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Falling out of love
Relationships scare the crap out of me. I can't fathom how one minute everything is good and the next it's not. My boyfriend and I have been in a low phase and he says he wants it to work out still and really loves me. But his actions aren't showing it lately (past week).
My best friend just got broken up with and was talking to me about it and he said that they just weren't happy and wanted different things. I think me and my guy want the same. But I feel like he would lie about it to make me happy. Which is the worst thing he could do because it's never gonna work if he isn't happy...and instead of carrying on with this I could work on bettering myself. I do love him though! Ugh why is love so hard and always leading in heartbreak?
I'm 23 by the way.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I don't see any reason why you would have to break up with your boyfriend in order to better yourself! As a matter of fact I think it may be just the kick start your relationship needs. Any self improvement builds self esteem. Self esteem is the cornerstone on which healthy relationships are built! You have to remember all relationships have their highs and lows. Just because your guy isn't showing it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't feeling it. Guys are notorious for bailing when things get bad and since he is hanging in there I think there is hope. You are trying to take his inventory, read his mind and then decide for him that he isn't happy! Forgive me if I'm wrong but I think you are scared he is going to dump you so you are looking for a reason to dump him first! It is actually quite ridiculous if you stop and think about it, YOU deciding HE isn't happy so you'd better break up with him! Change one person and you change the relationship! You could start out by making those positive changes in you and I'll bet it won't be long before you see some positive changes in him as well. If you really love him then why not take the challenge? Good luck!
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Love is always hard, but the good news is it does not always lead to heartbreak. Keep dreaming the dream. Keep fighting the good fight. I am like you - a simple pig dreaming of a life with my frog.
Here's to you and moi,
Miss Piggy
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Heartbreak is pretty much inevitable in dating and relationships especially when a person is still in the learning and gathering information stage on a person. You don't date long term to be able to say you've done it, you date long enough to find out enough about the character and traits of a person to know if
1. They are healthy mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritual and are therefore a 'whole' person. You don't find a 'better half' in a relationship as is commonly assumed. A person who is lacking in some way is going to be 'needy' because they are not 'whole' and require getting what they need from their partner, leaning on their partner for everything, this is an out of balance relationship and will not work.
2. Discover who the person is at their core, the values, morals and beliefs they have that are what color all their actions in life. A person of strong moral character can be trusted to keep their word, not lie to themselves or others, treat all life with respect, that includes females, animals, plants, etc... A person weak at their core, having no beliefs or directions is prone to not stick with anything for long, break promises to self and others, and will always have rocky relationships.
3. Does the person love themself, honor himself, not ego, but has a good self image, comfortable in their own skin, and able to laugh at theirself, and also to forgive themself for mistakes?
Once you've determined if the person meets the 3 area's above, then its a matter of having things in common, common goals and beliefs in life, same hopes and dreams, and likes. and of course also a good attraction and desire and sexual compatibility too.
If you can learn to recognize the signs of trouble area's in a mans character, you can learn to back away from it. At first it may take dating someone a couple times, two or three times to know he's not the right one. Eventually, you can get so good you can walk into the party or restaurant, bar and observe all the men there and without them having approached you, already know whether they are to be avoided or a good possibility.
I loved the man I married at age 20. I poured my life into him and the marriage. It was a waste of time for 30 years later, after praying to God to change him, God said "I Gave him free will, just as I gave you. He is making choices that are counterproductive to a healthy relationship, he is not a whole person. He may learn to make some right decisions if you leave him, if you stay, He will certainly not learn. You must leave him. I give you that choice. If you do not leave, you will die within 4 years from now from heart attack or cancer. That woke me up. I finally left.
Earlier, I loved him no matter how badly I was treated, how bad the relationship was. But repeated ill treatment eventually killed any heart ties to him. I still cared about him as a human being and wished him no ill but knew I did not belong with him. I had something to learn in the process of being with a dysfunctional, incomplete person like him. And I did learn it.
If you find yourself repeatedly running into the same kind of problems and same kind of men, then perhaps there is a lesson your soul needs to learn in this lifetime and there is no escaping it, no matter what I tell you. You might have to discover what it is you are meant to learn and not just successfully accomplish it just once, but again in a test to make sure you really did learn it and not fall back into a trap. I was tested too. Once I passed my 2nd test, it was 6 weeks until I met the 2nd man I married, the love of my life. We are both whole healthy people and the difference in the relationships from my first one, is like night and day.
My wish for you is that it doesnt take you a lifetime to learn what you need to learn.
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