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He stopped talking to me and I don't know why .
I am 24 years old and a couple of months ago I was dating this guy and we had sex but shortly after we had sex he broke up with me even though he promised that he would never leave me no matter what happened or what I did and I have no idea why he broke up with me . also before he broke up with me he didn't talk to me for about 3 weeks and when he did answer my phone calls and texts he made them very short and this all started after we had sex . I thought he was a good guy because he was very involved in church but I guess that doesn't always mean anything like I thought . The other day my mom and I went to burger king to get eat and when we sat down we saw him come in he looked at me and then left with out getting any food mom asked me what his problem was and I said honestly I don't know . why won't he talk to me anymore ? we use to be best friend's in High School . what happened ?
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I don't know how long you were dating before the breakup but it could be a matter of there not having been enough time to get to really know him. Many people put on an act, and pretend to be something or someone they are not to impress a person. The energy needed to keep up a false persona eventually peters out and you get to see the real character of the person. Words are cheap, so no matter what he said, there should have been some type of action behind them, proving his character. I'm not talking about giving you flowers or taking you out to dinner, but how a spouse would treat their partner 24/7 in the nitty gritty situations of life. (ie: whats he like when he's sad, what's he like when stressed, does he react in anger towards you at all, does he encourage you in pursuing your goals, does he compliment you and your skills, does he give his undivided attention when you are talking, does he enjoy doing special things for you (like volunteering on getting a refill on your tea when you are perfectly capable of doing so) does he accept you as you are or ask you to make changes, is he comparing you to others, is he into fulfillling your desires before seeking to have his own met, etc....
I don't know if you attempted to get him to explain himself. But if he will not talk or cooperate, all I can say, is he is no big loss, he'd make a terrible boyfriend let alone husband.
As to the comment about church, that was my mistake too when 20. Assuming that since he attended and was active at church that he was a man of good solid character. He was not. He put on an act for church but I was verbally abused 30 yrs til I left. There's a saying, "Just because you find a mouse in the cookie jar, that doesn't make him a cookie." Same for people you find in church, just because they attend does not mean they believe in the teachings and uphold Christian lifestyle.
You said he broke up shortly after having sex for the first time. That sounds suspicious to me. This may not be true but it sure gets me wondering if he was a non believer hanging out in churches because he thought it might be easier to play the nice trust worthy guy, say the right things and get a girl to have sex with him. When I attended church at your age, I knew a few girls who had guys put on acts so the pastor thought they were trust worthy men who believed what was taught, to wait until marriage, then the guys take some of my girlfriends on dates and they report that he tried to cajole them into having sex by saying and promising things, and almost forcing her beyond a period of time dating. It is possible. But I don't know him or what all the circumstances were in your situation.
Communication is an important factor in a healthy relationship, and so is truth and being trust worthy. He is not willing to do either. There can be subtle hints or cues after a while that a guy lets off if he is anything like the one who walked away from you. think hard on what he was acting like, what he did or did not do, looking back do you see any warning signs that this was coming. You can use that in future meetings of guys. The moment you see something that reminds you of this guy, watch the person closely to see if they do this again and again. If so, you've just spotted the problem before getting too involved with them.
My example: In dating after the divorce, (mind you I am in my 40s and more experienced) I met a guy on line who expressed himself well, and we met for coffee and hit it off. Went on another date after that, and all still was great. 3rd meeting was an invite to dinner at his house. When I got there, he said to please excuse the mess(there was no mess) and the next thing out of his mouth was blaming his housekeeper for doing poor work and he called her all sorts of racial names, (aha, this guy has a verbal abuse streak in him too like my ex) I left and never dated him again. When he called, I told him I had found someone else that I had really fallen for...I lied cus I could not tell him why I really wasn't available to see him...didn't want a man with the anger problem he had to get mad at me and come after me. Sometimes in life we run into duds. The fact that he was one way in high school doesnt matter. Don't define a person by their past, whether they were bad or good. Its what he is like now that counts. Eventually after meeting enough duds, you will come across a really nice guy. I dated dozens before I found the man I am married to now. He is a wonderful man and husband.
Good luck to you in the future
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