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My Simple Yet Complicated Friendship
Warning, this might get long. But I really need advice!
Okay, I'm homeschooled(a sophomore) and I don't have many friends and am really shy...
Two of my friends are (what I'll call them) Amanda and Daisy.
Amanda, met her like, 5 years ago. She's really funny and can be nice and we have a lot of common interests. I live in a small town in rural Wisconsin and when I first met her she had just moved here from a richer Chicago suburb. She was spoiled, kinda stuck up and pretty much a controlling brat. She'd buy me food then spit in it and make me eat it, call me dumb and stuff, make fun of me to her other friends while I was there, do stuff I'd ask her not too because she thought is was funny when I was mad and many other mean things like that(still sometimes does).
I kept being her friend through it all though I did get mad at her for many things. I often wonder why I did, but she was pretty much the only person who hung out with me at the time. It was to the point where I couldn't stand being in the same room with her for more than an few hours and a lot of the stuff the did I was so used to I didn't even notice it anymore.
I told her how mean she was a few times and either nothing changed, or it was better for like a week then was bad again.
For the last year or so she's been better, But still does some of those things. And I tend to resent her for it sometimes... but don't really say anything. She's been different lately, doing things I never thought she would do, like cheating on her boyfriend.
Her dad is an alcoholic, and cheated on her mom and her home life is not the greatest....
As for Daisy, I've known her since we where in diapers, our older brothers where good friends and we when to the same church. But from the age of like 7 till 6th grade, we never hung out much. Then started again when she became Amanda's friend.
She treats me good and we get along pretty well. She also stood up for me whenever she saw Amanda was being mean to me and also resented Amanda and stuff. I really enjoy hanging out with her and we have a lot more 'country' things in common than I do with Amanda.
Her father also drinks and also doesn't have the best family life and attempted suicide last year, but she survived and went to counseling.
Those two have had a lot of fights and are no longer really friends, Daisy tells me She hears Amanda at school talking bad about me and does stuff, I really don't want to believe it but I can see it being true. Though I've had my mom and some other adults tell me she is minipulative and can see her minipulating me and Amanda.
Amanda got mad at me a few months ago for something really stupid and stopped talking to me for a month. Then We started talking again and We hang out a bit, but not nearly as much as we did.
Last weekend, Amanda wanted me to go shopping with her and I couldn't because of chores and yard work. So I said, "Maybe next weekend".
This weekend: Daisy came over on Friday and stayed the night. On Saturday Daisy was still here, and Amanda called, asking if she could come over for a few hours and she did and we all got along pretty well. She then asked me if I wanted to see a play with her today(Sunday).
But for some reason I didn't want to. My mom later told me that Amandas Family had gotten in a huge fight(our parents are friends) and her dad called Amanda a mistake and that she shouldn't have been born. And that she had notices how she was sadder and more depressed than usual.
But even after that....I still didn't go to the play. I don't know why, but I didn't. After Daisy left a few hours ago, my mom yelled at me for being rude to Amanda and that it was wrong for me not to go, and I know it was...but I don't know why.. I want to be a good friend to both of them, I want to stop being selfish... I just feel so guilty...
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I admire your willingness to help both of these girls. Please do not think that you not wanting to go to a play with Amanda regardless of what's going on in her life, makes you selfish and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Obviously your mother wants you to be friends with Amanda because she is friends with her parents. The thing is that friendship is a two way street. The way that Amanda has treated you since you met has not been friendly. In my opinion, you should be there for her if she wants to talk as it sounds as if you have a caring heart but please don't put yourself in a situation where you are being treated so badly. Nobody should be treated that way.
On the other hand, it sounds like Daisy has some major issues she's dealing with as well. You two seem to get along and treat each other well and that's what friendship is about. If you feel good about yourself and are happy when the two of you are together then that's great. That is a relationship you should continue.
Maybe you should join a youth group at your local church or a club of some kind so you can meet some other girls your age that you have can possibly develop close friendships with.
You sound like you would make a great friend. Be careful with your choices.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
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Sweetheart I really don't know what advice you want. Yey I got a lot of things to advice. I know you are having trouble brought by your friends and you are affected by their troubles in their family and as I've felt, you became the sandwich between them. First, let me start pointing out their attitudes then I'll go further.
Amanda, she is a type of girl who brags but I know she has goodness in her. The fact that brought her into her nasty attitude is that because of her parents and her family. There's a thing that is missing on her. And that are attention and sympathy. She lacks attention from her parents because her parents are not going well. She needs attention for a sympathy because no one understands her. She is just being a mean girl because of the things that are not into her. Eventhough she always do some stupid stuffs to you but still always there for you or to hang with you is that because she thinks that you are a friend that can fully understand her and please despite of bad things she done. I believe that you are good and understanding and you are someone who people xan trust to and it's because of your great keen understanding.
Secondly, Daisy. She is the girl who can understand you and stood for you now matter what. But the only bad thing is that she manipulate people and worst, she manipulate friends. As you've said she has also a family that's not really going well.
These girls are just being affected by their families and lack things that their family didn't do while they're still at the stage of a flourishing mind. You are affected by these two ladies because you care alot for them. But just in my point, do they care about you too? Especially Amanda. Yes, they do care about becasue they stll hangout with you, but only that? I mean I don't want to sound like that is your treatment for them is biased coz sometimes they hurt you. The thing that I'm greatly pointing out is that you are the one who is suffering from your frienship. I would say that you should avoid amanda because she is not treating you as a friend and spitting the food and let it be eaten by you is inhumane. But you should not avoid her because she just needs someone who she can lean on. But never ever pleased her everytime she does stupid tjings or tell nasty words. But let her feel that she is important and there's someone who can understand her no matter what.
And for Daisy, you should let her feel that you are there for her. Express her about how you feel especially at the time of she's becoming manipulative. Show her that you are strong enough to standout. Show the best in you but as much as possible, don't be too avaible and good sweetheart or else they will abuse it.
I would tell you a very wonderful thought that is contrary to popular belief. " Don't be yourself, you can evolve". Get of from the self you used to. Evolve because you can and do your best whenever its possible and no matter how impossible. Get off from the self who is weak, you are comfortant and you are strong from within. I xan sense myself from you because i've been in an unhealthy friendship before. If you really think that you're friendship is poisoning you, better off to be alone for awhile abd friends friend who won't bother you alot. You are too young and you can find more nicer friends. Don't let yoyrself be burried in the darkest sirrow of your frienship.
I hope this helps. Quite long. Take care sweetheart.
'Blueheart'
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