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boost in self confidence
Im really akward because im shy when it comes to not knowing what to do or not feeling confident enough to do or say something. I always stay on the down low or cover up and become someone im not and can never be myself because i fear what others will think or say bout me bacause i honestly am pretty weird but i dont want to have to change myself for others. (which i will do sometimes) i wasnt always this low and self concious. i loved myself and every aspect about me up until now and i dont know why i feel this way. i havent done anything wrong. ive olny dated once and the most we did was hug and hold hands and it only went on for two months.I was an amazing A student before this happened as well. and i have a very guilty conscience so i never did anything real bad. sometimes i think im pretty but when most of the time i feel absolutely hideous. Can someone please explain to me why i feel this way or how i can get rid of this problem? ive gone to just about everyone i could ask but know one listend and thought i was craxy or something. im 15 years old and im a girl. thanks <3
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First off, I'd like to say that I feel for you. At times I have gone through similar issues myself and would never wish such a thing on anyone. But with that being said, you can, and I'm confident that you will, get though this.
So you're 15, well at that age, there are a lot of awkward things happening. Assuming you're in high school, that can be rough. But as you say, you don't want to change for others. And the truth is, you shouldn't have to.
Clearly you have self-esteem issues and that's the basis of the problem in my opinion. While you aren't sure how you ended up with them, it's a good chance that somewhere along the line you began to let others dictate how you feel about yourself. In reality, only you control how you feel and how you respond to the opinions of others. I've recommended this several times before but I suggest you check out a book called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. This should give you some deeper insight.
As far as the dating thing goes, you're young and have lots of time for that sort of thing, don't stress over it. Worry doesn't help anything anyway.
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Hi there! Now 15 is around the age where most people go through a sort of 'transitional' period, where they kind of have a shift in perspective and outlook. We tend to become overtly self-conscious, feel that everyone is judging us, looking to find fault with us. And we tend to turn the same critical, judgemental eye on ourselves. Begin to hate certain things about ourselves, want to change them. At the same time there is still that younger urge to 'conform', to not 'stand out' from fellow members of what sociologists and psychologists call our 'peer group'...just meaning friends of about our same age and environment. I hope this is putting some of the emotions and feelings you are experiencing into some sort of form and perspective? This feeling of being 'under scrutiny' by friends, parents, teachers...the whole world in general in fact, usually has a rather negative effect on our self-confidence. Few, if any people would have a 'life' which could stand this sort of judgemental observation. Now the good news. Paradoxically, although you feel it's destroying your self-confidence right now, it's actually BUILDING it. Creating your individuality and independence, the hallmarks of a fully-developed, fully adult intellectual and emotional character. This 'under the spotlight' feeling is transitory, passing. Of course, the present (apparent) loss of self-confidence can easily affect academic achievement. With confidnce on our side we tend to succeed. Without it, easy things become harder, hard things seem almost impossible. And it becomes a bit of a vicious circle, a downward spiral. Low confidence makes low achievement, low achievements lowers your confidence further...achievement goes down again...and so on. We want to start breaking that cycle, now we know what it's all about, right? Hang in there...you'll break it. I'm hoping you're getting a good picture of what's going on 'in your head' by now? Seems to me there's a judgement perception going on over the boyfriend issue too? You're stressing and highlighting that you didn't 'do anything bad' etc. Again, peer group and society pressure...world's assuming that you have a boyfriend so you must be having sex under the age of consent...and so on. Is this close to the mark? Naturally, a healthy girl of 15 IS going to start taking a big interest in boyfriends. And dating and kissing and cuddling, enjoying some level of intimacy (the level she/they mutually choose is always best). You certainly didn't do anything to feel guilty about or ashamed of here. Yet, I was your age once...and yes...even telling your parents that you've got a girl/boyfriend (as applicable) at this time seems akin to confessing you're a mass-murderer/psychopath....we've all been there mate! In all, you're not crazy...you haven't had some emotional/mental meltdown that will screw-up the rest of your life. You're absolutely normal and fine. Take a bit of a step back and look at it all with an informed, cool and relaxed eye...hope you've got a little insight from my reply somewhere. In many ways this process is unique in your life. Nothing will ever be like this 'girl-to-woman' mental shift you're fighting with at the moment. So keep your spirit, and your confidence...up!
ps. As a child we seek consent and approval primarily from our parents. This is at the root of the change. You're moving away from this, into that (cliche??) 'big wide world' where you make your own mark, let the world/society do it's work in you, stand or fall on your OWN efforts and achievements. Become 'YOU'. That's a real change of outlook and perception, don't you think? A real challenge? Go on, step up to it! XX
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