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Is it time to move on or keep trying?
I'm 23 he's 22.
We've been dating for a little over a year but we've been friends for 8 years.
Lately, we have just been fighting incessantly. We can't even be on the phone for 10 minutes without wanting to kill each other. He swears he's not seeing anyone but the way he's acting makes me think otherwise. We usually fight but not to this extent. Usually when we fight he'll call back and apologize and be sweet and we'll get over it. But lately he seems like he's just saying and doing anything to hurt me and then goes to bed without any regard to my feelings. I'm not usually a person who cries in front of him but that's the only way I can get him to stop being mean to me. He will continuously poke at me to get a response, at the beginning of our relationship we agreed to not cuss at each other because it's disrespectful but now he's doing it nonstop and calling me a b****. I can't talk to him about our problems without him just giving me responses like "ok, whatever, and you're not?, and you don't?" I just wanna yell at him and be like give me some emotion!!! but it's no use. I didn't get into nursing school and all he had to say was "that's not the only one in america...." :/ is it time to end things and move on? What can I do?
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Yeah this relationship is over is neither one of you is willing to just A:stop nit picking at each other over things, and B: not communicating the right way. Its kinda funny cause YOU feel hes not communicating the way YOU like, yet your willing to use a feeling you dont have by communicating with another (tears) so your both doing each other wrong. just say "OK THATS IT!! WHAT IS REALLYYYY GOING ON HERE CAUSE IM GETTING MIGHTY TIRED OF THE FIGHTING AND NIT PICKING SERIOUSLY ENOUGH ALREADY!" then just stand there and let him say something back and see what you get. see if his answer sounds creditable and REAL, and if it does then find the closest chair and sit down and talk about it. let HIM tell you how hes feeling, and dont judge, jump interrupt, just say "uhuh....yeah", "ok i hear what your saying but you acting like a d-i-c-k, isnt making things better around here, its just gonna make me more angry and then i cant support you the way you need because your just pushing me away. heres the secret here ok? all those statements i just gave you are general enough that they will work on almost ANYONE thats doing these kinds of things. so you SHOULD get some kind of genuine response from him. Try also having small civil conversations with him, show him that your still interested in his life and you enough to ask him when he walks in the door how hes doing. ask him how his day at work was, or when YOUR eating, ask him if her wants some too, then get him to sit down at the same table with you so you can get him to talk to you. when your out and one of you buys food for the other, try saying thank you and giving him a peck. its the small things that will show him that you WANT to be there for him but that his current behavior is totally unexceptionable. im also married to my best friend of 12 years and EVERY DAY, EVERY TIME he buys me food i say thank you still. This will also show him what he'll be missing out on if he continues to act like this. ; ) good luck
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The most rewarding and healthiest relationship you could ever find yourself in would one be in which the guy and you are best friends and have many things in common, including how you express your emotions, or at least if different, it doesnt bother you. The other important thing is the love life, being sexually compatible. You dont want to be with someone who has fetishes he wants you to take part in that you're turned off by, and you both have differing libidos.
One happy with twice a month and the other wants every day.
You may have been friends for 8 years buts a not the closest of friends. There was always a difference between my very best close friend and other friends. The best friend would want to hang with me whether I was in a good mood or bad, whether I was healthy or sick and still loved me...unconditionally. We never misunderstood each other and never teased or picked on or fought. Instead we supported each other and encouraged each other, we didn't have to be doing anything special to enjoy each others company. We had a great trust in each other and could share our deepest thoughts and feelings and know that the integrity behind whatever promise we made never had to be questioned.
My best friend now is my husband. He is all that I describe a best friend to be and more. He encourages me to pursue my dreams and talents, he gives comfort when I am upset, even if theres no words that can be said. just a warm hug and being held tight while I cry. He's always looking for something special he can do for me without my having to ask, anticipating my needs. And on the love side of things, we both like the same things, have the same high libido, and his goal is to put my needs first, make sure I am satisfied before he dreams of getting his needs taken care of.
Anything less than a 'best friend' in a partner is only going to being dissatisfying or worse.
So you tell me, do you think you are really dating a man who is your very closest friend? If not, there is no reason to stay with him because he is not the right one. Personally from what you shared, he doesnt sound like the right one for you.
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It sounds like it's probably time to end it.
If you genuinely don't trust that he isn't seeing someone else, you need to end it. If you can't honestly look at yourself and choose to believe him, and respect him when he says he is still loyal to you... that alone means this relationship is utterly over.
He's clearly hurting. He may not show the hurt in the way you want to see it, but unless he is a crazy person, this hurts him. It hurts to be accused of something you aren't doing, and that kind of distrust is an insult to him. That sort of thing feeds into the cycle of disrespect and cruelty between you two.
If you want to break the pattern, you might need to take the first step: When he says he isn't cheating, believe him. When he says he isn't trying to hurt you, believe him. Stop using tears to end conversations that aren't going the way you want - it's not fair to do that on purpose. It's okay to cry, but don't do it just because it shuts him up. Of course he shouldn't call you names, but you shouldn't be trying to manipulating him in to stopping thing you don't like. You should be speaking calming and clearly about the things you don't like. By all means tell him WHY you are hurting ad why you are upset, but start accepting what he says about himself as the truth, and listen to what he has to say, even if you don't love the way he is choosing to say it.
If you can't, or don't want, to take that step towards reconciling and really listening to each other, then just end it now.
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