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in love with co-worker
I work with this man at my job and I like him. I'm trying to be as breif as possible. I work in an office, and the man I met is really sweet and gentle. He took me to dinner once, to talk about a project, but he has a girl friend. She's really clingy and catty and jealous. He's thinking about dumping her, but I'm still not sure if we should go out, and will it affect my work?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hi there. Thanks for your question. No need to be brief, and if there's anything you want to add that might influence your choice, feel free to get in touch again and we'll talk about it. At present I'd say there is nothing particularly wrong in a relationship with someone you work with. If he is your superior, there may be the odd rumour that he's favouring you unfairly
at times because of the relationship. But office gossip is inevitable, and usually has a short shelf-life. Unless he blatantly and visibly IS. This is more rare. Over-promoting an unsuitable candidate for instance, is damaging to the company. Anyone in a position of authority will know this and will not do it. Your worry is not irrational...just agree to take a bit of care and
have a discrete 'office life' when you're at work. Needless to say, colleague or boss, you do not let personal issues impact on your ability to do your job. Equally, all companies have a human side, and personal issues can and do affect our working lives, regardless of whether those involved work together or not. The usual chat with a line-manager and a word to HR to keep them informed would still apply. It's a horrible term (I think) but you are a HUMAN Resource...successful companies realise this and act accordingly. So I do not subscribe to the idea that you should never date someone you work with. My only conviction is 'never say never'...about anything! Lots of happy couples met at work, we spend huge amounts of our time there, after all. By far the bigger worry is that he is actually NOT thinking of dumping his
'catty and jealous' girlfriend at all. I would definitely suggest you wait until he HAS, and shown you beyond all doubt that he has. And keep things 'good friends' for a while, no more. If an impromptu 'Let's have dinner tonight' from you is turned down for a reason he seems reluctant to disclose...this should set the alarm bells ringing. See how the suggestion of a whole
day out at a weekend is greeted. Try "I'll come and meet you at yours early, I'll leave my car and we'll go in yours" or some similar scheme. use you imagination and feminine guile! Basically, how about a month or so of meetings and activities which he can't possibly keep from the prying eyes of catty, jealous girlfriend? You like him, that's obvious. You don't call a guy
sweet and gentle if you don't. And you consider yourself a better option for him than Miss Clingy & Jealous. You want him to be your boyfriend. All in. DO NOT let yourself become a 'bit of fun', some casual amusement for him at work, and nothing more. You wouldn't be the first or last to find herself in just this position. And afterwards, When YOU are the one dumped, working
with him will almost certainly become very uncomfortable indeed. If it's a genuine attempt that you both agree after a while just 'doesn't work out' it's a different matter of course. You should find working together quite quickly returns to normal. And if you do totally click and commit to each other, working with (and even technically working 'for') a guy who is your
partner is perfectly sustainable and manageable. If it's 'for' you might expect a few perks and priveleges but don't let them be too much 'in the faces' of colleagues...be discrete! Good luck...hope he's the one, eh? And however sweet-natured he is, he has to be firm end things with his present girlfriend FIRST. Put your feelers out, try a little (sublte!) flirting to signal
your intent by all means. But don't just dive in based on him 'thinking of dumping her'. It's asking to be hurt neraly every time. He's got to
do better than that to win YOU!! Having two girlfriends 'on the go' and waiting to choose the best one (which in effect is what he would be doing) is NOT sweet at all. It's unacceptable and selfish in my opinion. And we'll have another chat if you fancy it? CJB. X
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