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I have a friend who is spoiled and a crybaby. How can I tell her?
i want to tell her things that are right
to do but i am not sure if she would hate me. i want to tell her but i do not know how to without hurting her feelings, help!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You really can't say anything until a person asks you a question related to the issue asking you what your opinion is or directly asking for help. For example, if she were to say, "You're one of my few friends, most people seem to try to avoid me or don't want to become friends. Why do you thing that is happening? Or what am I doing to make people back away and not want to be friends?
Then you have the permission to say something. Think of how hard it is when someone has something to tell you that points out a flaw or weakness in you. It is hurtful and painful. What helps make a person feel better is to know that they have lots of positive points and that others have suffered going through the same personality problems as her.
Try telling her that: apparently these people are unable to see your great points like "this" and "that"(you provide the compliments) as I do. But being a close friend to you, I've also seen some behavior that might be causing people to not want to be around you. Hey I'm not perfect either, I have probably done these things on occasion and when I do, I sense people pulling away and not wanting to be around me that day.
One issue would be that as a person WE (I always put myself in as having done the same thing at some point cus truth be told, we have, at least once or twice so say we instead of you)can tend to come across as selfish and spoiled. On days when I hogged all the attention and wanted things all my own way, I came to learn that it made other people feel less important like I didn't really care about them at all. No one likes being ignored or made to feel less important than anyone else.
On the issue of crybaby try: Everyone can have a bad day or a bad period of time. I know I have complained before too. But when it goes out of balance and the complaints are all the time, it creates a depressing, negative atmosphere that people don't like to be around. You do tend to go over board more often than not. Hey we all do this at times, but the only time it is an issue is when it repels people away. People are naturally attracted to positive happy people that can help them feel happier just by being in their presence, not having their positive energy weighed down by your negative feelings. There's a time and a place to get out our negative feelings. Generally its best to talk to a life coach, a counselor or a person you have found to be a mentor for you but not to complain and come across as a cry baby to the general public who are not equipped to help in the first place. If you want my help, I'll give you the best advice i can but if I can't, I'll let you know and then its up to you to seek out people who know how to counsel you properly with this. I care about you. Dont take this as a death sentence, we all have something about us that greatly needs improvement, just on some of us, it's more visible to others and on some its not.
This way of talking, of course using pretty much your own words, will build her up with compliments and gently expose what you see as a contributing issue to the problem but not make her feel so alone and so terrible a person if she realizes that you know that others and perhaps even yourself have had a run in or two with such a situation or something similar. So she'll feel less vulnerable, more likely to trust you and actually listen to what you say rather than shut you out immediately. If she is suffering from some condition that medically or mentally is causing her to be this way, then just talking and reasoning with her will not help much if she is not aware that something else may be causing her to be like this. If you have reason to believe that she is suffering from depression (a depressed person can complain a lot about life)then talk to others who know her well such as family and bring it to their attention is she is young and not an adult yet. Read up on depression and if you believe she may be depressed, and she's an adult, gently tell her that it might be a good idea to get her hormone levels checked (don't say depression cus people resist that too quickly, its sounds so negative) Just mention some facts about problems with hormone levels such as Some women, with out of balance female hormones, can have these kinds of negative feelings, teens in general do have hormone level problems and some severe enough to get medication for a while until they become adults and their own bodies begin to produce .
normal levels on its own, and then lastly it could be the 'feel good hormones" levels are too low which causes a person to be depressed.
I don't think the issue is depression, at least not with the information you provide but I added that just in case theres something you didn't share that might make this the case.
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