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Getting To Know Someone?
19/f
The guy I'm talking to is 22. We've gone on a few dates and he kissed me on our last date.
We went on another date today and things went really well and after we ate, we watched movies at his place. Well after awhile we ended up making out and it escalated. I stopped before we went too far because I'm not ready to mess around. He was cool with it. That was one thing that bothered me but since he didn't pressure me or anything, it was fine.
Besides that, he compliments me and talks about his family, work, ect. So he seems to actually be into me.
The thing is, I'm never good at telling when someone is just seeing me to get in my pants or to genuinely get to know me. I've had some bad experiences so I want advice before I jump in. So what do you think?
Some other information is that we do text a lot. After tonight he texted me and told me he respects my decision and all that. He told me he wants to date and see if it can go long term and that he can see that with me. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. Is that weird or normal? It threw me off. I just told him eventually yeah, we'll see where it takes us or something like that. Now my first thought was that he wants to be with me because I told him I don't mess around with someone who I'm not in a relationship with. But he told me it makes him like me more since I have self respect or something.
Honestly, I might be over thinking all this but he seems really nice and I'm really starting to like him. I'm just paranoid. Probably because of my past but I won't get into it. I am getting professional help for some pieces of it though.
Also, I just want to know if it's normal for guys to move that fast with a potential girlfriend? Like obviously I'll see it on TV shows. But we barely know each other so is it weird or is it just me?
Pretty much any advice on relationships would be awesome. Or any experiences that you've had. Thank you and sorry that it was long!
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It really seems like he genuinely cares for you and not out for one thing. It's very common for a guy to rush into sex and the fact that he was leaning in that direction proves hes s normal guy. However, the fact that he is sticking around shows he respects you and values more than just a physical relationship. Although this is a great sign continue to hold strong to your values and beliefs. There are those guys who pursue a challenge with one goal in mind to conquer what others could not and then they move on. Continue getting to know him, his family and friends and enjoy life with him outside of sex. I think over time it will become more obvious as to his true intentions and you will either distance yourself and move on or learn to trust and feel confortable and at ease with him. There is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage to go all the way. He will understand and respect you if he is the one for you. But for now enjoy your time with him. So far so good, he sounds like an okay guy.
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There are some nice guys out there. They are a rare species in today’s world and if you have found one, which it sounds like you have, then he may be a keeper.
In any relationship communications is the key to success. Even if he is a nice guy, whom I believe he may be, sex is a big part of a relationship in today’s world. Sexual attraction is what brings us together. What keeps us together is not sex. If sex is the foundation of a relationship you are building on quicksand for one day you wake up and find you need to talk to each other and have nothing in common.
It appears you two have started to communicate with each other. This may be someone you can let your guard down with and tell him why you are reluctant to jump into things with him. Especially why sex is something that is going to have wait until you are more comfortable. If that means telling him about past relationships where once the guy got in your pants he was gone. Then I recommend you do so.
Nice guys will understand and I'm sure you are well aware of ways to satisfy his needs without actually having sex. When you become more comfortable with him you might offer or make your way to satisfying him in that manner.
What you see on TV is fantasy and not reality. Though sometimes Reality does mimic fantasy. I will be married 43 years come July. My wife and I were married six months after we met. Most of our friends said our marriage would fail. Funny thing only couples we knew back then are married to the same people they were married to when we knew them 43 years ago.
So the answer to your question is: Yes there is such a thing as love at first sight. I knew the moment I met my wife she was the girl for me. So we are living proof of that statement.
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I'm glad you're both communicating..that helps me to answer you. You wrote: " But he told me it makes him like me more since I have self respect or something."
The greater majority of males are attracted to females who have self respect, a good self image and are confident. That confidence shows when you tell him what you will and wont do, what does and does not interest you, what you believe in or not and you stick by it all. You lay it all out and say this is how it is, if you don't like it, you can go elsewhere. Only girls who are desperate for attention from a guy will make changes or adapt for the guy and to win him and keep him. Only a few guys coming up across someone like you will not be interested because they want the party girl who has no depth to her personality or to her mind because all they want is her body for sex.
All males are interested in sex. So of course he will hope that some day the two of you can explore that. But he is drawn to you because of all the other things about you which will become more obvious over time. You don't have to rush anything. Yes, there can always be the ones who pretend they respect that, give you a little time and then start to pressure you for sex. If it doesnt feel right and, your inner sense is saying something, listen to it. It won't take long for him to show his true colors. So give him a chance. Time will tell.
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