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Am I being selfish
My mom cant work right now so I have been doing everything for the passed eight months. I used to work two jobs and walk two hours each day at one a.m. because of how late the other job was. I would get home at about three thirty and sleep a couple hours to get to my second job which started at seven. I did all this so we could make rent and bills and groceries. Im 21the now. Dying to go to school. A month ago I dropped both jobs because I was feeling overwhelmed. Mymom does help with the utilities. So when I lost my job rent was coming due and I told her we were going to be short. Instead she was worried about paying off a friend she owed. I found out she has a bit of money saved away. It hurt me so much because Im giving up everything. My last penny whiles shes clinging on to her stash in the account. My brother was the one who ended up helping me make the rent. I just dont get it. And then she tells me that if she were in a position ti work she would never quit her job knowing that there were other people depending on it. I just feel like shes so ungreatful. Ive done so much already and it means nothing. I already found another job. But Im just shocked that my own mother would rather watch me drown and pawn my laptop and do so much while she has the ability to at least try and lighten the load. Am i overreacting? Shes going to be able to start working soon but just not yet. I just want to know if im being stupid or not for feeling this way. Im 21 by the way.
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Selfish isn't always wrong. Sometimes what other people might call 'selfish' is really just taking care of yourself, and respecting yourself.
Fundamentally, it sounds like living with your mom isn't a great situation for you. She lacks respect for you, your time and possessions. If she were just a roommate, you'd never accept this sort of behaviour - you'd take em to court.
My best advice to you, would be to go find a roommate, or live on your own. As iffy and as much harder as can be, at least you'll be able to have a clear roommate agreement with them. With your mom, there is too much else at play to make it easy for you to demand she do her share.
I don't think you are being stupid. It's tough - almost impossible - to stand up to a parent when they behave badly. I really think the best thing you could do, is not live with her, so that her bad behaviour will have less of an impact on your life, and you can get some of the security you need.
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No I don't think your being selfish or stupid. The one being selfish is mom. You don't say why mom can't work. If she is sick or temporarily disabled there are funds such as Social security disability that are available to apply for. If qualified they would pay up to 66 2/3 of what she was earning for the deration of her disability. There is in many states unemployment insurance she could have applied for while disabled an unable to work. Was she aware of this and did she try to obtain this help for herself. There was also the possibility that she had short term disability insurance through her last employer. If she did she may still be able to apply for that.
IF mom knew of this assistance but did not avail herself of them because she may have felt they were charity... Then she was not only selfish she was being stubborn. These programs are programs you and she pay into as part of your payroll taxes they are not charity you earn them.
You were being very unselfish by giving up your own needs and desires to care for your mother and provide for her. For her to allow you to possible harm yourself with the schedule you kept was very wrong of her when she had funds to help herself.
Just what does a child owe their parents? To my mind absolutely nothing; there is an old Indian saying that it takes an entire village to raise a child. The village expects nothing in return from that child except to become a full participating, law abiding member of that village. The same view can be held of a family.
Children do not ask to be born. When they come into this world they are totally dependent on those who brought them in to this world for all their needs until they are old enough to make their own way in the world. Must children repay their parents for all they do for their children; legally no. Morally is another question. Should a child make themselves sick, bankrupt themselves or in any other way harm themselves to provide for their parents out of moral obligation. No especially if that parent won't help themselves and avail themselves of what is out there to help themselves.
You do not say if mom did or did not apply for the services that would have helped her and allowed you to fill in just what she was short if any. Which hopefully would have allowed you to continue with school?
I think it is admiral of you to do what you have done. Now that you know that mom has funs to care for herself and that she has literally taken advantage of you it is time to cut her off. This will do two things. First and foremost it will allow you to get back to leading your own life which you are certainly entitled too. Second it will push mom to get back to work rather than stretch things out further than may be required. Also it will force her to spend the money she has not spent which forced you to work two jobs.
If your living with your mother; move out. Find a roommate and rent an apartment or find a room you can rent. Once you are out of moms' house you are no longer obligated to pay anything for living at home.
No you are not stupid or selfish. I believe you are being taken advantage of and it is time to force it to stop.
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