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Falling out of love?
So my boyfriend and i of almost 2 years broke up two weeks ago. We roke up earlier before and got back together for theee months jan-march. And we spent that time just kinda doing sexual things but not to the point if sex each time we saw each other during the three months. I just thought it was because we know each other so much and have bonded already so we dont exactly need it even though i wanted it sometimes either hed be horny and wsnt me to give him a blowjob or id get turned on and make him yeah. We practically see each other about once a week or sometimes two weeks. He broke it off and then told me that it was because he felt like he was just teying to make me happy in the relationship and that he was falling out of love. That he gave it his all the first time and this time he didnt try as hard. He told his friend(s?) about his situation with me and they didnt thinkthat we would work out. And he even used that as a reason to break up with me. There were two times however that we did have timeto hangout with each other as lovers without the kissing or sexual things. And wen we roke up i was emotional and asked him tell me were you happy during those two times because you laughed and smiled the entire day. But he didnt answer. Lately for the two weeks ive been in no contact with him hecause otherwise id be emotional around him if i texted him. But ive noticed and i have to admit i looked for it also but hes been checking gmy snapchat story even though i didnt send it to him for two weeks. And then once last weekend i texted him and asked to hang out and he told me that how about no youre getting rid of the bs on your wall so im getting rid of the bullshit in my life. Refering to my recent snapchat of my wall that used to have his posters and pictures on it. Well so far ive had one foot out the door for moving on but i really still want to stay with him because he made me so happy and our history together. I just dor know ehatto do because i feellike if i contact him asking to see him hes going to say some mean things. Can you please give me advice on hat to do. Ive been having dream about trying to get back with him for the past week and i keep waking up at 3ish because of it. An so when i wake ip i just feel sad because i know he isnt together with me anymore and i dont know what i should do.
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I'm not quite sure how old you's are, but you both sound young. I'm 17 and had a fair share of relationships as hard as it is to say, and my last one was the worst. I go by the saying "Everything happens for a reason", and this is one of the things that the quote goes for! The hardest part of the break up isn't the break-up itself, it's actually the moving on part. I know things will get emotional sometimes, and you will miss their company like crazy, but maybe this was for the best! It's like a second chance to find someone even better than him. Don't go out looking for someone though, let them come to you... that's when you know they are truly interested in you. I hope I helped you out a little bit!
Stay Golden!
xoxo
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I think he sounds fair. He actually gave it another try with the 3 months. When he said that " he was just trying to make me happy in the relationship and that he was falling out of love." that makes perfect sense and is very plausible. I don't think he was fishing for flimsy excuses as he did come back for 3 months. He probably could feel it after the first few days already that it didn't feel right, and he probably couldnt explain it like I can. But I have to commend him for giving it 3 whole months anyways to be sure it wasn't something else.
The issue?
You and he simply don't have the pheremone connection. It isn't something you can make happen. Thats what causes that spark between two people. We can operate pretty well without a spark between us, without chemistry, but eventually after a certain amount of time, one or both have no energy left to put towards trying to make the relationship work. Although relationships are hard work, there should be a love and desire, a feeling of 'you can't stand to be apart'.
Sometimes both people can sense its not perfect and somethings missing. But in some cases as in yours, something else is blocking your ability to see this or you do seed it but refuse to acknowledge it and let go...its called 'lying to yourself'.
You said he gave it his all for 2 yrs. And he found that did not work and his explanation: he felt like he was just trying to make you happy. Thats the key,,,he had to try-- meaning who he was as a person was not perfect for you. So he had to change who he was and was willing to do that in attempt to please you and make you happy. The problem with doing things that aren't naturally a part of who we are and forcing ourselves to become someone we aren't in order to please someone means that it takes more personal energy to be someone that is not naturally us. I am not talking about the kind of change where a person grows and matures as an individual, I am talking about changing totally who we are at core, our personality, our likes, hopes and dreams, how we look at things, etc.... He was so willing to do this but could feel that eventually he ran out of energy. So after the breakup, he got back for 3 months and felt the same thing immediately, that you and he were not right for each other. And yet even so, he stuck with it for 3 months. But he had no energy left to give to it, to being someone he was not just to make you happy. Obviously...he was trying so hard because he does like you as a person, he probably considers you a great friend. And thats why he could laugh easily those couple times with you. If a girlfriend laughs with you, does that mean she is romantically attracted to you and is in love with you? NO...so don't read anything into that.
When you texted last weekend, he felt he had a right to be huffy with you, you just weren't letting him go and leaving him alone. It's not that You are bullshit, the whole idea of forcing to try to make it happen is bullshit, and the fact that you won't take No for an reason is bullshit to him. You are now pestering him and making him angry. So ofcourse he's going to be angry. All he has to do is ignore your texts and not answer at all, not one word. I guess he hasnt figured that one out yet. Or change his phone number or block you from being able to contact him. Losing someone you never really had is a loss at least in your mind never the less. And people grieve over losses, death in family, loss of job etc... why not this. Ready up on the natural process for going through the grieving processs successfully and do it. Eventually you will get over him. If you are unwilling to do that, perhaps going to see a counselor may help you because your issues internally could be more than a break up, the break up only brought your mental issues or other problems into the light.
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