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Trusting and True Love
So I have been with my bf for about 8 months and this is the 2nd time we tried to make this work. The first time, he screwed it up and then left but later came back. This time, we compromised and talked and made a "request list" of what we don't want each other to do. Because we are both super protective, its requests like not checking out members of the opposite sex and not lying, etc. Over the course of our 8 months, he has lied to me a couple times and broken requests. I can't leave the house without seeing a girl and thinking "oh gosh I look awful and he would totally love seeing her" yet he denies breaking the opposite sex requests. I'm over the lying. I want to trust him but I don't know what to do. Over the course of time, particularly when he started lying, I started doubting and second guessing my love for him. So now I don't know if I love him and I don't trust him yet I can't really make myself leave. I don't know what to do. Its like I don't want to leave but I do. Ive seen The Fault In Our Stars and all I could think about was him. He tells me "you will see a change" but he has said that before. I don't know if I'm pretending to love him just because I don't want to be alone of a bunch of stuff like that. I really need help. Plus its like I don't want someone to reply back to this and say "yea leave him", I want good advice which then means I care about us lasting so I have feelings for him. I just feel empty and like there's something missing and he claims for it to be trust. Is he right? Is my doubt just because I don't trust him? How do I trust him once and for all? How do I love him once and for all?
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You have "walk all over me stamped on your head" I cAN SEE it from here...your lazy and naïve and that's why this guy is probably physically with you "there" and Iam willing to bet he's tapping some ass somewhere or soon to be...your weak quote "I don't want somebody to tell me to leave him" your pathetic...I don't like you from what you wrote...and Im guessing he dislikes you even more than I...your a whiner...grow a pair girl...you have no respect for yourself...you have no chemistry with this guy...get it?? its never going to work...but you'll probably beat this dead horse, way past expiration date... yea the something missing is you two have no chemistry...but not to worry, he'll find her soon enough, and then you wont even get the token fuck...LOL
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You could be paranoid like he is suggesting. You could be insecure and that could be why you are so nervous all of the time.
Or, he could be a liar.
It is easier to believe the first option, isn't it? It is easier to blame things on your own insecurity because then you feel like you can change it. If it is that your paranoia and your insecurity, then you are in control. This is a comforting thought.
It is much harder to admit that you are not in control. It is harder to admit that the guy you are in love with might lie to you, and that he might check out members of the opposite sex.
Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself: the guy is lying. You can feel it in your gut, can't you?
The reason he keeps telling you to trust him is that he wants you to blame yourself. He wants you to blame your insecurities. Why? Because he does not want to admit to the fact that he sometimes lies to you and that he sometimes checks out other girls.
But, there is good news. Not all guys who lie are bad boyfriend material. Sometimes people lie to be mean, but other times people lie to protect the ones that they love. It sounds to me like your boyfriend is a liar, but that he is a liar with good intentions. He does not want to hurt you by telling you the truth. He probably doesn't want you to know that he does sometimes check out other girls.
And you know what? He SHOULD lie to you about that. Why would he tell you that he checks out other girls when it would only hurt your feelings? I'm also sure that he probably does his best not to check out other girls, but sometimes it is a natural reaction. I'm sure you've experienced it yoruself: you see a good looking guy and you think "wow he's sexy", but you don't mean anything by it. You love your boyfriend and that is what counts. Same goes for him. He might accidentally check out other girls, but then he probably thinks about how much he loves you and how beautiful you are and forgets all about them.
Bottom line: Don't start to trust him more. Instead, forgive him for lying.
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Hi 😁
I think that your request list was a bit strict on the "not checking out people of the opposite sex" request. I get that you are both super protective, but there is a difference between "protective" and "restricting". This sounds super harsh and I'm sorry but when you spoke about seeing a girl and thinking that he would like her better than you, you honestly sounded like an insecure, jealous wreck. (haha sorry again 😉) I don't think that you are questioning your love for him but you are questioning his love for you. It's never ok for your boyfriend to lie to you, but maybe he is doing it for a reason. Maybe that list was a tad too strict.
Solution #1: My advice for you is to speak to him. Tell him that you feel really, really uncomfortable when he lies to you and looks at other girls too much, and that you may have trust issues so it's really not ok to toy with your emotions like that. Say that he keeps promising a change but he never delivers and if he keeps doing that then you believe that you have the right to feel this uneasiness.
Solution #2: The way to deal with these trust problems is to let him do what he does and just be more lax with him. If he does by any chance cheat on you which HE MOST LIKELY WON'T; Look at the bright side: you just found the rude awakening and your suspicions were correct: he is a cheater and he doesn't deserve someone as fabulous as you.;)
Also, please be more confident. There seems to be a huge lack of confidence on your part, and there is no need for that because I bet you're awesome.
Anyway good luck and I wish the best possible outcome for you. 😊- talldivaofbeverlyhillz
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