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I am in love with my friend but he is hot and cold?!
Hi
I have feelings for one of my guy friends. We are 21, I have known him for about a year and there has always been sexual tension between us. We would always talk and we always saw each other because he works at the gym I go to.
About 4 months ago he started seeing a girl, and recently I realised that I have feelings for him. He is VERY flirty towards me and he asks to hang out but then he bails last minute.
Last week i was out and saw him, we were all drunk and he kissed me on the lips just a peck. Then a bit later he sat down with me and was cuddling me on his lap and stroking my leg and I tried to kiss him but he wouldn't kiss me back he just kind of kept his face straight. Sooo then I tried again but the same thing happened. I brushed it off and we walked back and the next day I said sorry I was really fucked but he pretended like nothing happened and said all we did was cuddle.
I don't understand we talk ALOT but I always start the conversations. But the way we talk seems like he is interested. Should I just change gyms so i can get over him or is that weak?
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First of all, we can't take seriously what a person is like when they are drunk because they'll act differently and do things they wouldn't if they were sober, so I won't even address the meaning of any of that.
Flirting is fun. Many do it simply for that reason, not because they are really seriously wanting to go after the person they are flirting with.Then others use it as a tool to let a party now they are attracted to them. Often it can be very subtle and not everyone might pick up on it as flirting, just depends more on what a person is picking up non verbally that give it away as flirting, not so much the actual actions or words said.
So end result, I wouldn't count heavily on just this one fact that he flirts as meaning he is seriously interested in you as more than just a friend. Both my husband and I have friends who will flirt with us at times and while it seems serious to any onlooker, all it is, is the teasing words, but there is no substance to them, no actions behind them.
Yes, its very possible to start out as best friends with a male and later develop the stronger feelings. That is all good as long as both people feel the same way, but that is not always the case.
You say you talk a lot but you are always the one seeking him out and starting the conversations. He may be a generally talkative guy and friendly towards anyone who approaches. But when it comes to people he tends to gravitate toward specific people he feels he has more in common with, and really--we all do that. If a guy is interested in a girl, he will be making overtures to pursue her, in conversation starting, calling, texting, asking to hang with her or take her out. If he is not doing these things he is not interested. There are things that some women do that turn off a guy, its something they pick up on subconsciously like when a gal is acting desperate for a guy by doing all the contacting and all the chasing. The moment you stop, he can put things in perspective and decide if he wants to really pursue you cus now you act indifferent to him. The other is not being confident. It means you don't know what you really want in life or in a guy and you will take the first one that seems to look your way. Confidence in a woman is as visible to a guy as what she is wearing and most men tend to find confidence very sexy and appealing so much so, that he'll choose the confident gal who is easy on the eyes over the one who looks like a model but has no self confidence.
If you are still hoping for a chance with him, then switching to another gym may send the wrong message. If you're ready to get over him, and you feel it will help you, then switch.
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Eyeee eyyeee yeeey this is very confusing.
I'd ignore the kissing thing, as that's not strong evidence for either way.
The fact that he's seeing a girl and always bails may suggest he's on to you, and not interested.
He may be trying to stay friends, and brush you off gently by cuddling and such. Don't change gyms, don't get over him quite yet-
You can always try a different approach to make him interested. Don't start ALL the conversations, don t be desperate for his attention etc. If he's interested, he'll naturally chase you. If not, he wont.
Simply keep calm and carry on. If it continues to no avail, you may want to try moving on. But he seems nice- so try not to lose friendship, because that would be sad!
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