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Who should I go with??
Sorry if this gets long, but I REALLY need advice... And yes, I've asked questions about this before but this one is a little different.
Me and my friend, lets call her Amy, have been friends for 5 years now. We have a lot of differences. For example, I'm born and raised small town girl from Wisconsin and she's a more wealthy girly girl from the Chicago suburbs.
I think I should also mention that Amy's father has a drinking problem, and recently has been having a huge effect on her family as he moved out and I think her parents are getting divorced.
Amy had never treated me very well. She used to make me do stuff like eat her spit, make fun of me, rarely took my wants/feelings into account, and all sorts of mean stuff.
I stayed her friend because she was the only one who would hang out with me at the time, and I was to young and naive to realize how mean she was. Though it wasn't all her being mean, we do have quite a few good memories. Which if it weren't for those good memories, the occasional fun times we have now and her home life, I probably wouldn't be talking to her at all.
We've gotten into many fights over the years, but after a while we'd always end up friends again.
But the last few years she's gotten much better in some ways, she doesn't do a lot of the things she used to, but she still calls me dumb a lot and is still, at times, not as nice as a friend should be. She will make me do stuff I don't want and deliberately do things I hate just to make me mad. And because of it I tend to resent her.
I have another friend, lets call her Sophie. We where friends since diapers. We went to the same church and our older brothers where friends. But around middle school, we never hung out really at all, we'd say hi and talk at church activity's, but never much else than that.
But when I started doing stuff with Amy, Sophie became her friend too. And we all three hung out a lot together for like, 2 years. But then Sophie realized how mean Amy was she would stand up for me, but then stopped hanging out with us as much over time before never hanging out with Amy at all because she doesn't like Amy much anymore.
(And yes, me and Sophie did tell her about how mean she was a couple times(I remember one time in particular where she left crying, but we worked it out. But she didn't change much at the time and, as you know, is still mean on occasion.)
A few months ago Amy started this huge thing over something really stupid, I don't even remember what it was about anymore. Just that it involved Sophie(they've had their own fights in the past), and I had started to hang out with Sophie by myself more.
I remained calm and just told her that she was welcome at my house when she wanted and left it at that. For a month she barely contacted me much at all, just a few phone calls here and there to ask what I was doing or tell me about a Youtube video she thought was funny.
(I'm homeschooled and she when to public school with Sophie, so I was used to her calling me first because I never knew if she had plans, and I was never doing anything since they where basically my only friends)
After the month, her mom was having a garage sale and my mom wanted to go so I asked her when it was and told her I was coming to it, and when we went there she asked if I wanted to stay the night and I did. We where friends again after that. But we've never hung out nearly as much as we used too since.
As time has gone on since then, we hung out a few times. But I've noticed she's changed. She even cheated on her boyfriend because he 'didn't talk to her as much and it wasn't as fun anymore', and is basically from what I've seen/heard, is turning into a...sl*t. Not only in that regard, she just a different person almost. Yeah she somewhat acts the same, but she's doing stuff I wouldn't imagine she ever would.
Our interests have also differed over time and between our different personality's and how she used to/still treats me, just being in a room with her for more than a few hours drives me crazy most of the time.
When she asks me to do stuff with her I usually don't say no, but I rarely ask her to go anywhere or do anything because I don't really want to.
But because of what's happening with her family my mom always wants me to hang out with her. Even though I usually hang out with Sophie all the time.
But now to the real question.
I'm now in 4-H Club with Sophie and one of her friends that I've hung out with a few times and we often go to her farm because we are showing her calves at the County Fair in two months. But since the fair's so soon and we just started working with our cows, we have to go there a lot to get them ready for the fair.
And Sophie wants to go there with me this weekend and work with our calves and go Mud Bogging(which I've never done and I really want to). But My mom is all but forcing me to call Amy and make plans with her this weekend, even though I don't know if I even want to hang out with her at all anymore.
(I do like and care for her, but I'm sick of her behavior and attitude to everything. But I don't really mind hanging out with her, but I don't like to too much...)
But I feel like I should because of what is happening with her family and is why my mom wants me too.
But I'd MUCH rather go to my other friends farm with Sophie.
I don't like drama with conflicting plans as that has happened way to many times with Sophie and Amy. I just want to keep it simple.
I tend to hope that one doesn't call when I'm with the other one. As Sophie gets annoyed because she says Amy says she's to good for me at school and tells me about all these bad things she's doing.(Which I don't necessarily believe, but I give her the benefit of the doubt, as I could see Amy saying/doing those things) And Amy just...I don't know... half the time you can tell she's mad even if she doesn't say anything, and sometimes she'll even start things like she did before and others she'll be strangely okay with it.
Basically what I'm asking is, should I go to the farm with Sophie, or should I make plans with Amy instead? Or should I cut contact with Amy all together?
If you can I'd also like some advice on what to do with Amy in the future.... just literally ANY advice would help...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If your Mom insists that you go to Amy's then maybe you should just tell her everything you said in this letter. Obviously she doesn't understand what all Amy has put you through and feels sorry for her because of her family situation. Once she knows the truth I don't think she will try to force you be close friends with Amy anymore. As for you, you already know the answer. You have outgrown Amy as a friend and it is time to go on with your life and do fun things with your new friends. There is nothing wrong with taking a call from Amy or saying Hi when you see her but you are not under any obligation to do more than that. The most important thing here is coming clean with your Mom. If she doesn't know the truth then she is going to continue to insist on you being friends with Amy. Good luck!
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It seems like you don't really want to be friends with Amy in which case you shouldn't. Friendship only works when both people are happy with it and your not. If you have to be forced to hang out with someone its probably best you don't. The one thing I've learned is to only hang out with people who make you feel good and happy. I think you should go to the farm with Sophie she clearly is someone you like hanging out with and enjoy spending time with so that's who you should be with.
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