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My boyfriend can't accept me after I lied to him for a long time
I am 21/f,from India, i had a relation in my past,but my ex tortured me mentally and physically and forcefully do sex with me.so i ended with him.after that i met my present boyfriend,started to love him.but because of my shameful past,i feel ashmed to tell him about my past affair.and i lied to him.but 9month ago my bf came to know about my past and asked about it and i told him everything.but now he feels that i used him,i deceived him,all the time he talking about my past give me no respects.he thinks that i am not a good girl or have any quality to be with him because i am not a virgin(we had also sex 2times),but his problem is that i slept with my ex,so i am just worthless for him.he can't understand my problems,my feelings,always drills me with my past and argued with me. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH,i know i was wrong that i lied to him.but am sorry for that.and wants marry him. But he can't forgive me. Plz suggest me something.
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Girl you didn't lie to him. A lie is when someone ask you something and you don't say the truth. This guy didn't ask did he?
First of all, YOU ARE WORTH A LOT!!! Everyone has a past and so don't feel worthless because you went thru what you went thru. This Ex guy you dated manipulated you mentally and physically and that isn't your fault. You cared for him and wanted him and he didn't appreciate you. So don't carry that with you as a reason to feel worthless. Your worth isn't defined by someone else's behavior.
If your current boyfriend can't understand this then it is his problem not yours. Explain to him that you weren't ready to talk about your past and that you didn't talk because of that. If he insist feeling betrayed then give him space. Just let him clear his mind and you clear yours.
Once again you didn't do nothing wrong and your past shouldn't define you. You are complete and worth a lot.
I'm here if you need anything and please check out my blog.
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End things with your current boyfriend. You may love him, but he doesn't love you. He doesn't value you as a person. He only cares about your body.
I know in India it's not easy to talk about sex. I am Indian too so I know what you mean, but you need to find someone who actually respects you. You can't change what happened to you. It wasn't your fault. You went through something horrible, he shouldn't even be mad about you lying to him since it tortured you. But he's more mad about you not being a virgin? That means he only cares about your body and that's wrong.
Go find someone who cares about you as a person and not your past.
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Would he have accepted you had you told him the truth?
It doesn't sound like he would have to me.
It sounds like he's has decided that your virginity was the only thing you had that had value to him. That's not love. That's not respect. And that's unlikely to change.
You can't win back what you lost, not because you lied, but because he cannot respect or love the human being you actually are. He has reduced you to nothing more than then your female body, and has decided that body has no value.
Leave him. You don't need his forgiveness. You need his respect. No matter how much you love him, he's not going to give you that.
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