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my mom won't let me help her with anything !
I am a 25 year old female and my mom has been going down hill the past 3 years she hasn't been able to walk like she use to she has to use 2 canes just to get around and sometimes she still falls and has really bad muscle spasms and has slurred speech and can barely talk sometimes especially when she is in a big crowd its worse . For the past week she has been mowing lawns cutting trees with hedge clippers and dragging big tree limbs while she is using her cane and I try my best to help her and she won't let me as nd it really bothers me because the other day when we were in wallmart she had 2 big buggies and was pulling one with her gands pushing the other with her feet and I was trying my best to help her and she wouldnt let me and some lady that I didn't even know came up to me and said why don't you get get off your lazy but and help your mom when I was trying my best to and my mom says she dosnt want to lose her independence. What should I do? Iam really worried.
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It is unfortunate but I do know exactly how you mom feels about being disabled. I have been disabled for the past 10 years because of an auto accident I was in. It was a three car accident; I was the only innocent and the only one that needed to go to the hospital.
Because of this I can tell you why your mom feels as she does and tries to do as she is doing. I'm not sure I will explain it very well but hopefully you will understand. You mom I believe may be somewhat like me in the fact that at some time in the future she will have no choice but to let more people do things for her. This is hard to accept when you find yourself a reasonably healthy person in other ways than the disability and you must rely on others to drive you places, mow your lawn, shovel your side walk and all the other things we are so use to doing for ourselves.
I was not lucky enough to ease in to my handicap it fell on me and I had to accept help. I tried to do things I really couldn't do and all it did was cause me more pain. For your mom she sees doing these things for herself as a means of holding off the dependency she doesn't want.
I became clinically depressed because I could not do things for myself. Your mom by fighting to stay independent is also fighting of the depression that is sure to come with becoming more dependent on others. This is what you need to watch out for and seek treatment for her when it does occur.
Until then just be with her to help her up when she falls and to make sure she hasn't hurt herself; to help her when she asks for it. When people say things to you as that one lady did just say do them this what mom wants from me at the moment; I'm here to help her when she asks for my help. That should put them in their place.
Please do not try to force her to be an invalid. As long as she can do things safely and without getting hurt or complicating her disability let her do for herself. Just be there for her when she asks for help. In fact I would suggest you tell her that you are there for her and that you are watching over her to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. That is you see her doing things that can hurt her then you are going to tell her and talk to her about it being tome to accept help. Until then the subject is closed.
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Keep doing what you are doing. Keep offering her help.
Also, when your mom says she doesn't want to lose her independence, give her a reality check. If she does not accept your help she runs the risk of injuring herself further. This will make her lose her ability to be independent even more. Also, the fact is we all get old, and we all lose our independence eventually. Needing help is nothing to be ashamed of. It is the circle of life. She helped you when you were a child and now it is your turn to help her.
After offering to help and explaining these things to her, there is nothing else you really can do. Take some "me time". Have a bubble bath, eat a nice dessert, call a friend. You deserve it after everything you have been through.
From Moi to you,
Miss Piggy
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