-soothing.
That's self-medicating with alcohol.
People who are skilled at self-soothing, don't use drugs to do it. (And smart people who really can't self-soothe on their own reach out to doctors and therapists for assistance. They don't go straight for whatever mind-altering substances are easily or legally available.)
Maybe your boyfriend is over-reacting, and pissed off at you for all the wrong reasons, but for your own health and happiness you need to learn how to ACTUALLY soothe yourself when you are upset, without relying on a drug. Take a long walk, go work out, have a nice meal with friends or by yourself, take a bubble bath - go play a violent video game if that calms you! But relying on alcohol to manage negative feelings is a symptom of alcohol dependancy, and you don't need to 'control' it, you need to stop it completely.
Maybe you don't 'have a drinking problem' but you do have a bad behaviour and a poor habit, one which could lead to far more problems than an angry husband.
If you feel you just can't, or just don't want to even consider finding other ways to deal with frustration besides drinking that's a pretty compelling sign that you have substance abuse problem, and you should seek treatment for it.
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