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She Knows and its complicated....
Well on Tuesday I managed muster up the nerves to tell this girl that I really liked her, but at the last minute I chickened out because I heard that she was going out with her ex again. So that night on Facebook I decided to ask if they were seeing each other and she said yes they were, then started asking if there was something I wanted to tell her...bottom line I snapped and told her that I do like her an have for a while now....this is where things start going down hill....she responded with this..
FINALLY!! i don't mean to sound cocky but ive known for a very long time that you've liked me, but has that affected the way i am around you NO OFC NOT!!! now that you have told me is that going to make things awkward between us deffo not, nothing is going to change between us!! Honest truth, if he wasn't in the picture things would be soooo different and ngl i probably would be with you, but he is in the picture and im sorry but i really like him! i will always have feeling for you, even when im a cripple and married I'll still have these feelings but i just think we should keep wha we've got now!! nothing will change though now you've told me okay, i promise!!
Then I said thanks for being honest ect and she comes back with this (we have an inside joke that we're married with kids, it's a detailed inside joke)
You will always be my husband!! and i mean it when i say this, if you had told me sooner, then maybe, maybe it would have been different but my feelings lie with will :L just know that i did like you and still have feelings for you!! i cant afford not to have you in my life though so please can we still be best friends??
I said yeah but could have some space to get over what has happened and she said that's fine, but yesterday at school I was louder than usual swearing a lot and when I got home all I've done is gloom around my room....what the hell is going on and what can I do about it!? I feel like I'm drowning, what the hell do i do?! (she is in loads of my classes)
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If she knew you liked her, all she had to do was ask you out. In todays time, it perfectly normal for girls to do that. If you were really close as best friends, it's even more normal. In fact, I am beginning to believe more girls are doing the asking than guys from what I read.
So maybe she resents you for being too chicken? Well guess what...so was she! If its true she had feelings, and she's brave enough to tell you now, why couldn't she then, huh? If she knew and had it in her mind that she could only be happy with you if you asked her first, then she has some preconceived idea about how things should go and turn out in life. Life isn't a neat little package, its unpredictable and quite messy at times.
She sounds like a typical case of a teen girl with her hormones out of balance, cus her words sound like that is the case. A hormonal imbalance can cause a female to feel depressed, anxious for no reason, or extremely angry and mean or really weepy and sad all the time. Sounds to me like she is going through anger and meanness symptoms and taking it out on you. Hormonal females can't be counted on to be talking reality. Everything is blown out of proportion, or totally made up and many unsuspecting totally innocent of fault people feel the brunt of such a females mean ness. Trust me, raising 3 girls, I know. The anger is never focused on someone who did something to the gal to incite such a response. My daughters have lashed out at me as teens but mostly at their sisters and it was never anything we did. Just their confused way of seeing things.
Besides sounding hormonal which is a physical problem and can be treated easily by a doctor there is a chance instead that she has some mental health issues. Many people who are suffering undiagnosed mental health issues are unable to hold a normal healthy relationship for long.
And along the lines of mental emotional needs You have the Drama Queen. Life can't be even keel with her, its too boring, so drama queens create drama where there isn't any. Create issues where there aren't any. I will point out the drama in case you didn't catch it. The comment about sounding cocky, about knowing for a VERY long time, even when crippled and married she'll have feelings for you still? She probably has no clue she used 'when im a cripple' for GOD's sake, who Plans on becoming a Cripple??? Thats put in for dramatic effect. She could have said "if im a cripple", which would indicate she realizes that who knows what the future may bring, using When, sets it in stone as being reality as if she can predict the future and wants to gain your sympathy over an event that may not ever happen.
Who's she trying to convince you? or herself?? Her next words are to try to gain your belief and trust in her by saying: Honest truth, and im sorry, and i mean it when i say this.
I asked my husband who of course is a guy and he agreed with me that this gal is not sincere in anything she wrote. Shes the kind of female who is playing with your emotions, "manipulative" is the word the husband used. Go back over and read it carefully many more times. Hopefully you will see too how she says something to get your hopes up and says something to dash them in the next phrase. She is trying hard to get you hooked by toying with your emotions, leading you on even if just with a promise of must have you as best friend, can't live without you. She's trying get you to jump through hoops mentally at least....and it worked, she hooked you cus you are taking her seriously by your emotional reactions of swearing alot, feeling gloomy and feel like your drowning. I'll say you're drowning! Drowning in her B#llsh@t is more like it.
Calling you her "best friend?" More b%llsh@t . A really true best friend does not play with their friends emotions like this. If you don't learn to avoid females like this, you'll keep running into them throughout life and falling for their emotionally manipulative ways.
Count yourself lucky that you wrote in for advice. If you can learn to see her for what she is, then you won't want to waste your time pining after her, and seeing in her classes will not be a problem.
You're still young and wanting to experience a relationship with a girl. She might look cute on the outside but somethings rotten on the inside.
You deserve something better for a best friend let alone a girlfriend. If there are any major character flaws and trouble areas about someones personality, it will naturally eventually come to the surface in time. People like to look their best to make friends or find someone to date. We will put our best foot forward and be on our best behavior. Others with "real" problems, will make up a totally false personality and keep up the pretense the entire time you know them. However it can't go on indefinitely. At some point they crack and show you either a glimpse of or all of their true self.
I think you were just shown a glimpse of her true self. This is not the nice girl you thought she was.
I wouldn't even want to be 'just friends' with a conniving, manipulative, selfish, untruthful person like her.
You have to attend classes with her, but you don't have to remain best friends. Tell her you have had some time to think about what she had to say, that you are thankful that she was honest enough to show her true self. And that her true self is someone you wouldn't even want to be friends with. And leave it at that. You don't have to explain. People with the mental issues causing them to act that way are often incapable of understanding that they have problems and it would be a waste of your breath so don't get sucked into conversation with her. Getting into conversation with her to me sounds about as fun as wading through a septic tank.
Cut your losses, learn from this. Move on.
There are many sweet girls you just haven't met yet who would appreciate you and treat you well.
If a girl can enjoy being friends, then theres a good chance she's interested in more, just flirt to see how she reacts. If she likes it she'll flirt back and that means you can proceed with moving from friends to dating. There are many tips to know how a girl likes you like that. When you get to that point with the next girl, write us to get pointers on how to know and we'd be glad to help. Good luck!!
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It sounds like she is trying to spare your feelings in her own way. As for you, you are upset about how things have gone and that is perfectly understandable.
There isn't much you can do about it, you can either hope that she splits up with her boyfriend or move on and find a girl who is straight with you. If she truly loved her boyfriend she wouldn't have said that she liked you and classed you as her 'husband'. I am in a long term relationship and would never say to another man that I classed him as my husband because it wouldn't be fair to my partner.
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